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Really, marriage is the most important relationship that we have in life and this relationship must help us grow too. After all, isn’t our spouse supposed to be our best friend in the first place?

We’ve all probably been a relationship that makes us feel like we are suffocating in our own skin. I know I had a relationship like that (I can’t believe I stayed in it for 3 painful years. But we all need to learn somehow!) and I am happy that I got out of it when I did. Of course when we are talking about marriage simply quitting is not an option.

Marriage (or a serious relationship that you think can lead to marriage) must be a happy coexistence of two people who help each other and support each other. They argue sometimes but they still love each other and forgive no matter what. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage, but any marriage is definitely a perfect example of balance in life.

I am not a marriage counselor and I don’t have any great life experiences to support any of my ideas (after all my husband and I have been together only for three and a half years). But I am absolutely happy with my marriage in spite of all the life tests that my husband and I had to go through together. I feel that right now both of us are growing in life and I love this feeling of freedom and gentle support that both of us share.
If you are married or if you are just dating somebody please ask yourself a question, “Does this relationship help me grow? Do I give my partner enough room for growth?”

Please share your own thoughts about it in the comment section below and read what I believe is important for a marriage that lets you grow in life.

1. Love. Okay, this is pretty obvious and yet this is so important. Love gives us inspiration in life that is vital for growth. Love must be nurtured no matter whether you’ve been together for 4 months or 32 years. This love will give you wings to fly to the top of the highest mountain. Make sure that you always remember why you fell in love with your spouse, what is so special about him/her and always make room for some romance together.
2. Passion. We pretty much agreed last week that passion in life is an essential part of life balance. Passion in marriage is just another way of finding your passion in life. I know that some say that passion dies over the years and gives way to friendship, love and deep respect. I want to believe that my passion won’t die any time soon because it makes married life so much fun!
   If you can maintain passion in marriage then you will be able to maintain the fire of passion in other areas of your life. Don’t let this passion disappear because your life turns into a boring routine. Try new things, be unexpected, be irresponsible sometimes and remember the excitement of the very first kiss you and your partner had.
3. Don’t be a martyr. This is especially true for women. As a martyr you might want to do something for your spouse exactly when you don’t feel like doing anything and then say to yourself “I did it for him/her and he/she didn’t even appreciate my effort. I am giving everything I have to this person even though he/she completely does not deserve my love.” This type of kindness and giving thrives on sadness and negative emotions. You can’t grow like that.
4. Have a hobby or an interest together. My husband and I have a lot in common and we love to do a lot of things together. We love exercising together, we love our healthy lifestyle, we love exploring nature and we love working online. We always have something fun to do together and we do not limit our time to late nights on the coach in front of a TV or a once-a-month trips to a restaurant.
   When you and your spouse have a common interest you will understand each other better. This interest can give you room for growth and it will be just one more thread holding you together.
5. Give each other some breathing room. While doing something together is important, doing something alone is equally essential. Both husbands and wives can have projects and interests of their own and they must respect each other’s time alone. You are two different people and you both deserve having your own passions and goals.
6. Be honest. Honesty is the cornerstone of any relationship. It will let you avoid and get over any conflicts easily, it will let you be open with each other and discuss what is important for each of you. Honesty and sincere communication will let you understand each other no matter what. You will be able to communicate your needs and plans for growth to your spouse. Honesty is really one of the virtues anyone should strive for (in my opinion) and marriage is the best place to start.
7. Be generous. You have probably heard that generosity contributes greatly to the feelings of happiness and general satisfaction with life. This generosity must start in your own marriage. It means giving your time without expecting any dividends, giving your love, giving your attention, giving unexpected presents (do you know how great any woman feels when she gets flowers just because?) and giving your understanding. At first it might feel like you are in a one-man performance but if your spouse truly cares about you then he/she will do the same for you. This generosity can later be transformed towards people around you (helping your friends and family, donating to charities, volunteering) and it will give you all kinds of possibilities for growth.
8. Ask yourself “Am I doing enough? How can I be a better partner? How can I be a better friend? How can I be a better lover?” These are opportunities for growth to begin with. We all have some room to improve and maybe this is what you need in your marriage. Marriage is a relationship between two people and both of them are responsible for making it work. Talk to your spouse openly and ask how in his/her opinion you can be a better partner. You might discover something new about yourself or your spouse.
9. Be financially open. Finances are not an important part of growth but any relationship can suffer if this topic is left undiscussed. You can’t grow if all you think about is who brought the most money home or how to get out of debt that your spouse is constantly increasing. There is no one-fit-all way of setting up family finances and only the two of you can work out the best plan for you. But before you can work anything out you must talk and you must be on the same page about money. Here is a helpful article that talks about here and here)
10. Be a positive and grateful person. If you want to grow in life then changes will happen only inside of you. You are the only one responsible for your life and how it will turn out. Yes, marriage is important but only you can make it work.
    Start by being positive around your partner, be grateful that he/she is in your life and appreciate what you have. If you feel that you are tired of your partner, just write down everything you love about him/her, everything you are thankful for and look at the bright side of your relationship. After all, every rose has its thorns. Only you can decide what is more important to you in a relationship.
11. Share spiritual beliefs. Spirituality is the ultimate way of growth. My husband and I are both Christians and I feel that our faith strengthens our marriage and at the same time shows us the way how we can grow in life. I know that not everybody shares religious beliefs (and I am not here to preach to you) but at least you can look at religion as an option. This is the only spiritual way for me but I know that there are others and you can look into them too. (You can find great resources on spirituality here and here)
12. Be friends. Marriages based on friendship and similarities tend to be happier and less couples end up in divorce. I know that opposites attract but sometimes attraction is just not enough to hold the marriage together. No matter how your relationship has started you can always make an effort to be friends, to share common interests, to support and understand your spouse and to be there when he/she needs you.
13. Help your spouse to grow. I know that sometimes a relationship can feel stagnant and “dead-endy” (remember, the first relationship I was talking about earlier?). Put your effort into helping your spouse find his/her passion in life, support their dreams and gently try to show them what a life of growth is. It is not easy and it will require a lot of effort on your part but it might be very beneficial for your own growth. Just don’t be too pushy and do everything with love and care.

