Image by Felipe Neves

Balanced living starts with a desire. A desire to live fully, a desire to fit everything into your schedule without feeling overwhelmed, a desire to enjoy your life without being selfish or forgetting about your loved one or a desire to be healthy without turning into a health-freak. What is a desire that has started your journey towards balance?

No matter how strong that desire for balance is sometimes all of us feel that we have lost the inspiration. Even though we have a desire we cannot find any practical ways to turn that desire into reality. No matter what we do we can’t find that inner balance that almost seems illusive and unreal. Have you been there? I have, and I want to share with you my way to get inspired for balanced living.

I find inspiration in people around me. Yes, it is that simple. There is no need to re-invent the wheel because there are always people around us who have managed to find balance in a particular area of their lives or who have already found the best solution for the predicament you are facing right now.

I do not know about you, but I often read about being mindful and finding miracles around me. It can be a new flower that has just started blooming in your yard, the mysterious way an ugly caterpillar (I am sorry, I have deep issues with crawling creatures) turns into a butterfly, a rainbow in the sky or any other natural miracle. However, I do not often hear about the miracle of people. Some people live such amazing lives that being around them is already a blessing and learning from them can be the biggest inspiration to live a balanced life.

The person who can inspire you can be your neighbor or your relative, a celebrity (I can’t say that I have many of those on my list though), a world-renowned scientist or a fellow-blogger. This person might be your friend or somebody you have never met before. As long as you can see a spark of miracle in that person, this person can be your biggest inspiration and your teacher.

Whenever I feel that I need a piece of advice I think of the people who inspire me and think “What would they do in a situation like this?” This technique helps me to look at my life through the eyes of a different person and it helps me to see what habits or what attitude I should develop in order to cope with this situation. Whenever you feel like you are stuck and you do not know how to live in balance, look at the people around you and learn from them. Be grateful for the people you meet in life or the people who you can learn from. Use every opportunity to grow and make your life a truly balanced one.

I want to share with you a few people who always inspire me and the lessons that I have learned from them.

1. My mom. My mom has always been a role-model for me in many areas of life. I am constantly learning from her how to be a balanced mom who is also a friend to her children. Another area where she is a big inspiration for me is health and eating habits. Whenever I want to eat a second piece of a cake I think of my mom and how she always knows when it is time to stop.
2. Darren Rowse. Darren has been an inspiration for me ever since I read my first article at Problogger.net and discovered that he also does a lot of Ministering work. Don’t take me wrong, but I think that religion is not the most popular thing online right now. I am a Christian and I use my faith as my core belief in life. People who manage to balance a successful business with deep moral values are always an inspiration for me that is why Darren is a wonderful and inspiring person in my opinion. As a work-from-home dad he also has a lot of tips to share about balancing his family and his work.
3. My Pilates clients. I am always amazed at people who manage to find time to take care of their bodies and to try something new no matter how old they are or how much time they have. Some of the ladies who come to the studio are 70 years old but they look like they are in their mid fifties. These people do not make their age a measure that identifies what they can or cannot do in life. This is the type of person I want to be when I get to their age. It’s inspiring!
4. Mary Jaksch. If you do not know she is the author behind GoodLifeZen, an editor of WriteToDone and a co-creator of A-List Blogging Bootcamps. What amazes and inspires me about Mary are her courage and an open mind. She is an example that it is never too late to try something new and become successful at it (you can read Mary’s story of how she became an online success in less than two years.) She is also a woman who is following her passion in life and that passion brings peace and serenity to many people around her.
5. Maggie (this is not a real name.) A few months ago I got to know a wonderful woman. She is like a bright ball of positive energy. You would never guess that she is in remission after being treated for Leukemia. Her husband died of cancer when her 4 kids where just teenagers and she had to raise them all by herself. When I asked her how she did it, she said “We all have choice in life. I just choose to be happy no matter what happens and this positive attitude gets me through everything in life.” I hope I can have as much wisdom and strength as she does.

There are many more people who we can learn from. I am sure that all of you, readers of this blog, are absolutely wonderful too and I can learn a lot from you and we can all learn from each other. I am asking you to look around and notice amazing people around you. Learn from them, let them inspire you, let them teach you, ask them for advice if you can and let these people be your guiding stars in your journey towards life balance.

Keep it balanced!

Image by No Confies En Nadie… Puede Fallarte

What is temptation? Oh, it can take a lot of forms.

• It can be a piece of cake when you are trying to lose weight.
• It can be that new iPhone when you are trying to stay on a budget.
• It can be the thought of not helping your neighbor of friend when they need you.
• It can be the desire to scream at your child when he/she is misbehaving.
• It can be the feeling of jealousy or revenge that starts creeping into your heart.

