Do you ever feel sapped of energy while trying to catch up with life as it moves at 90 miles an hour? Do you feel like no matter what you do, you’re always burdened with tasks and feeling sleep deprived? Time and energy “leaks” in your life may be the culprit.

Energy (a.k.a. your “will power”) and time are intimately related. When you deplete your energy, you reduce your ability to focus and thus accomplish the tasks in your life effectively. On the other hand, when you run out of time, you expend energy inefficiently as you try to rush through the things you need to do.

The energy and time “leaks” in your life consume your ability to get things done and feel fulfilled. These leaks exist in mental, physical, and emotional forms and they must be identified and “plugged” in order to become more productive. I, for example, suffered the following leaks: Feeling sluggish from sitting at my desk all day, reading and responding to mundane emails as they constantly stream in numbed my mind, and feeling bad about an argument I had with a coworker has been consuming my mind.

Leaks can be plugged by replacing thoughts and habits that suck energy and time with ones that make you more productive. Expanding upon the examples above, I plugged the leaks as follows:

1. Interrupting myself from work every 45 minutes and doing stretches, walking around the block, and listening to empowering music to psych me out of boredom
2. Limiting email-checking to only 2 times in the day so I’m not constantly bombarded with boring notes in my inbox
3. Having a heart-to-heart conversation with my colleague to resolve the issue

Another form of leakage that deserves its own category due to its particularly insidious nature is multitasking. Multitasking has often been promoted as an indication of high efficiency, but both statistics and common sense would say otherwise. True multitasking is nearly impossible. What most people do is a variation of multitasking in which one switches quickly between tasks. It is estimated that multitasking can consume about 40% of your productive time (based on a study conducted in Psychology Today).

Let’s think about this from a common sense perspective: it takes time to switch between tasks, and furthermore, the constant switching means that you will never be able to fully focus on any one task. True efficiency comes from specificity. Think about how our bodies are designed- we have several organs that each serve a specific purpose. We don’t think with our large intestines or speak with our leg muscles!

I often found myself multitasking by doing things that seemed rather innocent: reading while watching TV, typing while talking to my sister over the phone, texting someone while doing research on the web, and browsing multiple sites simultaneously with tabs in my web browser. How do YOU currently multitask? Once you’ve identified these “leaks,” stop and select the highest priority task to do now, while completing the others one by one.

Consider how the leaks in your life currently add to imbalance and lack of energy and time to do what really matters for you. Most people are unaware of how these leaks affect them and only see the results. Now that you know what can be consuming your time and energy, start plugging those leaks by replacing the counterproductive habits and thoughts with ones that serve you in a positive way.

Kristoph Matthewsis an entrepreneur and scientist, whose mission in life is to turn ideas into reality and inspire others to do the same. Find him on his blog UnSwampedLife.com: Become a Master of Your Time and Live a Life of Freedom and Purpose.

Photo credit: joshuaporter.co.ukHow to

Are you looking for life balance too?

For a second imagine that you are in a huge thick forest with birds chirping over your head, nice breeze running through your hair and warm sun rays playing on your hands and face. There is a huge oak tree in this forest and one day two acorns fell off of it.

One acorn hit the rock and ricocheted towards a nearby stream, went downstream and finally fell into fertile soil on a nice open clearing. The acorn sprouted roots and grew into a mighty oak tree even stronger than its “father.”

Another acorn fell on the ground and one day strong wind picked it up, dragged it across the forest until it reached a cliff. The acorn fell down but fortunately got stuck between two huge boulders in a little piece of dirt. It sprouted roots too and started growing slowly every day enduring harsh winds, ruthless sun and constant lack of nutrition. It grew into a crooked dwarfish tree that was weak. The bigger the tree grew the more nutrition and support it needed however there was not enough soil between those boulders to provide for its needs. The oak started withering down and losing its strength until one day a strong wind finally broke it.

If you look at both of the trees one would seem like a true masterpiece of nature: harmonious and balanced. The other one will look like a feat of survival doomed to lose its balance from the first days it started growing.

In life we can also maintain two types of balance: one balance is grounded, solid, peaceful and fulfilling. The other balance we maintain just to get by but any unfavorable circumstances can easily knock us down and send us over a cliff.

What type of balance are you living in right now?

Sometimes it’s very difficult to realize what type of balance you are living in right now but it is vital for your own sake and of the ones you love to discover if you are just maintaining a flimsy temporary equilibrium rather than solid balance.

The other night my husband and I stumbled across a TV show called Hoarders on A&E. I was shocked to see how some people can live in 3-5 feet of clutter, junk and old moldy trash distributed in an even layer across the entire house. There is no way to walk around the house, they sleep on piles of old clothes and boxes, their bathrooms looks so disgusting that it is unsanitary even to walk into them. And somehow these people think that they are living a normal life and are taken by surprise when someone reports their house to the authorities. Then of course they face eviction, loss of parenting rights and bankruptcy.

No matter how surprising this might seem these people live in their own type of reality, their own version of “balance.” Over time they get used to the look of their house, they choose not to communicate with other people (so that they don’t feel ashamed of their living conditions and lifestyle) and believe that it’s just a temporary mess in their house that they can clean up any time.

The only time when these people realize that they have a problem is when a major crisis occurs in their family. Somebody gets sick but the paramedics can’t get vitally important equipment to the patient in time. The house gets taken over by bed bugs and the entire family (including small kids) is forced to live in a tent outside because the exterminators can’t treat the house. Or they simply get a notice that the house is condemned and they will be evicted within 30 days unless they “dejunkify” their living space.