I believe that marriage is not something that just works out without any effort. Any relationship means compromise, adjustments and balance.

I know that my marriage has made me a better person and I am very thankful to my husband for supporting my dreams and being patient with me (only a very patient man could live with a stubborn gal like me ) Does your marriage (relationship) help you grow in life? Thanks for sharing all your wonderful thoughts in the comments below.

Keep it balanced!

Image by Real Estreya

The better part of one’s life consists of his friendships.
Abraham Lincoln

When was the last time you talked to your best friend? How did you feel after that? I always feel inspired and uplifted when I talk to my best friends (I am very lucky to have a few very close friends in my life.)

People around us and especially our friends have a magnificent influence on our lives. They can cheer us up or bring us down, they can help us find our path in life or they can mislead us, they can be happy with us or they can spoil our happiness with jealousy and envy. These people can help us grow in life or they can be a heavy burden constantly pushing us down.

What kinds of people surround you? I know that sometimes it is difficult to answer this question. We all want to believe that our friends and people around us are the best but sometimes it is not so. People change and as you change over the years your friends change too.

If you are following a path of growth then you must be prepared to grow your relationships too. It means being a better friend in some situations, it means letting go off some relationships and it means being open to new relationships and friendships.

My life has changed a lot in the past two years and my relationships have changed a lot too. Getting married, becoming a mom, working from home, pursuing my passion and moving to a different country – all these factors changed my life completely. I know that I am not the same person that I was before and it means that all my relationships have been put to a test. If you start living a life that is completely different from the lives of your friends you will see how your entire world will shift and how desperately you will need to build new types of relationships.