Temptations can be innocent (at least that’s how they look at first) or they can be pretty dark and evil (and the temptation grows only stronger when you try to overcome it). There is a quote that can summarize the nature of temptation:

Temptation is the fire that brings up the scum of the heart.
William Shakespeare

Have you experienced temptations in your life? I am not asking you to name them just reflect on what those temptations were and how they made you feel. I am sure that 90% of the time you felt pretty bad after succumbing to those temptations. I know that I did.

Temptation is used mostly in the religious context. It is true that Christianity (as well as other religions) put a lot of emphasis on resisting temptations because they are evil and they lead to sin.

Temptation is the devil looking through the keyhole. Yielding is opening the door and inviting him in.
Billy Sunday

However, even if you are not a religious person temptations will still enter your life. Your response to those temptations will determine the course of your life. Temptation always offers you a choice and only you can make the right decision.

Learning to avoid and overcome temptations in life is the art that can take an entire life to master. There is no one-fit-all rule to avoid temptations and each of us will have to find their own weapon against them. Over the years I have learned a few rules that proved to be really helpful. If you want to bring your life in balance then you can use these rules too to find the strength to resist your temptations.

1. Know your core values.
   

   Nothing makes it easier to resist temptation than a proper bringing-up, a sound set of values – and witnesses.
   Franklin P. Jones

   Your core values are your biggest allies in resisting temptation. Once you have set up your core values you will find strength in them to avoid any temptation. If you care about your family then you will not even think about cheating on your spouse or spending your nights drinking at a nearby bar. If you have strong faith then you will find inner strength to be a good friend and avoid jealousy. If you care about your health then you will be able to avoid the temptation to skip your workouts and to eat greasy and unhealthy foods.

2. Ask others to help you. Fighting your temptations can be difficult but if you let somebody else help you then you can easily overcome them. Another person can remind you of the reasons why you want to resist a temptation and give you a fresh look at the situation.
3. Be prepared. Temptations are not an option that we might or might not have in life. We all will be tempted in one way or another. In fact temptations will actually help you grow and become a better person.
   

   Good habits result from resisting temptation
   Proverb

   If you know your weaknesses then try to plan for the times when you are tempted. Start by developing your core values, discovering beliefs that can get you through anything in life and cultivating good habits.

4. Use faith. This is the strongest technique in resisting temptations. I know that a lot of people reading this article are not religious and I respect their choice and beliefs. However, this is the verse that I go to in the times of temptation. Just think about it:
   

   1 Corinthians 10:13. “But remember that the temptations that come into your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will keep the temptation from becoming so strong that you can’t stand up against it. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you will not give in to it.”

5. Refocus. You can change your focus by meditating, praying, getting engaged in a new activity, going for a walk or just spending time with your loved ones. Take your thoughts away from the temptation that is nagging you and the next time that it approaches you will feel less enticed by it.
6. Generate positive experiences. Temptations are so tempting because they offer instant pleasure. Resisting temptation on the other hand is not tempting at all because it feels like depriving yourself of that pleasure. Look for positive experiences around you that will bring you that feeling of pleasure and happiness. When you are tempted to sabotage your healthy diet look for new and fun activities or indulge in a guiltless pleasure (trip to the spa or a long warm bath). Focus on helping others and find pleasure in generosity, kindness and volunteer work. Spend fun time with your family or with your friends. Cultivate mindful experiences in life.
7. Look at the big picture. Temptations usually satisfy our momentary desires and they have nothing to do with our plans and goals in life. If you have a clear vision of your life, if you have your priorities in place and if you know what you want in life then resisting most of those temptations will be easy (at least easier.) Whenever you feel that you are tempted think “If I succumb to this temptation, where will it take me?” “What are the long-term consequences?” “Will I feel happy about it tomorrow, a year from today, 10 years?” Your doubts will dissolve when you realize how momentarily your desire is and how far it will throw you away from your life course.
8. Overcoming a temptation is a victory.
   

   Every moment of resistance to temptation is a victory.
   Frederick William Faber

   Think of yourself as a winner, not a loser in life. As a winner you can definitely win the fight with your temptations.

9. Learn from your mistakes. Even if you manage to resist your temptations 98 times, you might still fail on the 99th attempt. This is normal and there is no need to get obsessed about your failure. Analyze what went wrong, repent (if you are looking at temptation from a religious point of view), ask for forgiveness and forgive yourself, learn from this mistake and don’t make it in the future. Sometimes we have to know how bad it feels to fail in order to be stronger the next time temptation knocks on our door.

At the end I am asking you to think about your life and how you face temptations. Where did your choices lead you in life? Do you feel that you could be in a better position if you resisted some of those temptations? Are you tempted now? Use your life experience to resist any temptation that you will face on your road.

Keep it balanced!

Image by kharied

Your habits, experiences, mood and emotions determine how you see the world. There are no two people that will see the world exactly the same and I don’t think there is a person who can look at the world completely impartially. Just a simple example: take a look at this square. What color is it?