When you are living your life with the wrong type of balance a major crisis is the only thing that will show you the reality of your situation. But why take the matters so far if you can find the right type of balance right now?

Of course hoarding is not the only example of unhealthy balance. Consider the following situation:

1. Perfectionism – simple joys stop bringing pleasure into your life because you are so focused on the “perfect” that you can’t see past the not perfectly dusted furniture or having a clean car all the time. The “perfect” balance is all about going by the rules that you have created. If someone does something differently you get mad and frustrated. If you fall short of your own expectations (and it happens pretty often) then you feel depressed and upset at the entire world.

   Perfectionists often seek a “mathematical” balance. They believe that each area of their lives should be equally developed or should reach an “ideal” balance. This concept is impossible in real life and I have written several times already on why it is harmful to your well-being.

2. Work – workaholism is obviously the most common unbalanced approach to life but there are others.

   Some people complain that they are not treated right at work but at the same time they are the ones who have no ambitions and never try to be part of a team.

   Others complain that they are not satisfied with their job but when someone mentions to them to look for another job or start their own business they immediately find an excuse why it’s impossible for them (the most common one is “it’s just not for me.”)

   Unfortunately, the crisis that a lot of these “balanced” people face is losing their job. Why take the matters so far? Rethink your problems at work and find the real reason behind them.

3. Poor relationships. I’ve heard so many people say “It’s difficult for me to make friends because people don’t like me or they don’t want to be my friend.” As a result these people choose a secluded lifestyle with few to no friends and a very bitter attitude.

   If you want to make friends or be a better friend then you are the one who has to make the first step. If you move to a new neighborhood go ahead and introduce yourself to the neighbors, invite them over for a grill-out or a cup of coffee.

   My husband and I were talking once about not having enough young family activities at our church. But then it dawned on us, why do we expect someone else to organize an activity that we want? If we are really that anxious about meeting new people then we are the ones who have to make the first step by inviting them over or organizing a movie night (and since both my husband and I are introverts entertaining is not our thing, to say the least.) Once our approach was changed we met a lot of wonderful people who we are proud to call friends.

4. Dating/marriage problems. This one is a biggie. So many people choose to live in unbalanced relationships because they are afraid to be alone or they don’t have the courage to talk honestly with their partners. It’s so much easier to say “It’s my partner’s fault that our relationship is suffering so much” but do we always do 100%, 120% to preserve the love and romance? This frustration over time leads to a loss of trust, jealousy, anger and even gives room to addictions.

   Others have trouble finding the love of their life but they are not doing anything to be the person that can be loved. They hang out at bars and hope to meet the right person there. They don’t ask people that they like out on a date but rather live off the “hints”, “looks” and assumptions. They don’t take care of themselves but somehow want to date a supermodel. They can’t communicate without arguing or interrogating and then they complain that the other person doesn’t understand them.

5. Money. With the economy being so unstable these days a lot of people have reevaluated their finances. So many of us got used to living off credit that they consider it a norm. But once they lose their job, have an unexpected expense or realize that they simply can’t maintain their lifestyle any more they find themselves in a heap of trouble. A life that seemed so balanced and structured all of a sudden turns into a chase to pay off credit card bills. Life turns into a never-ending nightmare with many zeros behind it. They lose their freedom and they are forced to live in a rat race.
6. Health. Did you ever find an excuse to justify an unhealthy habit? I did, many times, unfortunately. When I smoked I thought that it was just normal because everyone else around me was doing it. When I refused to try running I was telling myself “It’s just not for me, it’s too boring.” When I tried crash diets and skipped breakfast continuously (both of which messed up my stomach) I was thinking “I’ll be fine. I’m different from everyone else, it will work for me.” (Of course it didn’t!)

   It’s easy to live a life of elusive balance and poor health but one day all the bad choices that you made in life will catch up with you. As a Pilates instructor I teach clients of different age and different fitness levels. The most amazing and inspiring part about being a Pilates instructor for me is seeing older people (in their 70s and 80s) doing Pilates faithfully week after week. A lot of them have arthritis, knee and hip replacements, fibromyalgia, osteoporosis and a hundred more conditions, and yet every morning they get up and make a decision to keep moving and doing everything they can to live healthy. If they can do it, then why can’t we?

No matter how balanced or unbalanced you feel your life is I am asking you to reevaluate your life today. Are you a strong oak tree or a stunted one that will be knocked down into the abyss with the next gust of wind?

The only way to live a truly balanced life is to keep challenging yourself and improving yourself. Take a look at what your life looks like and what you want it to look like. You are the only one responsible for your life, your achievements and failures. Your boss, partner, colleagues and family members have nothing to do with your life choices. Accept this fact today and start improving yourself to be a better parent, friend, partner, employee or business owner, neighbor, daughter or son, and person.

Benjamin Franklin at the age of 20 set his life-long goal of achieving moral perfection. He made a list of 13 virtues to live by daily. He always carried a little notebook with him that contained charts consisting of a column for each day of the week and a row corresponding to each virtue. At the end of each day he placed a dot next to each virtue that he violated. The goal was to minimize those dots thus indicating a “clean” life free of vices.

He kept this notebook until his last days however he never achieved perfection. One would think that it was a wasted attempt but here is how Benjamin Franklin put it himself:

Tho’ I never arrived at the perfection I had been so ambitious of obtaining, but fell far short of it, yet I was, by the endeavor, a better and a happier man than I otherwise should have been if I had not attempted it. ~Benjamin Franklin

A balanced life is one that you keep improving constantly no matter how easy or difficult it might be at times. If you live in balance that is not going anywhere and is not making you a better person every day then you are lost.