1. Be open to meet new people. No matter whether your life has changed or not, always be open to let new people into your life. They are like a fresh breeze on a hot day: they can inspire you, they can give you new ideas, they can become your new best friends, they can show you the world from a completely different angle or they can just fly by unnoticed. Don’t limit yourself to the circle of people you already know because then you will limit your own ways to grow.
2. Make sure that you are a friend that you want to have. Are you always there for your friends? Do you help them? Do you actually listen to them? Can you accept and understand the changes that happened or are happening in their lives? Do you enjoy giving as much as receiving? Answer these questions for yourself first and see if maybe you are the one who needs to grow to the level of your friends.
3. Explore new ways to make friends. New people won’t just miraculously appear in your life. If you want to meet somebody then you need to start exploring the world. You can make friends online, you can start a new hobby, you can volunteer or you can just start talking to a stranger who seem interesting to you. Be the one who starts the relationship, not the one who is waiting for something to happen.
4. Let go of some people. Some people around us do nothing but hold us back. If you have a new idea then they know exactly why it won’t work. If you are happy then they bring you down. If you offer them help then they use you. They are the tag-along luggage that you are trying to take anywhere with you but that does not have anything valuable for your trip. Have enough courage to let go of these people (even if you knew them from kindergarten). It does not mean that you have to stop talking to them completely, just make a gradual change and decrease the amount of time that you spend together.
5. Help your friends to grow. When you feel that you are on the right path of growth try to help your friends to find their path. Don’t preach to them and don’t make them follow your steps in life (your path is right only for you) but be there for them if they have questions. Be the best example for them without bragging or making them feel uncomfortable. Help them find their passion; give them support when they are making a risky move, encourage them when they feel down. This is what friends are for.
6. Shift your “friendship focus.” You know a lot of people and some of them are your friends while others are just your acquaintances. Well, they can switch places in your life.
   After I became a mom I realized that I didn’t have the same interests with one of my close friends (no more partying, no more long shopping trips, less time to spend together) but I have discovered that another friend (rather an acquaintance at that time) was going through the same changes as I did. Naturally she has moved to the top of my friends list because we had a lot in common, we knew each other for a long time and we had similar interests and problems in life (how to make you child sleep through the night, how to stay sane after a week with almost no sleep, how to find time for some adult communication, etc.)
7. Look for people who help you focus in life. Focusing is one of the essential attributes of growth. Make friends with people who can help you focus and get closer with the people who help you concentrate in life.
8. Look for specific traits in your friends. There is a saying that our friends are just the reflection of our own traits or traits that we want to develop in ourselves. Make a list of growth points for yourself and look for people who represent all those qualities. You will naturally adopt a new behavior simply by being with those people.
9. Be genuine. No matter what you do and what friends you make, always be genuine. You can grow but you can’t become a different person overnight. Pretence and superficial behavior will only destroy you as a person. People around you deserve to know who you really are and make their own decision whether they want to be your friends or not. If you are genuine the right people will be naturally drawn to you.
10. Keep it simple. Don’t get too serious about the whole friendship thing. Laugh, have fun, and be the fountain of energy and happiness. This is what friendship is all about – having a great time together and helping each other be the best you can be. Isn’t that simple?

Did you have to go through a major friendship change? Do your friends help you grow in life? Are you looking for new friends right now? Let’s connect here and see if we can build relationships that will help us grow.

Keep it balanced!

Image by Waechor

Happiness is not possible without healthy relationships and communication with people around you (unless you dream of being a hermit of course.) Having friends or being able to make friends easily can make the biggest difference when you move to a different city or country, when you take a new job or when you go through any change in your life.

Do you sometimes feel that you just do not meet the right people? Maybe the people around you are difficult, or negative, or they don’t like you. Maybe you just cannot find a common thread with them. You are a great person but you don’t feel in balance with the people around you.

I know that most of us felt this way at one point in life or another. I know I did. This is a difficult situation to be in but I have found that sometimes it was my fault. There are a few traits that can prevent us from making any friends at all.