Some of you will see it as green, the others will see it as light green, somebody else might consider it puke-green or his/her-first-car-green. Imagine how many shades we can create for our lives and world around us! This vision influences the quality of our life, our happiness, success and of course life balance.

There are usually four types of glasses that all of us put on in lives. I am pretty sure that you are familiar with all of them. I am going to use a simple situation to illustrate how those glasses will affect us. The situation is “It is sunny and warm and you want to go running outside.”

1. Pessimism (negative thinking):
   It’s hot again, I can’t even breathe outside and I am so not going running today … again. Why does it always happen to me?
2. Optimism (positive thinking):
   Hooray! It’s sunny and warm and great and awesome! WOW! I am getting my sneakers on and I am on my way!
3. Realism. I do not think that there is such thing as true realism because it would mean that your emotions and mood have absolutely no influence at what you think. I distinguish positive realism and negative realism.
   3a. Positive realism:
   It is hot and sunny outside however if I go running right now I might overheat or get burnt. I’d rather wait a few hours when the sun starts getting down and I will be able to enjoy a better and safer run.
   3b. Negative realism:
   It is hot and sunny but I can’t go running right now because it is too hot and the sun is too strong. I could go running in a couple of hours but I know that I will be busy then because I have so much on me. I wish I just had more time in life (Sigh!).

Optimism and positive thinking are highly praised today but I don’t think that they are always the best answer. I personally believe that positive realism is the best way to look at the world. Why?

What’s the problem with positive thinking?

Optimists tend to believe that positive events happen in their lives more often than negative ones (which is not exactly true). This thinking pattern can keep you from seeing trouble when it is just ahead of you or changing your direction when something is not working out in life.

I have a few friends who are extremely positive and optimistic. They are absolute fountains of joy and happiness however most of their business endeavors and even relationships do not work out. They misjudge people around them and they get burnt when those people turn out to be not as good as they thought they were. Their business ideas fall apart because they do not consider all the facts and numbers as well as the actual steps that are necessary in order to make that business successful. They hold on to their optimistic beliefs until it is too late to change something and then they get into trouble.

What is the power of positive realism?

When you combine positivity and realism you tend to see what is really going on around you but you choose to concentrate on the positive outcomes. You still acknowledge the fact that something might go wrong but you don’t get stuck on it (as opposed to negative realism). You accept it, you plan for it and you move on towards your positive future.

We all know that bad times happen in life and those times are actually vitally important for us. They build our character, they develop compassion and sympathy in us, they help us grow and see beyond what is familiar to us and they create a perfect counterbalance for all the positive events in our lives. I would never want to live a life that is filled only with positive stuff because then I would be too spoiled and I would not be able to appreciate my life as much as I do now.

This is the reason why positive realism is so strong. Even when you go through difficult times you tend to see something good in them, when you start something new you are open to both results, you are cautious and yet open, you are goal-oriented and yet flexible.

How do you master the art of positive realism?

It is really simple:

• Dream big but break those goals into realistic steps.
• Be grateful for the good and the bad in your life.
• Be flexible and accept what is coming into your life.
• Believe in something greater than yourself.

So what glasses are you wearing today?

And … oh …
Keep it balanced!

Image by notsogoodphotography

Just as we form habits in the way we act, we also form habits in the way we think. Sometimes these habits are positive, and help us form better relationships and achieve greater success in life. Other times our habitual thinking patterns can be damaging to our own mental health, to our relationships, and even to others around us.

These toxic thinking patterns are usually made up of thoughts that distort our realities, or what mental health professionals call cognitive distortions. And we all have them to some degree or another. But when these patterns become habitual they can lead not only to inconveniences, but outright serious mental health and emotional problems.

The interesting, and scary, thing about cognitive distortions is that most often we don’t even recognize them. That is because when they become habitual, they also become automatic. There is a great deal of research that shows that these automatic thoughts are actually responsible for our moods, states, and general outlook on life. By learning to recognize these automatic thoughts, eliminating cognitive distortions, and reframing them to be positive in nature, we can literally create a more fulfilling and enjoyable reality.

Why are automatic thoughts so powerful?

Automatic thoughts probably originate in the part of the mind that is most directly responsible for emotions – the amygdala. This is the most primitive part of our mind, the part that our distant ancestors relied on to decide whether to flee a perceived threat, or stand and fight; also known as the “fight or flight” response to danger. The amygdala, and its super fast reactionary responses is undoubtedly a major reason why we humans survived and evolved. Without it, we would be kitty food for that sabre toothed tiger…

The reactions of the amygdala are so quick that they are for all intents automatic. The first thing we often recognize when it fires cognitively distorted automatic thoughts into our mind is a physical sensation, like rapid breathing, muscles tightening, temperature rising, rapid pulse, etc. We often do not even recognize the actual thoughts, or self-talk, that is escalating the physical and emotional reaction to whatever is happening around us. For a cave man facing a tiger, this is a very healthy thing. For modern people, in most situations, this is not usually very healthy as our responses are often inappropriate when we are hijacked by the amygdala.