It is time to make 2012 the year of improvement, change, breaking out of stagnant zones and balance and I am here to help you in any way I can.

Keep it balanced!

P.S. It is time for the annual Life Balance Survey. Please click here to answer 6 simple questions that will make BalanceInMe more targeted to your needs. When you fill out the survey you will be able to download a free 10-minute Balance Workout that will improve your coordination, challenge your balance and tone your body. Thank you for being part of our balanced community!

Photo credit: FLASHFLOOD, alexbip, Rob Watling

Did you ever ask yourself a hard question? Something beyond “What am I going to have for supper?” or “How can I get a promotion at work?”

I’ve been in a situation before when a long-term relationship wasn’t working out and the only question on my mind was “Why are relationships so hard?”

Another time my plans were ruined and I felt completely helpless. My question then was “Does everything happen for a reason? Because I definitely don’t see any reason for THIS.”

And sometimes I read news headlines or simply hear a heart-breaking story that makes me wonder “Why is there suffering in the world?”

Did you ever ask yourself questions like that?

About a month ago I got an email from Lori Deschene from Tiny Buddha asking if I would like to review her book Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions. I am usually very picky about the books that I agree to review but this one was a no-brainer. I’ve been following Tiny Buddha for about 2 years now and my posts were featured there twice (click here and here to read them.) Of course I was excited about reading Lori’s book and actually finding answers to the questions mentioned above.

The book exceeded all my expectations. From the first sentences you get completely absorbed into smooth flow of Lori’s writing and it only gets better as you travel from one page to the next one. The book is interwoven with personal experiences from Lori’s life, age-old wisdom, tweets from Lori’s followers and practical tips (and you know that I am all about practical advice.) I simply loved it!

I asked Lori to answer several questions about life balance and her book. Read the interview and find out how you can win a free copy of Lori’s book.

1. In your book you share universal wisdom and your personal life experiences when answering life’s hardest questions. What was the most difficult answer for you to learn personally?

The most challenging question for me has always been how to let go of pain. The exact question in my book is, “Why is there suffering in the world?” However, that section explores all aspects of pain—why we resist it, how that can create even more pain, why we sometimes feel ashamed of it, and how accepting and learning from it can make a positive difference in the world.

I’ve had some incredibly low lows in my lifetime. For years I exacerbated my pain by clinging to negative stories and expecting the worst in everyone and everything. I let my pain define me for most of my teens and twenties, and for a while, I felt hesitant to change. That identity became comforting to me.

I don’t know why there’s suffering in the world, but I do know that a lot of good can come from pain if we’re willing to learn, grow, recycle our hurts to help other people, and in doing so, find a sense of peace and empowerment in the present moment.

That doesn’t mean every moment will feel peaceful and empowering. I still hurt at times, as we all will all through our lives. But I have a different perspective now, and as a result, I’m less frequently the cause of my pain.

2. How do you think people can use advice from your book to improve their lives?

The book explores the universal challenges that are relevant to all of us. It includes questions about letting go of pain, finding meaning in life, choosing happiness, creating positive change, maintaining healthy relationships, living life to the fullest, and accepting uncertainty.

Because I shaped Tiny Buddha around a wide range of responses to these questions (from Twitter followers who tweeted their answers) it offers a broad exploration of these topics and provides various empowering perspectives.

Tiny Buddha also includes practical, concrete action steps relevant to the different themes to help readers create meaning, happiness, fulfillment, and peace in their relationships, one moment at a time.

It’s not a book of concrete answers; it’s a book of possibilities, often supported by scientific, psychological, and sociological research. I also shared my own experiences in learning to answer these questions for myself, in hopes of helping readers do the same thing: identify and utilize the answers that make sense to them individually.

3. One of the great things about your book (in my opinion) is that you used tweets from your Twitter followers to broaden each and every answer in your book. In real life though social media can be quite distracting and can keep us from being present. How do you balance social media with your everyday meaningful life?

When I first got on Twitter, I often tweeted all through the day from my personal account, while frequently updating my Facebook page and engaging with other people on theirs. That quickly felt overwhelming, as I felt a constant need to monitor the stream and stay involved.

Over time, I’ve become far less immersed in social media. I updated the Tiny Buddha accounts 2–4 times each week day, and I tweet from my personal account every few days. I’m on my personal Facebook page a little more often, but I don’t feel tied to social media, as I once did.

One thing that helps me is that I don’t update my accounts from my phone. Though I now have Internet access on there (I held out for a while!) it’s not a smart phone, which makes it a pretty slow connection. Because it’s not as convenient, I just don’t do it, and I know that contributes to my overall well-being.

Since I work from home on my computer, I would far prefer to simply disconnect when I’m out. That’s not to say I think everyone should do this. I think we all need to identify what level of engagement and disconnection contributes to our overall well-being, and then honor what we know to be true.

4. I would love to ask you one more Hard Life Question. How do you live your life in balance?

That is a hard one! I think what makes it hard is that it’s so much easier to recognize what balance looks like than it is to honor that with consistency.

So the first part of my answer is what balance looks like for me. It’s a lot like that essay Everything I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten. I need to “learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.”

Essentially, I need to be sure I don’t get too wrapped up in any one part of my life—as if my work defines me, or my relationships defines me, or my hobbies define me—and I need to remember that self-care is a priority, not a luxury.

The second part is how I honor those things with consistency, and the answer is: I don’t always do that. There are times when I do get a little caught up in one part of my life, and then I start to feel off-balance. Where I feel I’ve made massive improvements is that I now do this far less often than I used to.

I think accepting that we’ll stumble occasionally but knowing we’re improving over time is the key to emotional balance. And ultimately, that’s what helps us get back on track when we’ve lost our way.