Have you watched the movie “How to lose a guy in 10 days”? If you haven’t then this is a funny romantic comedy where a girl (a journalist) is given a task to write an article on how to lose a guy in 10 days. The guy that she picks was challenged by his friends to make his next relationship last no matter what. Here we go, she does the most insane things to get rid of him but he is still with her. Of course, the movie has a happy ending and they realize that they were meant to be together…

I told you about the movie because sometimes we behave like that girl from the movie. We do everything to “repel” people around us but unfortunately these people do not want to stick to us like the guy from the movie. I am going to give you 6 rules to live by if you want to get rid of all your friends and never get any new ones.

1. Be judgmental. Make sure that you judge people from the very first second that you see them. Look at their race, weight, religion, beliefs, behavior, looks and make immediate judgments based on that information. After all, you know better what a true life really is.
2. Preach and behave like you know all the answers (even if you don’t.) If you have something on your mind, make sure to say that. You have more experience and knowledge than anybody else on this planet, never forget this! You have the right to give advice to anybody (especially when they are not asking for it) and to let everyone know that your way of living (working, raising kids etc.) is the only way.
3. Be negative. Make sure that you watch news all the time and keep a record of the most negative news. Whenever you have a couple of free minutes let everyone know about bad problems with politics, about global warming and other environmental disasters. Don’t forget to mention to your friend who is flying away for a vacation about the recent plane crash and how many people died there. If you can’t find any bad news to share then you can give your critique of your friend’s latest business idea (he or she must know that it will be a complete failure) or mention that your other friend looks terrible after gaining a few pounds (even if he or she hasn’t, they will still be more mindful about their eating next time. You are doing them a favor after all.)
4. Be irresponsible. If your friends are having a party at 6:00 then you can be late. Don’t bother to bring any refreshments or snacks (even if they asked you) because you are too busy to worry about those things. Don’t bother to call your friends or colleagues if you are running late or if you can’t come to a meeting. You can cancel any appointment 10 minutes after you were supposed to be there because everyone should consider your busy schedule.
5. Be disrespectful. If you smoke, please make sure that you smoke around your friends freely even if they do not smoke. If you have dogs, then let them run free on the beaches and in any public places, bark and jump on people passing by. After all, if they don’t annoy you then there is no way that they could annoy anyone else. Talk loud at the movies and laugh in the libraries. You have the right to do whatever you want to wherever you want to.
6. Be a toxic person. A toxic person never says thank you, always looks for ways to argue, never helps anybody and generally releases toxic fumer like an old car without emission controls. You can find more signs of a toxic person in a great article by Dragos Roua 13 Tips to Avoid being a toxic person.

I hope you’ve grasped the irony in the rules above

I want you to be in balance with the people around you. I want all those people to appreciate you for who you are and to see the great person you are.
I want you to be happy in your social environment and I want that environment to be supportive, friendly and positive.

Do you have your own rules that help you make friends and maintain friendships over the years? Please share them in the comments.

Keep it balanced!

Image by Caro Wallis

Valentine’s Day is the most controversial holiday of the year in my opinion. It brings happiness, warmth and love to some people and at the same time it brings sadness and feelings of loneliness to the others. It is THAT time of the year when the entire world splits into three different groups. I am pretty sure that each of us has been a member of one of these three groups at a certain point in life. Each group deserves its own plan for Valentine’s Day and I am going to show you how to make the most out of your V day. Just pick the group that you belong to and see what I have in the box for you this holiday

The first group is people who are happy with their partners. Their biggest problem now is how to come up with the most romantic plan for V Day or how to buy the best present. It is even more likely that they do not even have this problem because they match each other so perfectly that they have already planned the most amazing day of the year. They love each other and they do not need any artificial and material signs that will prove their feelings for each other. They are happy in their present state and they are drunk with the fumes of love and passion.

This first group does not need any advice or help so I will just let them enjoy each other and won’t take any of their precious time together away. Have a great holiday and treasure every minute together!