Another reason why automatic thoughts are so powerful is they are directly linked to, if not originated by, the unconscious mind. I would argue that the rapid emotional responses caused by the amygdala are actually the generated by our unconscious mind. The self-talk that happens after the initial, unconscious response, which if it is cognitively distorted, escalates the emotional reactions, may not originate from the unconscious but it is often so hardly noticeable that it must at least form a bridge to the unconscious mind.

In other words, automatic thoughts are so powerful because we typically do not have conscious awareness or control over them. They act directly within our unconscious, which controls our emotions, and our physical responses to our environment. Even more powerful, the unconscious mind actually creates our perceptions of the world around us. It creates our maps of reality, in effect creating our reality.

The 10 most common cognitive distortions

The following is a very brief summary of the 10 most common cognitive distortions.

1. All or nothing thinking. I also call this “black or white” thinking. Everything is all good, or all bad. There is nothing in between.
2. Overgeneralization. You tend to view any single negative thing as an eternal pattern of negativity. If one bad thing happens, the world is obviously coming to an end.
3. Disqualifying the positive. You can’t accept anything positive ever happening. So if something good happens, you always find a way to turn it into a negative thing, or explain why it was a fluke or it doesn’t count.
4. Mental filter. You filter out all good qualities of something so you can focus on the negative. In this way everything becomes negative.
5. Jumping to conclusions. You become a mind reader and a fortune teller. You interpret everything in a negative way without any supporting evidence.
6. Catastrophizing or minimization. You blow minor things out of proportion, and minimize positive things.
7. Emotional reasoning. You assume that your negative emotions and feelings reflect actual reality. If you feel bad, everything is bad.

8. Should statements. You try and mold the world to your vision of reality, instead of accepting the world’s reality. A very common version of this in relationships is, “If he (or she) loved me he (or she) wouldn’t ….”
9. Labeling and mislabeling. Overgeneralization in the extreme. You actually believe the overgeneralizations and make them reality in your own mind.
10. Personalization. You take things personally. You become very defensive at even the slightest perceived criticism.

How we can control cognitive distortions

While the automatic responses of the amygdala can still be of benefit to us even in modern society, these responses can lead us to overreact, or react inappropriately. This is why another part of the brain, the orbital frontal cortex (OFC), developed as we evolved into social beings. The OFC is the rational mind. It’s the part of the mind that keeps us from overreacting to ordinary stress and challenges. It keeps the amygdala in check… usually.

But we must make an effort to actually engage the OFC. It does not often respond to our environment as automatically or as quickly as the amygdala seems to. The best way to start developing a habit of recognizing your automatic self-talk (thoughts) is to consciously think about the thoughts that are going through your mind at the very first sign that emotions are welling up inside you. This first sign is usually physical, as discussed above.

When you first recognize that your breathing is becoming rapid and shallow, or your temperature is rising, or your pulse is rising, etc., STOP. Take a deep breath, or two or three, until you feel yourself start to calm down, and listen to your inner self-talk. What is it telling you?

Most likely a large portion of that talk will fall into one of those 10 cognitive distortion categories. Once you can recognize the thoughts, try and label them. Are they emotional reasoning, catastrophizing, personalization, or one of the other cognitive distortions? Once you know what they are, then counter them with a “cooling” thought. Let your OFC do its work by bringing logic and rationale into those thinking patterns.

With time you will get very good at recognizing and cooling those hot automatic thoughts. In doing so you will become a more productive problem solver, and a much happier person as your reality will be filled with glasses that are half full.

Author Bio: Chris Akins is the author of the personal development blog ChrisAkinsdotCom. You can follow his blog and learn skills for successful living that Chris shares with all his readers.

Image by eliot.

Do you sometimes feel that you are running round like a squirrel in a cage? Once you are finished with one project there is already another one waiting for you. You get through one deadline but the next one is already knocking on the door. When you think that you can finally relax you realize that there is some other emergency that you just have to take care of. And it never stops. I’ve had that feeling lately.

There is nothing wrong with being busy but if you overdo it then you feel completely out of balance. Being busy does not mean only working hard. It means taking care of the family, helping friends or relatives, working on new projects and even getting absorbed into your hobbies. I know that each of you has his/her responsibilities that can keep you busy all the time.

When you feel overwhelmed with everything around you it is time to stop and think. Is everything in your schedule really that important?
I know your first answer, “Yes, it is.” Most of us would agree at first glance that most everything we keep in our schedules is extremely important but more than often making our schedules lighter is the answer we really need. I guess Leo Babauta with his Power of Less was right after all

So when you feel that you are just too busy and have no time for yourself then it is time to stop and think. Here are some simple thoughts that will hopefully bring a little balance back into your life.

