By guest author Christina Moore
Of all the different problems we can have in the various areas of our lives, anything in the love department can really do a number on us emotionally. It is the rare person who doesn’t crave a healthy, loving relationship with someone with whom you can build a life together. Wanting this, and not having it can be distressing to say the least.
The failed relationships and bad dates fill us with despair, and we are convinced we will be alone forever. But, you can find that great relationship—it is not something reserved for a special few. You deserve it just as much as anyone else. But, to turn things around, you have to be willing to do a little self-reflection, and perhaps do things a bit differently than you have been.
Here are just a few helpful tips for finding that happy relationship:
Focus on What You Want, Not What You Don’t
Between the bad relationships, nightmare dates and all that other stuff, we get pretty clear pretty quickly about what we don’t want in a partner, and what we don’t want in a relationship. This is an important step because the clearer we are, the better chances of finding a good match—we waste less time on people we just know aren’t a good fit.
But, if you want to turn things around in the love department, it is crucial you shift your focus from what you don’t like and want to what you do want and like. Energetically, this is very different. This is an important piece of relationship advice for women in particular because it is all too easy to fall into complaining sessions with our girlfriends.
It puts you in a more positive frame of mind, and this clarity sets these wonderful, mysterious forces in motion that help put you on the path to getting what you want.
Don’t Be Afraid to Make the First Move
Even in these modern times, things in the romance department have remained pretty traditional. When it comes to relationship advice for women, a lot of it is passive—suggestions on how to get him to come to you. Some people may still find it a bit strange when women initiate relationships, but it is happening more and more.
Just like a guy taps into intuition, signals and the like, when deciding whether to ask a girl out, you can do the same. There is the assumption that a guy who is interested will definitely make some sort of move, and if he doesn’t, it means he isn’t. But, that is not always true. If there has been a flirtation with the guy who makes your coffee every morning, slip him your number and see what happens.
Realize You are the Common Denominator
This one can be a bit uncomfortable because it means admitting things that you may not want to admit. It means letting of the ‘woe is me’ victim mentality that strikes many women who are just convinced they are unlucky in love and always attract the jerks and losers. All your past relationships have just one thing in common—you.
This means you are part of the problem—this isn’t about blaming yourself and thinking you deserve unhappiness for making poor choices. This is about owning your role, and taking an active part in turning things around. This idea is empowering because it means you have some control, that you are not just a hapless victim of outside circumstances. It means you are not ‘cursed’ or unlucky in love.
Think back to your past romantic entanglements and look for patterns. Question why you always seemed to end up with certain types of guys who were clearly not good fits. If you can withstand a bit of discomfort, you can gain some amazing insights that will put you on the path to a healthy, happy relationship, no matter what your previous experience has been. This introspection will change you, and how you handle this whole part of your life.
Leave the ‘How’ to the Universe
One of the reasons we feel so discouraged about finding a relationship is the limited number of ways our puny brains can imagine meeting the right person. But, realize there are infinite ways he can come into your life, and you cannot possibly figure them all out. Be open to the idea that he can be anywhere—develop a bit of faith in the ‘Universe’ or whatever you like to call that ‘force’.
I hope these tips have given you some hope that things can get better; they will get better if you decide to make it that way.