Thank you Lori!

Two readers of BalanceInMe can win a free hard-cover copy of the book Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions.

Just leave a comment here saying What Life’s Hard Question you are trying to answer. I will announce the winner on Tuesday, Dec 27th.

Keep it balanced!

Winners of the book Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions are comment #11 – Sara L and comment #20 – Marta. (The winners were picked using a random number generator.) Congratulations!

Thanks to everyone who shared their questions and thoughts on this post. Since now I know your questions I will try my best to find answers for them and share those answers on Balance In Me. Thank you for being part of this balanced community!

BTW, comments are now closed on this post.

How many times do we get frustrated over something that has gone wrong, even if just a little? We end up agitated and upset, and our day is ruined. We dwell in the inadequacies and beat ourselves up over them. However, these shortfalls are not worth sweating for; rather we need to take a step back, allow some distance, and look at the big picture.

Many times, things don’t seem to go go according to plan – perhaps the proposal arrived a day late at client’s doorsteps, or we weren’t able to run the full 30 minutes at the gym as we planned?

We get annoyed at ourselves. We zoom in on the small things gone wrong and become angry and disappointed – and we cannot fully focus on the next course of actions we were supposed to take.

In the end, we mess up the whole project, or give up, because of that one little hiccup. Or perhaps we have to start all over again, yet already we feel deflated. We wanted everything to be perfect and went to meticulous lengths to so ensure, and now it’s all crumbled down.

Sounds familiar?

However, have we ever thought that in the grand scheme of things these little glitches actually do not matter?

In the course of the last 18 months, as I struggled with severe migraines and major depression, I started practicing Chinese calligraphy. It’s been an interest I’ve always had, and never had the time to pursue. Now that I live in Beijing, I thought what better place to start? And now with the luxury of time, albeit not as much energy due to my illness, I decided to find myself a teacher.

After a few trial and errors, I found the Teacher with whom I practice calligraphy and taichi martial arts. One day, as I was writing during the class, he asked me to stop in mid-stroke.

He asked me how I was feeling. I was taken aback and didn’t really understand the question. But he just insisted I answer him.

So I stopped and tried to come to senses with my emotions. I realized that I was irritated.

Teacher asked me why. “Well,” I said, “that stroke is too wobbly and the next one was too fat.”

He asked me why that was the case. I thought, what a silly question, I just needed more practice!

Yet again, he wouldn’t let me pick up my brush again till I gave him an answer beyond a meager “practice makes perfect” philosophy.

After a few drills like this, I came to a revelation – I worried too much about how the whole character would turn out. In my head, I had an ideal way of how it was supposed to look, so I was trying to express it in ink.

The problem with this mentality was, like many things in my life, I was too concerned with the end goal and wasn’t enjoying, or focusing on the process and the steps that would lead me to my end destination.

I just wanted to write the character perfectly. Hence, when one stroke went haywire, I immediately got agitated that the whole character wouldn’t turn out the way I wanted it to. And so, the strokes following all ended up lopsided because I was too caught up on the stroke that “went wrong” before.

In the end, the whole character looked like squiggles I painted in kindergarten and nothing like I visualized.

So, my Teacher said, now that I’m aware of what was going through my head and my associated emotions, I need to take a different road. I just need to trust that I know what I was writing. However good or bad a particular stroke turned out does not matter. What is more important is that I could reorient and calm my mind for every individual stroke, and think only of writing that one.

One stroke at a time. One little step at a time.

Strangely, but perhaps unsurprisingly, my characters started to take proper form and shape. Yes, perhaps the vertical stroke could have been straighter, but the fact that it wasn’t perfect didn’t affect the character as a whole at all! It was legible, and artistic, and I was happy with the result.

One small wobble in the grand scheme of things, does not actually destroy the whole destination as we sometimes feel when in the midst of it.

As I strive to recover from my depression, here are a few enlightened thoughts I gleaned through my calligraphy practice to not sweat the small stuff

1. The overall goal, end destination is there to give me direction.

We already know what we want to achieve. There is no need to obsess about it. Have the big picture in your mind and trust in yourself.

2. We will mess up somehow along the way

Life is not perfect. We are not perfect. So eventually, something will go wrong or not as planned

Once we accept this truth, we can stop pressuring ourselves to perfection and cause ourselves anxiety.

Moreover, a “mess up” is only one if we define it as such. Rather, the same incident could simple be an experience through which we learn to do things a different way the next time.

3. There will be times that my expectations are not met.

But, does that really matter in the big picture? Ask yourself that before you go into a frenzy because of one small hiccup.

Perhaps the traffic jam and the detour you had to take today, led you to discover a new bakery shop, even if you had to arrive hope a bit later than expected.

4. Even if I mess up a little, it will all end up just fine.

In fact, it could end up better! So allow for messes, and let it take you on its course.

There is no need to sweat the small stuff; it just makes the process more interesting. If we get annoyed, step away, take a deep breath and come back to it later.

Noch Noch worked in banking as an international executive for the last 7 years and had to quit her job last year due to major depression and severe migraines, and now reflecting on different recovery methods and how to be true to herself at “Be Me. Be Natural.” .

Photo by noch: “A Calm Mind” – written in Bamboo Slab Style of the Tang Dynasty

How do you balance your life? Where do you start?

The most difficult step of any task or project is the first one. You look at the big picture and maybe you even know what you want to get in the end but you have no idea where to start.

It is especially true for life balance. I’ve been there. If you are feeling exhausted after work, you can’t stick to a healthy lifestyle and you constantly feel guilty because you don’t spend enough time with your loved ones, what is the first step towards that balance? All changes seem overwhelming and you just can’t take on anything else because you simply don’t have time or energy for it.