1. Live according to your life priorities. When you decide to eliminate some things from your schedule it is important to look at your life priorities first. What will affect you more: not getting a job promotion this year or not spending enough time with your kids? If you give up one of your hobbies, will you still be able to enjoy your life and be yourself? There is a lot to consider but once you get your priorities straight it will be easier for you to make the right choices.
2. There is always a good reason why your plans do not work out. Maybe it is not the right time, maybe there is a better opportunity waiting just around the corner, or maybe it is just time for you to take a break from everything. There is no point in beating yourself up because something didn’t go the way you planned. Just accept the result and go on with your life.
3. Don’t spread yourself too thin. You have probably heard the advice to live each day of your life like it’s the last one and take everything from life that you can get. It is not possible to live like that in the real world without serious consequences. Look at the most important things in your life (turn to your priorities for this) and try to give most of your attention to them.
   It is important to have hobbies and interests, it is great to build a career (if this is your goal) and try new things in life but if these activities drain you then you should consider eliminating some of them or devoting less time to them. You don’t have to play football, train for a triathlon and join a basketball league all at the same time. Just focus on the one that brings you the most pleasure (or money if we are talking about work.)
4. Keep your dreams and goals in check. Having goals and dreams in life is something that we all need because it keeps us focused as well as gives us determination to get through the hard times. However, the old saying that “moderation is the key to life” can definitely be used in this example especially. Too many times our lives are thrown out of balance because we set unrealistic goals for ourselves. Do you really think that you can cut the grass, wash the car and have time to make it to your child’s sporting event in an hour? If you can then that’s awesome but most of us will just have to settle with driving a dirty car or let the grass grow for another few days. Make sure your dreams and goals are realistic for you and not somebody else.
5. Just take a break. Sometimes all you need is just a little break. Avoid any activities that are not important and let yourself relax a little bit. You don’t have to fix super healthy meals all the time or follow a strict regimen of workouts. Relax about keeping your house clean all the time and let your kids enjoy some extra cartoons now and then in the evening while you are doing what you love. Avoid watching or reading news if possible and minimize your media exposure. Just one week of this “easy” life will help you get back on track.
6. Spend some time outside. Nature has an amazing power to calm even the most unsettled mind down and set anyone in the mood of serenity. According to nature show you the way to a balanced life?
7. Ask for support. A lot of times we do not want to admit to the people around us that we need help. Of course, people are different but in my experience most people like helping others. Especially if these people are close to you. There is no need to be a superman or superwoman all the time (even if you want to be one then you can still take a small break from being super).
   Today my husband went grocery shopping for me and got a lot of interesting things. He said that he is going to take care of supper this week. Just the thought of it made me so happy inside (his beanie weenies turned out great!)
8. Stop procrastinating. Some tasks just create an illusion that they are difficult and time consuming. You put them on your to-do list but every time you look at those tasks you shift your attention to something else (phone calls about bills, little home-improvement projects or some boring tasks at work). These tasks will keep bugging you and making you feel stressed out for no reason. Just finish any tasks that you’ve been procrastinating and you will feel that you can breathe freely again.
9. Have a spiritual break. If you are a religious person then praying will definitely help. If you are not religious then meditating or just practicing any mindful activity will help you clear your mind and shake off the stress you’ve been under.
10. Have a positive experience. When I am tired I tend to look at everything with a touch of gray. This not-so-positive attitude does not make the situation look any easier at all. It is vitally important to have some positive activity to shift your vision from a gray mode into colored mode. Watching a comedy, hanging out with friends, playing with your pets, reading something funny or trying a new activity – anything that can make you laugh will do. Find time for this experience no matter how busy you are.

Now there is just one more tip I can give you. Take a deep breath in, listen to yourself and have a good night sleep. Everything will look better in the morning.

Keep it balanced!

How many times have you heard the advice “Just listen to yourself”? I must say, that I’ve heard that advice a lot of times and I have given that advice probably just as much.

The idea of “listening to yourself” is really brilliant if you know how to do it. But what if you do not hear the voice that tells you what is right for you and what is not? What if you don’t know what your inner self is telling you? How do you know that listening to yourself is better than listening to all the smart people around you and following their most logical path in life?

When you listen to yourself you make decisions that are right for you. No one else knows what will make you happy (even if they say they do) and bring your life in balance.

If you want to learn to listen to yourself then you have two major tasks: Know yourself and Hear yourself.

Know Yourself

If you know who you are, what your interests are and how you feel about things in life then you can hear your inner voice. A lot of times we don’t know ourselves completely because we are always surrounded by the opinions and expectations of other people.

Maybe one of your parents had a dream that you would be a successful doctor and that dream became your path in life. Was it your dream? Do you really like being a doctor? I almost made the mistake of following the path that my family thought was right for me (yes, their dream for me was to become a doctor) but I am glad that I chose my own way instead.