The second group is couples who have lost the spark. Valentine’s Day for them is the day that brings a lot of headaches. They are together but at the same time they are not really together. They have lost the initial spark that brought them together and now they are just two people living with each other. V Day is an occasion for them to apologize or to try to patch up their relationship. A lot of times this day brings only more misunderstandings because he forgot to buy flowers, she has a headache and is not in the mood for that (you know what I mean), he didn’t make reservations and all the restaurants have at least a 2-hour wait now. These couples need some help and creativity to make their Valentine’s Day a happy day.

Here are my suggestions for the couples who have lost their spark but still want to be together.

1. Before you start planning your Valentine’s Day take some time to read The Happy Couple Cheat Sheet. Do you think that you can improve in any of these areas?
2. Remember the old days. In order to have the best ever Valentine’s day you need to be in the mood for it. You already know what it feels like to be in love and burn with passion; just get these feelings out of the dark closet of your memories, dust them off a little bit and enjoy!
3. Change yourself. We all know that sometimes our significant other wants to see some changes in us. Why not try it for a day or a week? Be the person he/she wants you to be and see if you like it or not.
4. Really mean your apologies. If you are one of the people looking for a I-am-so-sorry-that-I-did-not- …- type Valentine card then add some actions to this card. One card or a dozen of roses will not substitute for all the hours not spent during the year, for the support and help not given and for the words not heard. Make a real commitment to change something in your relationship and notify your partner about your plans. Do not wait until Valentine’s Day to start your plan, start right now.
5. Make a real effort to ignite passion between the two of you. I won’t give you any advice on this one because you are the one who knows what turns you and your loved one on. Plan something amazing, prepare for it and have the best time together!
6. Kill the routine. Routine is the worst thing that can happen to a couple so just go crazy and do something unexpected. Go out to a nice restaurant for breakfast, sleep in and be irresponsible, do not cook and wear your pajamas all day long (I would suggest that you do this only if you stay at home for the entire day )
7. Rent romantic comedies and dramas and watch those all day long. Before you do this please make sure that your partner likes these type movies or you’ll end up having a very lonely Valentine’s Day.
8. Make an effort to be happy together. Do not argue, talk only about positive things, do not nag each other and concentrate on the present moment of your relationship.
9. Write a love letter (or a love paragraph). Writing down your feelings and presenting them to your partner can be the most romantic thing that you can do this Valentine’s Day. If you do not know how to start then here are a few examples that can inspire you: How to Write the Perfect Love Letter and Love Letters (this is actually a short story but it is so touching!)
10. Be grateful. A lot of misunderstandings in a relationship arise when partners take each other for granted. They notice the tiniest things that went wrong (he didn’t take the trash out again, she forgot to buy beer at the store) but they are completely ignorant to the good things. I am talking about the situations when she fixes a wonderful supper (even though she does it every evening) and he does not mention it. He makes a bed because she likes when the bedroom looks nice but she pays attention to the pair of socks lying in the bathroom. He buys her flowers but she says that she does not like this kind. This day and this week be grateful and mention to your partner every little thing that he/she does for you. And thank him/her generously.
11. Watch Fireproof. This movie was a big hit last year and it is one of my favorite movies now. It is a Christian movie so if you do not feel comfortable with it then you can skip this tip. The movie gives the best advice on how to save your relationship and to bring passion, love and care back into it. Watch the movie Fireproof and read the book The Love Dare in order to rediscover your love and passion for each other.

The third group is the singles. Single people usually have two reactions to V Day. The first one is “What is all the hype about? It is just a day that is not even a real holiday.” The second reaction is “I am so miserable and lonely. Nobody loves me and never will.” Even singles can have a great time on Valentine’s Day and they do not need to be sad this day.