When I first started simplifying and balancing my life I wished I had a little step-by-step guide to life balance. Today (about 5 years later) I feel that my life is in balance and I have decided to create a step-by-step life balance guide for YOU. I have put together the most useful and practical tips that you can do TODAY to get one step closer to your inner harmony and peace.

(BTW, keep reading to see how you can download my new FREE ebook and win a copy of the Reclaim Your Life in 15 Days ecourse.)

1. Listen and be aware.
   You have conversations all day long, but how often do you really hear what’s being said? Most of the time your mind is wandering – to a work project, plans for dinner, for example – or you are crafting your next response. But the key to having a productive talk as well as a balanced relationship is speaking less and listening more.

   Today when you are talking to your family members or friends see how long you can go without letting your thoughts roam. You’ll have a better idea of what this person is saying and how you can use this information to keep your relationship more balanced. Besides, by listening attentively you’ll show your loved ones that you appreciate them and will make them more eager to hear what you are saying.

2. Laugh and smile together.
   According to a recent research published by CNN people who smile a lot have lower rates of divorce. If you are married or if you are in a serious relationship then smiling and having fun together is a bullet-proof method to keep your fire burning. Researchers are not quite sure about the connection between smiling and happy marriages but having great time together and laughing a lot will help you become more positive about your relationship and life in general.

   Today watch a comedy together and try to smile at your partner and your family members more than usual. I can guarantee that you will have a more positive and balanced day.

3. Question yourself.
   How often do we find something sitting on a shelf or get ready to throw something in the trash that only 6 months ago we just had to have?

   Today before you buy anything at all in your life, ask yourself one very important question: “Where will this item or thing be one year from now?” If you are not 100% sure that you will be using the item or if the probability is high that it will be in a yard sale or in the trash a year from now then do not buy it. You will be amazed at how much money you will save by asking yourself this one simple question.

4. Make this Christmas the one to remember. Really?
   How many times have we heard that from commercials and advertisements that we see during the Christmas season? The idea is that we should all go out and spend a ton on money trying to make this particular day of the year a “one to remember”. Now ask yourself, what did you get for Christmas 3 years ago? How about 2 years or ago or even last year? Chances are that you might remember a few things from last year but beyond that is very difficult.

   Today keep Christmas gifts (as well as other gifts) simple and don’t spend a ton of money trying to please others. If someone is not happy that you didn’t take out a second mortgage on your home to give them the gift of their dream for Christmas then they are probably not the type of individual that you need to be around to begin with.

5. Try “reverse” time management.
   Every day you probably focus on accomplishing certain tasks that you planned. At the beginning of the day you look or think about everything that has to be done and your brain almost freezes in silent panic. All day long you try to catch up on everything but something constantly interrupts you, you lose your focus and at the end of the day your list of tasks looks only longer.

   Today focus on how much time you can spend working. Plan 1-2 hour work blocks when you are 100% focused and nothing can get in your way. Work as a mad man or woman during those blocks but then let yourself rest. At the end of the day focus on how many productive work blocks you have had instead of how many tasks you have marked off your to do list.

   This little change in your thoughts will help you avoid procrastination, prevent “brain freeze” and let you have some time for the unexpected things that will come up during the day.

6. Protect your “non-work” time.
   Your free time is an asset that you should protect at all costs. When we think about work we usually have certain hours that we have to spend working. We do not even think about other activities at that time.
   For some reason when it comes to free time we forget how important it is. Yes, it won’t bring you any extra income and won’t get you a promotion at work but it will make you a happy and balanced person.

   Today turn off your cell phone after work. If you work from home then it is vitally important to have a designated office area that you should not enter during your “off” hours. When talking to your family members and friends spend a little bit of time sharing your work issues and then refocus to a more pleasurable topic.
   I’ll probably sound like an elementary school teacher, but still remember “All work and no play makes Johnny a dull (and unhappy!) boy.”

7. Nurture emotionally intimate relationships.
   Keeping up with a thousand friends on Facebook won’t make you any happier (if anything, it can make you only more depressed.) Create deep relationships with a few friends, family members or your spouse to increase your happiness level. We all need a few confidants who hear us on a deeper level, allow us to share experiences and become involved in our lives.

   Today (and every day) spend some time with a close person. Talk to your partner and spend time with him/her. Call your friend or a close family member. Plan monthly events with your close friends.

8. Express your gratitude.
   Does it feel good to hear somebody thank you for something? Be the person who always thanks for the favors that you get and help. Also be the one who appreciates his/her friends instead of taking them for granted.

   Today find a way to tell your friends why you value them so much.

9. Accomplish something that has value to you.
   True happiness stems from achieving something meaningful to you. It can be anything like painting, raising kids, helping others, growing a house, writing a blog or organizing your house. It doesn’t matter how spectacular or how famous it makes you – what you do just has to be intrinsically motivated. Ignoring what matters to you sets you up for unhappiness now and regret later in life.

   Today figure out what is meaningful to you in life and devote at least 15 minutes to your meaningful activity. Make sure that you do your meaningful work every day no matter how busy or tired you are.

10. Let yourself relax.
    Being in the “always-ready” condition is very stressful. Let somebody else take care of the kids, order a take-out (not more than twice a month, though), take a day off at work (if possible) and let yourself completely relax. It’s as important to let yourself relax all the way as it is to be insanely productive.

    Today add some R&R into your day. It’s best to have one day of total rest (no errands, no tasks) but even 15-30 minutes of quietude and serenity daily are a welcome change for the better.