1. Become mindful of everything you do. Make it a habit to think about everything you do throughout the day. How does it make you feel? Why are you doing it? What are the results of every action? If you practice mindfulness then you will learn to stop and think clearly about what you are doing. You will know what is going on inside of you every second of your life.
2. Don’t live by the book. Following a certain route in life (especially the one that was written by somebody else) does not give you any opportunity to listen to yourself. When you feel like doing something (even if it seems very irrational at the moment), go ahead and do it! Okay, everything must be done in moderation and I am not asking you to quit your job if you get mad at your boss. But:
   • If you feel like going for a walk in the rain –do it.
   • If you feel like staying up all night even though you have to go to work tomorrow – do it.
   • If you feel like skipping your workout and going to the movies with your best friend – do it.

   Do something new and unexpected at least once a week and you will become more relaxed about life and you will know your inner self better.

3. Take care of yourself. Have you ever felt selfish when you devoted some time to yourself rather than spending time with your family or working on a new project at work? I know I did. I also know that if I don’t take care of myself then I lose part of myself. I can’t be a good wife, I can’t be a good mom and I can’t deal with my job too.

   In order to know yourself you must spend some time regularly doing what you love. I would really suggest that this activity does not include shopping, watching TV or playing video games. You can walk, do some gardening, try a new recipe, swim, paint, write or whatever you feel like doing. If you do what you like then you know how it feels to be calm, relaxed and balanced. This is the feeling you are looking for when you try to listen to yourself.

4. Find your core belief. Your core belief is the belief that keeps you afloat in any life storm and that lets you walk through life confidently and steadily. If you know what your core belief is then you can turn to this belief when you need to listen to yourself.
   My core belief is my faith (I am a Christian) and I know that the Holy Spirit guides me through life and has never let me down (and never will.) When I need advice then I pray and I always receive the answer and support that works for me.

   You can have a different core belief and you can discover it after answering a few questions in this post.

Hear Yourself

Once you know yourself it is time to hear yourself. Your inner voice, Holy Spirit, intuition, sixth sense, subconscious mind (choose the right name for yourself) can guide you through life and help you make the right decisions. It does not mean that you will not make mistakes but those mistakes will teach you something too in life.

5. Declutter your mind. Today we are constantly surrounded by information that often clutters our mind. TV shows, Facebook, Twitter, opinions of people around you, news, blogs (I am taking a risk that you will unsubscribe from my blog after this, but if it brings you mental clarity – I am only for it), magazines and more… You need to have some clear room in your mind that will let you hear yourself and not voices of other people.
   Limit your exposure to any media at least a few times a week.
   Try to keep a positive attitude towards any news you hear.
   Spend some time in quietude and solitude daily.
6. Go to your special place. A special place is a place where you feel calm and where you feel connected to your inner self and to your core. It might be your back porch, shower, beach, park, art gallery, coffee shop or any other place. Don’t let anybody disturb you there, just dive into your thoughts and let them flow through you. Listen to what your inner self is telling you at that moment.
7. Ask yourself questions. Before you can hear anything you often have to ask questions. The most powerful questions are: Why? and How?
   Why am I worried about this?
   How do I feel it about it?
   After all the why’s and how’s you can keep on going with what’s, where’s and when’s.
   Keep asking yourself different questions until you feel that you have found the right answer.
8. Learn to be patient. An impatient person often acts based on emotions. They don’t even have time to listen to themselves because they are always in a hurry. My advice is to relax and be patient no matter what.
9. Don’t listen to your emotions. Any decisions that I made based on emotions were real disasters. I lost money, I almost lost a friend, I lost my inner balance and gained a lot of problems.
   When you learn to be mindful and patient you discover the difference between raw emotions and your inner voice. Give yourself some time to reflect on any situation, step aside and ask yourself questions “Do I really need this?’, “Is it my true decision or am I forced into this?”, “How will I feel about it tomorrow (in a year, in 5 years)?”
10. Imagine yourself on a deserted island. Sometimes it is helpful to imagine yourself in a place where only your opinion matters. There is nobody else to judge you, there is no “right” or “wrong” way to do things and there are no expectations or deadlines pressing you. What would you do in that situation? Can you do it now? Why not?

Do you often listen to yourself? Do you usually get the right or the wrong advice? Please share your thoughts in the comments below.

Keep it balanced!

Image by emdot

Passion … it seems to be the most popular topic online now. Everybody is looking for passion in life, everybody is talking about the importance of it and everybody can’t imagine life without it. What is passion? Do you have it in your life? How do you develop it? I have even written a guest post about how to turn your passion into a business for Dragos Roua (one of my favorite bloggers by the way:-))

A question that I have seen a few times already is “Does life balance mean that you can’t follow your passion in life?” If you have asked yourself the same question then here are a few of my thoughts on this subject.

Passion is an essential part of life balance in my opinion. Why? If you have passion then you have something to live for, you have goals to aspire for, you have dreams to reach, and you have inspiration to get you through life.