Here is how single people can make the most out of their Valentine’s Day:

1. Be your own Valentine. Valentine’s Day is all about love so this year you can share some love for yourself. Do something that you’ve been dreaming about for a long time, have a mini retreat or go on a mini vacation, pamper and take care of yourself as much as possible.
2. Enjoy being single. A friend of mine Amit Sodha wrote a great article on why it is great to be single. Read it here – How to Be Single and Enjoy Every Second.
3. Become a special person. If you are still feeling miserable because you are single then maybe it is time for you to change something about yourself. Another blogging friend of mine Arvind Devalia wrote a great guide on how to do this – Be Special to Find the Special One.
4. Spread love and positivity on people around you. If you cannot share love with your second half then you can share this love with regular people around you. Be generous this day, help somebody, smile to people you meet and generally be a lovable person.
5. Have the best ever singles party. Get together with other single friends of yours and have fun. There are things that women can do only with women (go shopping, drink wine or coffee with chocolates and spend two hours talking about shoes and new trends in haircuts while watching the entire collection of Sex and the City) and men can do only with men (watch football or a race, play video games and go out to the speed park ) so enjoy your chance of doing it.
6. Cook an amazing dinner for one. Being single can be a great way to do and eat what YOU love. You can have an entire bucket of ice cream topped with pickles (okay, I admit, I love to eat ice cream with pickles at the same time. It’s weird but sooooo good) or you can cook your favorite meal that your ex-boyfriends/girlfriend hated. Here is a great way to get excited about cooking for one.
7. Forget about it. Valentine’s Day is a commercial holiday that has been popularized to a gigantic size just to make us spend money on flowers, cards, presents, trips to the restaurant etc. Just ignore all the hustle and bustle at the stores and on TV and enjoy your normal life. Think about how much money you are saving this year.

What group do you belong to this year! Do you have any creative ideas or tips that you would like to share? Comments are open for a discussion. Have a great Valentine’s Day!

Keep it balanced!

P.S. After reading this article my husband got a little bit scared because I came up with so many ideas for the couples who lost their spark. I just wanted to say that I happily belong to the first group and I am planning to stay there happily ever after.

Image by Elizabeth Scott Photography

The other day my husband and I were talking about our marriage and how happy we are together. Then we somehow started talking about our friends and how some of their marriages and relationships didn’t work out. It was sad to see some of them go through painful divorces or experience great disappointments in people who were considered their second halves just a while back.

It’s not a secret that rates of divorces are rising like crazy all over the world now (in the United States 50% of all marriages end in divorce and in Ukraine the rates are just a little bit lower). I am not going to go into the details of why it is happening but I would like to share my experience of a happy and balanced marriage. I hope that maybe these tips will help some couples to live happily ever after.