“Okay, I see only 10 tips, where is the other 90?” you are asking me right now.

Posting them in one article would be overwhelming (to say the least.) You can download the 100 Ways to Live a More Balanced Life Today for FREE here. (if you are subscribed to my newsletter then I have already send you the download link for this FREE ebook.)

I would love to know how you keep (or would like to keep) your life balanced. Please share your thoughts in the comments.

You can win a free copy of my ecourse Reclaim Your Life in 15 days by posting your comment below. On Dec 5th I will pick the winner with the best comment.

The winner of the free Reclaim Your Life ecourse is Jody Stage (comment #6.)
I want to thank everyone who took part in this discussion and shared their ways of staying balanced and happy. I appreciate your involvement and your voice.

Keep it balanced!

What would a life be without a dream? – A very boring existence, that’s what.

We all have dreams that help us move from one point in life to the other one.

In winter we dream about warm summer days and a well-deserved vacation.

While growing up we dream about who we want to be, how many kids we want to have, sometimes even who we want to marry.

Once we establish our families we start dreaming about seeing our kids grow up.

After long years of work we dream about retirement and the wonderful peaceful place that we will move to.

Our dreams keep us going in life, get us through tough periods and give us hope and goals to work for.

“How, in the world, can they ruin my happiness?” – you are asking me then.

I knew a guy once who had trouble finding a girlfriend. He was smart, attentive, kind and a wonderful person all over. He just had a dream of finding a girl who was way taller than he was. Of course, by setting his expectations so “high” he created a dream that was practically unrealistic to obtain. He is forty now and he still hasn’t found his dream girl.

Another girl that I knew had a dream of building an amazing career and starting a family at the same time. Obviously her dreams were conflicting all the time making her feel miserable instead of relishing the joys of motherhood or finally making that coveted step up the career ladder.

You are probably thinking, “This is nothing that I should worry about.” Please allow me to disagree.

Dreams are powerful motivators in life but they can trick you into losing your happiness. Here is how:

1. You dream without ever doing

A dream is pretty much your ideal life vision. If all you do is dream about the future but never focus on the steps that it takes to make that vision a reality then you cut out all the chances of ever reaching that dream. Recent research found out that images that your mind creates when you dream about your future are enough for your brain to consider this dream a reality and release hormones that make you feel relaxed and accomplished. While this function is excellent when you are trying to release daily stress it is absolutely useless in motivating you to bring your dream into reality.

How to make your dream come true: Try to visualize your dream with as many details as possible. Now think about all the necessary steps to materialize your dream. Create several scenarios depending on what hurdles can get in your way. Think of possible obstacles and how you can overcome them. Now you can keep dreaming but also start taking steps towards your dream.

2. You use dreams to cover up your fears or insecurities

Did you ever hear a person say “If I were younger, I would have…” “If I didn’t have the responsibilities of … I would have …” “If I didn’t have to work, I would …”
Dreams like these create a bulletproof excuse to never reach them or achieve happiness in life. Instead of focusing on what you have achieved in life and how you can use this knowledge to fulfill your dreams you focus on all the reasons why you can’t reach your ideal future.

You are covering up your fear of rejection and failure that ruin your dream forever. This is negative thinking at its best.

How to make your dream come true: take a look at your dreams and see if you are covering them up with any excuses or if you subconsciously create dreams that are impossible to reach.

Try to find out if there is some fear hiding behind that dream. The only way to address that fear is straight on.

For any excuse that keeps you from reaching your dream find 5 counter-arguments why you can bring your dream to reality. Now go back to the previous paragraph and create your practical plan for your happy future.

If after everything you do you still fail to reach your dream then at least you have cleared room for another dream. Keep reading to learn why it’s good to change your dreams.

3. You don’t let your dreams grow with you

Can you imagine if all of us stuck to the dreams that we had when we were 6-7 years old? Who did you want to be back then?

I wanted to be a teacher at school because I thought that grading papers with red ink was the best thing in the world. I used to make my dolls “write” in the notebooks and then I would find all their mistakes and with huge satisfaction give them a “D” and call their parents for a meeting. I would hate to be the student of such a mean teacher! I’m so happy that my dream changed when I grew up.

However, a lot of dreams that we get as adults also have to change when we transition in life.

If in college you dream about a huge career advancement it doesn’t mean that you have to stick to this goal when you start a family.

And you don’t have to stick to the dream of retiring in a place that you visited for your honeymoon just because you have such wonderful memories associated with it (you know, that place probably has changed in the past 40 years.)

How to make your dream come true: let your dreams grow and change with you. There is nothing wrong with moving on to the next dream if you feel that you’ve outgrown your present one. As you get wiser with age your dreams also improve, expand and become more direct.

4. You limit your dreams

For some reason a lot of people limit how big they can dream and how many dreams they can have. Of course, this is not the worst thing in the world as you can stay completely focused on your dream and actually make it your reality. However, what happens when you reach that dream? All of a sudden you start feeling very empty, lonely and lost like a blind kitten.

How to make your dream come true: There is no limit to how many or how big your dreams can be. Just make sure that whenever one dream is accomplished you have another one to keep you going.

5. You are afraid to let your dream go

Some dreams are not meant to happen. A lot of times something much greater than you could ever dream about happens in your life. It’s important to savor those moments of complete happiness and accomplishment. It’s okay to let your dream go and refocus on the present.

Other dreams just become obsolete and irrelevant over time. Let them pass away and don’t get upset about not fulfilling your dream. Move on to the next one.

How to make your dream come true: just let it go. Focus on another dream that is meant for you.