However, there is a difference between passion and obsession. When you follow your passion you can still look around and see what else is going on in the world. If you turn your passion into an obsession then you start living in a tunnel where your world is limited in all directions. Is this what you want in life? I hope not.

Following your passion does not mean forgetting about everything else around you. It means having a driving force that pushes you through life. Of course sometimes when you are focused on your passion you can forget about other areas of your life for a little bit. You shift your life balance slightly to adjust it to your current needs.

Passion is like a car. When you are driving you are concentrated on the road and the car takes you to your destination. However, if you start driving too fast then you might lose control of your car. If you forget to look out for other cars around you then again you have a high probability of getting into a wreck. You have to balance your focus between the road and your speed while concentrating on everything that is going on around you.

You know that we are not talking about a mathematically balanced life here. We are talking about the natural balance of life that is peaceful, flexible and gives room for growth in any direction. It is great to have passion in life and it does not mean that we have to forget about our families, about our friends, about our health or about our finances.

Some people have lived without any type of balance in life and these people are pure geniuses (Albert Einstein, Leonardo da Vinci, Leo Tolstoy and many others.) However, not all of us are geniuses like that and that’s absolutely wonderful that we aren’t. Can you imagine if the average person could whip up an atomic bomb in the basement when they feel disgruntled at work? Who would care about beautiful paintings if everybody could draw masterpieces? Who would want to go to a concert if all of us could sing and compose music as easy as just talking? Don’t you think that life would lose its charm if all of us were equally gifted? I think that most people need natural balance in their lives.

Living a life of passion is very rewarding as well as living a life of natural balance. I can even say that for most of us combining balance and passion is the utmost rewarding experience and the best way to live a life of happiness and purpose. Here is a small guide that can help you combine both in your life:

• Follow your passion without forgetting what else brings happiness into your life.
• Be focused without being obsessed.
• Be a person who is willing to grow even if it means outgrowing your passion at some point.
• Don’t lose yourself in your passion. After all it is just one part of your life.
• Use everything around you as inspiration and nourishment for your passion.
• Don’t be selfish. Following your passion does not mean that your loved ones must live in your shadow or suffer because you don’t give them enough attention and love.
• Look in the future. What do you see in your life 5, 10, 20 years from now? What will be your passion then? Will you be happy with what you have accomplished in life?
• Be aware of your body and soul. Stop frequently and make sure that you are doing the right thing and your passion is not draining you physically or emotionally.
• Don’t try to divide your time equally between different areas of your life. You will only stress yourself out. Just relax and go with the flow of your passion and life.

What do you think about passion and life balance? Can they coexist or do you have to live the life of extremes in order to follow your passion? What is your passion and how does it fit into your life? And don’t forget,

Keep it balanced!

Image by zenonline

“In balance.”

This phrase runs through my mind almost every time I think about my life.

I really want you to feel the same feeling of inner calmness, peace, happiness and content when you look at your life. I also hope that a lot of you already have that feeling no matter how different your lives are from mine.

For a while now on week-ends I’ve been rambling about life balance and what it means to all of us. After we have discovered what life balance is for each of us and what core feelings and beliefs create a basis for this balance, I think it is time to lay the foundation of it.

No matter how you view life balance and what your core beliefs are, there are three pillars that can be beneficial to each and every one of us. I find that these pillars are essential parts of my life that help me be in balance. Take a look at them:

1. Patience. Patience gives inner calm and lets you flow through the waves of life. No goal is too distant, no task is too complicated, and no journey is too long for a person who has mastered patience. Sometimes we just have to wait patiently in life to get where we want to be.

   If you look at life balance the way I do (inner feeling of harmony, peace and fulfillment in life) then patience will definitely take you there. Practice it every day and in every situation and you will notice that soon your life will finally flow in the direction you want to.

   Here is your guide to becoming a patient person.

   “The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it.”
   Arnold H. Glasgow

2. Mindfulness (awareness.) When you are mindful you get used to looking inside of you and actually understanding what you see there. Have you ever had this feeling that you want something but you don’t know what? Have you ever asked yourself “What is my purpose in life? What am I doing here?” Have you ever wondered why some people seem to get everything effortlessly in life?

   I want to be bold enough to say that the answer to all these questions lies in mindfulness. Being mindful means understanding what your body tells you and when. It also means understating the origin of the emotions you are experiencing. When you learn to be mindful you can easily find your core beliefs and open your heart to spirituality, faith, kindness, generosity, love, and freedom.

   Take a deep breath in and slowly proceed to this guide for mindful living.

   “The ultimate value of life depends upon awareness and the power of contemplation rather than upon mere survival.”
   Aristotle

3. Moderation. “Everything is good in moderation,” this is the motto that I use in life. Moderation protects us from obsessions, addictions, different –holisms and other extremes. Not everyone will enjoy the life of moderation but being in balance means being moderate in life.