1. Be honest with each other. I think marriage and any serious relationship starts with honesty.
   My husband is a scuba diver and he has a few scuba buddies. If you do not know much about diving then I want to share one secret: it is EXTREMELY expensive (you need at least $3000 on average to get your own gear and as you become better at it you will want more expensive and more professional equipment). For the reason that I cannot figure out scuba diving is a real addiction for men and they cannot stop buying new equipment no matter how much they have already (my husband is past that point thankfully ) Back to the scuba buddies, these guys are married and they hide their new equipment from their wives. Every time they buy something new they try to sneak around and get it delivered when their wives are not home, then they hide it real good to make sure that their wives do not know how much they’ve just spent (my husband has never done anything like this, phew!). One of these guys has just divorced and now they are fighting over the custody of the children. I can’t imagine living with a person who is not honest with me, neither does my husband and I do not have much hope in marriages that are based on lies and sneaking around.
2. Do not only say “I love you,” show it.
   My parents divorced when I was about 10 years old. I remember my dad always talking a lot about how much he loved my mom and me but he never showed it. He never helped my mom around the house, he never helped her financially to raise me after the divorce, and he never tried hard enough to be a good husband and a good dad.
   It is important to show your partner your love. It can be support in a difficult situation, help around the house or with the kids, a romantic night out or a timely hug when you are feeling blue.
3. In a relationship you are a team and not two solo players. When you are married you lose some of your “I” and turn it into “We.” Marriage is like a football game (without getting slammed though ). A person who does not know the rules will look at the field and see a bunch of big guys running around, jumping on each other and acting completely irrational. A person who knows the rules will see a strategy behind every move. Each player has his own role on the field and each of the players is responsible for the final score. In a marriage it is important to have your own life and your own interests, however happy couples know that all these interests are worthless if they do not benefit their team. There is a great movie called Facing the Giants that continues this analogy (this is a Christian movie). Another one of my favorites is Fireproof and I think that all couples need to watch it because it is a wonderful and inspiring movie.
4. Keep romance burning in your relationship. There is nothing worse than a boring and unromantic relationship. When women start wearing hair rollers and shower caps around the house and when men spend all their time on the coach with a bottle of beer in their hands you can say that this relationship is doomed. Here are 10 ways to turn a boring relationship into a party of love and I am sure that you can think of at least 100 more.
5. Be best friends. A marriage based only on friendship is hardly possible, but a marriage without friendship is doomed. What do friends do? They talk, they share their most intimate thoughts, they share their joys and sorrows, they have fun together, and they help and support each other. Can you imagine a marriage without all this? I can’t.
6. Let little things slide. This tip is mostly meant for women because a lot of us (women) go crazy about little things like dirty socks around the house, a glass that was left in the wrong place or the wrong type of produce that he picked up at the grocery store. Men can think only about one thing at a time (these are words of my husband, no offense guys). When they think about a nice bottle of wine that they want to bring home for supper they forget whether you wanted Romaine lettuce or spinach. When they think about a football game they forget where they leave their glass and when they are ready to cuddle up with you under a blanket they forget where they threw their socks. Look at the big picture and enjoy a deep relationship and bond with your partner, after all nobody is perfect.
7. Talk. When I say “talk” I do not mean just talking about what refrigerator you have to buy or what happened at work during the day. I mean talking about everything: about friends, about news, about your interests, about your concerns and about 100 more subjects. My husband and I lose track of time when we start talking to each other and I love this time more than anything else in the world (well, almost anything ). Talking will help you understand what is going on in the head of your spouse, what bothers him/her, it will help you to resolve and prevent conflicts and misunderstandings if they arise (the worst thing is to keep a grudge inside and let it destroy your marriage).
8. Be silent. Sounds contradictory to what I’ve just said, right? If you and your partner argue (it happens to the best of us) then you are likely to say something that you do not really mean. When we are upset we tend to pick the most stinging words that can hurt your partner’s trust and faith in you permanently. I find that it is much better to be silent in these situations and to let both of us cool down a little bit. After the smoke has cleared and you can think rationally again you can talk the whole situation over and most likely you will find an easy solution or explanation that will satisfy both of you.
9. Be equally responsible for the family and household. This is a tip for men. A lot of men mention that marriage kills romance and that their wives become less interested in sex and fun activities that they used to enjoy before. This is really true because a lot of women get so tied up in household problems and bringing up children (not mentioning the fact that a lot of women are also working at the same time) that they do not have any energy left for anything else.
   Most men still think that a woman is a 100% responsible for bringing up children and taking care of the household. How many men change about half the amount of diapers that women do? How much time do men spend with the children when the kids are in a bad mood? How often do men think about what to fix for supper or when to vacuum the house? If you are one of the men who does it all or is willing to do it all then your wife is (will be) a very happy woman (my husband is all I’ve just mentioned and even more ). How would you expect a woman to think about a romantic night when she has been changing dirty diapers all day long and her personal time was limited to 5 minutes in the shower? A marriage puts a lot of responsibilities on both a man and a woman and if you want a happy and sexy wife then you need to give her some help and some free time.
10. Smile and laugh together. According to a recent study people who smile a lot have lower rates of divorce. Researchers are not quite sure about the connection between smiling and happy marriages but having great time together and laughing a lot will help you become more positive about your relationship and life in general.

Here are 5 more rules that do not need any explanation in my opinion.

11. Love each other
12. Respect each other
13. Support each other
14. Understand each other
15. Give to each other

A balanced and happy marriage is not a dream, it is a reality for me. I wish that more people could enjoy relationships that were satisfying and long-lasting at the same time. Do you have anything to add to this list? I am looking forward to your feedback.

Keep it balanced!