6. You choose the wrong time to fulfill your dream

Timing is everything. Most of our dreams are long-term goals that don’t have a deadline.

Ever since I got interested in Pilates I wanted to have my own Pilates studio. I thought “I need to have it running by the time I am 30. Then I can focus on starting a family and everything else.” Of course back then I had no idea that I will be blessed with twins at the age of 23 and will be living in a different country.

Today I am happy raising my girls and teaching only several hours a week. One day when the girls get older I might “renew” my dream of having a Pilates studio but right now I am not interested in running a business. I am completely happy where I am in life.

How to make your dream come true: If you feel that no matter what you do you run in yet another dead end then you might need to take a different road right now. Your dream might have to wait for the opportune moment. What is going on in your life right now that is important and meaningful? Maybe you are living a dream that you couldn’t even imagine. You just haven’t realized how blessed you are to be at this point in life. Promise yourself to get back to your dream in a year or two. If it’s meant to be then your persistence will pay off.

Dreams are powerful. Life loses all its colors when we stop dreaming but it’s so important to keep your dreams in balance with who you are right now.

Today I dream about moving to a Caribbean island.

I dream about making Balance In Me the ultimate life balance portal that will help people from different roads of life to find their balance.

I dream about running virtual Pilates workshops and retreats.

I dream about seeing my girls grow up and choose their path in life.

And every day I make a step towards making these dreams come true while enjoying the blessings that I already have in life.

What are your dreams? How do you make them come true?

Keep it balanced!

Photo credit: Gabriela Camerotti

Last week a client and I were discussing her decision to resign from her job and take some time to rest before deciding on her next career move. When I asked how she felt about the decision, she was very positive, commenting ‘to rest is delightful’.

It was a description I had never used myself in relation to resting.

Sure I thought of rest as refreshing, restorative and necessary. But delightful? This was not something that had ever occurred to me.

My life had not led me to come to see rest as a thing of beauty or delight.

Why? Quite simply, I had never valued it as much as I valued activity. Certainly I viewed it as important, but as a reward for performance; as something which came after, not prior to activity.

In my world and the world of most people I have been surrounded by, the approach to rest has been this; first come the activities of the day – washing, cooking, exercising, socializing, taking meetings, writing, making phone calls, and/or spending time with friends and family.  Then, and only then, is it time to rest. By the time this occurs, rest is certainly a welcome relief, but not necessarily something to be valued in and of itself.

Looking back, I realize that I didn’t respect rest. Even my holidays were spent traveling, jumping on and off planes, arriving in new cities, and immersing myself in new languages and cultures.

Thankfully I found my way to yoga almost 20 years ago, because for many years, those 5-10 minutes of savasana (deep relaxation) at the end of each class were the only truly restorative moments in my week.

Contracting chronic fatigue in my early thirties was therefore a great gift. Certainly I didn’t view it as such at the time – so busy was I trying to keep doing what I perceived ‘needed to be done’. I struggled against it for a long time but in the end, it was the only teacher that I could really hear when it came to understanding the value of stopping.

Completely.

Chronic fatigue is utterly debilitating. Hours, days and weeks pass as you stare at your bedroom walls, too tired to read, too tired to watch television, too tired to talk or walk and feeling just as exhausted after hours and hours of sleep as you did before you slept.

For me, it was the result of many, many years of putting rest at the bottom of my priority list.

Once I stopped fighting against it though, chronic fatigue became an incredible teacher.

It was the beginning of understanding what it might be like to live in a world where:

• not every moment was filled with activity,
• I didn’t need to get to the end of each day and feel that I had ‘achieved’ something,
• I wasn’t being woken at 3am to the bell of my overactive mind.

It was the beginning of really coming to value myself and my life, not for my achievements and experiences but rather for the simple act of being.

And still….

It took me to the conversation with my client last week to realize that I had become like the soldier who is happy to have a break from warfare but who doesn’t necessarily come to see the true humanity of those he labels ‘enemy’.

Any war I’d been waging with rest had come to an end, but I certainly wasn’t embracing it as a dear friend – as a delight.

And so my investigation into valuing rest continues.

As it does, I take comfort in the words of English philosopher Thomas Hobbes who said; “Leisure is the mother of philosophy“.

It takes a moment to really feel the importance of this quote.

Hobbes is not just saying that leisure is important to philosophy. He’s not saying it’s a nice thing to engage in, after you’ve spent a day deep in philosophical thought.

He’s saying that without leisure, there is no philosophy.

In that sense, Hobbes is saying that leisure – having time for rest and relaxation, not being occupied, and not hurrying – is the number 1, most essential element to every great philosophical work ever written.

In this Hobbes is not talking about the sort of activity which people view as rest – zoning out whilst sitting in front of the television, or scrolling through social media on their phone or computer. This is not rest. It’s rare to feel refreshed when you’re done or to be inspired to great thought. In truth, this is often a form of marking time until you deem it an appropriate time for sleep.

What Hobbes is speaking about is being willing to be still or idle.  To be empty of thought, of goals, of ambition, of perpetual motion or entertainment.

Simply being.

In such a short and simple statement, Hobbes turns my former priority list – socializing with family and friends, work, exercise, household chores, then rest – completely on its head. He says; rest and leisure first. Then see what comes from that.

Imagine for a minute a world in which this was the predominant way of living.

• The very idea of annual leave would become strange to us, so entwined would rest and leisure be in our day to day existence. Carving out time for these things would be viewed as not only unnecessary, but downright odd.
• People who took no time for rest and leisure would be viewed as unlikely to generate anything of great significance – having skipped such an essential element in the creative thought process.
• The incidence of certain illnesses would rapidly decrease as people gave their bodies the requisite time to heal as they’re naturally designed to do.
• Relationships would take a turn for the better as people had more energy and vitality to actually be present with their beloveds and engage with them, rather than being too exhausted to really see or hear them.