   Whether you are conscious about your health, environmental impact or your work, moderation will give you the tools to find just the right balance. Being moderate is not about subduing any strong feeling or emotions in life, it is about making mindful choices that you will not regret. As one of my readers mentioned in her comment “Moderation is good in moderation.”

   Find ways to incorporate moderation into your life here.

   “Only actions give life strength; only moderation gives it charm.”
   Jean Paul Richter

These three virtues are just the foundation of life balance. They are the building stones that will keep the rest of the structure stable and intact no matter what. Once these pillars are in place you can start adding other virtues like kindness, generosity, positivity, gratitude, and others to create a wonderful palace of life where you want to live.

How do you relate to the virtues mentioned above? Do you have other pillars that keep your palace of life stable? Don’t forget to leave a comment and add to the discussion!

Keep it balanced!

Image by Alex is late

When you start looking for balance and meaning in your life you might ask yourself “Where do I start?” There are so many important things in life and figuring out the first step is always the most difficult part.

If you’ve read my recent post My life is out of balance (well, if you didn’t then I recommend that you head over there right now) you know that balance has different meanings for each of us. Of course there can’t be one way that will work for everybody but I can show you how you can find your first step.

Life balance is about peace, harmony, happiness, serenity, meaning and fulfillment in life. If you can say that your life already has all that then you are a truly happy person. If you are still struggling with some areas then you need to find your own core.

The core is the part within you that lets you survive any crisis, that lets you find courage to follow your passion and that gives you meaning and reason for life. It is also the part that you can turn to if you feel sad or you can’t explain some things in your life. It is the part that gives you inspiration and strength day after day.

Ask yourself:

• Where do I seek strength if I am down?
• Where do I find inspiration?
• What gives me courage to do what I believe in?
• What gives my life meaning?
• What helps me be a good person?

Ultimately the answer to all these questions should be just one thing. This is your core belief.

You know that there are a lot of discussions about beliefs on personal development blogs right now and I am not going to start one of those discussions. I know that you have control over your beliefs and if you choose the right beliefs (versus limiting, traditional or unsupported beliefs) then you will find your core.

Okay, it is time for me to tell you what my core belief is. My core belief is my … faith. I am a Christian. I know that religion is not the most “fashionable” thing in the personal development sphere right now (and I understand that a lot of you, my readers, won’t support this idea) but this is my core. This core gives me courage to be honest and true to myself and this is the basis of life balance for me. I am not preaching here and I do not expect all of you to follow my ideas.

No matter what your background is, no matter whether you are religious or not and no matter what your beliefs are, I ask you to look inside of yourself. What do you see there? What is Your core? I hope that you’ll share your ideas in the comments below. Together we can come up with a lot of ideas that can help all of us find balance within. Happy Easter and

Keep it balanced!

Image by Dia

I want to confess: “My life is out of balance.”

I can already hear you saying “Wait! Your life is out on balance and you are giving advice about balanced living on this blog?”

You have the right to say that but before you do I want to show you why my life is out of balance and why your life should be out of balance too.

The general idea of balanced living is that you divide your life into 6 areas (family, finances, career, friends and social life, health, spirituality) and you try to give equal amounts of attention to each of these areas. If that’s what you are looking for on this blog, then I am sorry to disappoint you. I do not believe in that type of balance. I do not know any single person that lives a truly balanced life (in the sense I’ve just described). And I do not see how this logically divided life can be happy and fulfilling.

Please tell me, how can a new parent be equally excited about a child and his/her work or friends? How can a person who has just started his business not spend more time on it than on anything else in life? How can you compare the amount of time a 16- and a 60-year old spend taking care of their health? How can you imagine that every person on this planet has the same requirements for happy and balanced living?

Our lives constantly change and these changes bring new challenges, new joys and new requirements. What you thought of “Cool! I’ll be happy doing it my entire life” when you were a teenager might seem like nonsense when you are even in your 20s. Requirements for happiness in life change with us over the years.

When I said that my life is out of balance I meant that I do not have a standard balanced life. I do not divide my life into equal areas and I am not trying to do it all at the same time.

Let me tell you what life balance is to me.

Life balance is inner peace and happiness.

Life balance is the understanding that my life is full and yet I have plenty of room to bring something new into it.

Life balance is a happy family that I have and smiles on the faces of my girls.

Life balance is taking care of my body without forgetting my soul.

Life balance is walking outside and seeing the beauty around me that inspires me day after day.

Life balance is faith that I have.

Life balance is knowing that I do not live on the edge and that I feel secure walking through my life.

This is what life balance is for me. It is not some mathematical equation that I must follow in life. It is a life of passion, love, kindness, generosity, happiness and joy.

What is life balance for you?

Keep it balanced!

P.S. This post was inspired by a conversation with my friend Lana Kravtsova. She is a great coach who can give you clarity in life and help you live the life of your dreams. Do not forget to check out her blog Daring Clarity or maybe schedule a coaching session with her.