And quite possibly there would be a flourishing of creative and philosophical thought.  For in a nutshell, I hear Hobbes saying this; genius and inspiration slip into the spaces between moments of activity and leisure, rest and relaxation grow these spaces exponentially.

Perhaps you’ll take a moment to examine your own assumptions about work, rest and leisure. Are you like me who assumed for so long that these things were things that were to be regarded as rewards once you had achieved your goals for the day, week or quarter? Or do you view these things as an essential part of your working week – indeed, as pivotal to your health, wealth, happiness and every great achievement you’re ever likely to attain?

Samantha Nolan-Smith works with women who are interested in creating changes in their lives, focusing on generating change from the inside, out.  Her weekly blog investigates this different path to creating change.  When she’s not exploring the delights of resting, you can find her here on facebook and twitter.

Photo credit: Erlin1

Why stay alive? Many of us ask ourselves this question when we are saddened, upset, discouraged, and when we are in severe depression. Negative thoughts ruminates in our head that there is no meaning to the life we are living, and so be it.

I completely empathize if you are on edge right now and want to give up – I’ve been there before, and still go to that juncture every so often these days. But give me a chance and hear my experience on how you can lift yourself out of this devilish state.

1. Accept your depression

I was in denial for some months since my GP first suggested I might be mildly depressed due to stress, and should see a psychologist. I thought it was a “phase” and that eating ice cream suffice to bring me out of my zone. I had no idea what depression was about, and thought it was something that only affects others and that I was not as “weak”.

So I delayed proper treatment unnecessarily and spiraled even further down. I slept 20 hours a day for more than a month, I stopped eating and lost 15 kg, I didn’t see anyone except my boyfriend with whom I lived, and I couldn’t go to work.

Once you accept you are depressed, then you can start looking for a solution.

2. Feel how you are feeling

Is “hell” even enough a word to describe how being depressed feels? I doubt anyone can describe it aptly unless you have been there – those endless nights of crying for no reasons, wanting to disappear and become invisible, inability to talk to anyone or maintain any kind of social contact… the list goes on.

I felt angry, revengeful, bitter, anguish, despair, devastated, hopeless, helpless, sad, frustrated, disappointed. But I allowed myself to cry and to hide under the blankets and feel the full extent of my emotions.

For once in my life, I stopped suppressing my feelings – only then can we start to confront them.

3. Think about how you are feeling

Allowing yourself to feel the emotions is not sufficient however, but spend the time to understand why you feel such a way. The thoughts behind the feelings were what I had to tackle and address. Was it my upbringing, or work that made me feel rejected and dismissed?

Delve deep into your thoughts to understand why you feel the way you feel.

As soon as I could identify my feelings and the thoughts behind, I slowly started to see what aspects of my life needed change for me to be happy again.

4. Regain control

Yet, how do we be happy again? What can we actually do after sitting there inactive and unmotivated for a prolonged period of time? Part of why depression is such a ghastly illness, is because we feel as if we have lost complete control of everything possible. The worst is that we seem to have lost control over ourselves, and unable to make ourselves “feel better”.

To regain control, I suggest you write a list of things you’d like to change or make happen, and then be patient – pick ONLY one little thing to change. Give yourself no time pressure and no deadline. Do what you can and how much your energy allows.

I wanted to become healthy physically again and started to force myself to go running again. I used to be so sporty so I hated my own pale, unhealthy reflection and body. I told myself, once a week I would go run on the treadmill for 15 minutes. At the beginning, I managed about once every 3 weeks, and maybe 5 minutes before I felt faint and had to stop. But slowly over the course of about 6 months, I improved, and as I improved I felt like I had some control back over myself.

Little by little change your habits, but don’t beat yourself up over it.

5. Create

Allow your depression to take you to a level of creativity you had never imagined possible. Do it even if the world thinks you are mad.

I found my solace in “Bearapy” . I had a GUND Snuffles bear which I started taking out with me for a walk. Yes of course everyone stared at me, a 30 year old walking around with a stuffed toy! But I ignored all of them. Slowly I became interested in this brand of bears and started purchasing more, one at a time. I gave them names, I took photos of them, I created stories for them in my head. And it made me giggle. Silly perhaps, but it lifted my spirits.

With spirits lifted, I felt again, more control over myself, and then a sense of accomplishment, and the positive recovery cycle starts to pick up.

6. Explore your Spirituality

Use this chance of a helpless and hopeless state to revisit your spirituality and religion. Whether you have strong beliefs already or not, keep an open mind and explore other ways. Different religions or spirituality, however it is termed, need not be mutually exclusive.

I grew up a Christian, went to Sunday school and played piano for the church choir. I adopted all these principles and values but during my worst depression I started to question them. Eventually I started reading Buddhist teachings, Taoism philosophies and other new age theories. I can’t say I subscribe to any one exclusively, but I take what speaks to me from different thoughts, and why not?

There is no rule that you must strictly follow one and only one thought that prevails, create your own spirituality.

One particular teaching that inspired me is the Buddhist thought that while pain and hurt is inevitable, suffering is by choice. We define our own sorrow, and attribute it because we think we should feel saddened by a certain event. Stereotypes have taught us to classify different things as negative or positive. Indeed, depression was not enjoyable, and it hurt, and I felt sad all the time, but can choose to not suffer, and not lament. Rather I could accept it as simply a life experience and move on.

7. Stay away from doubt and discouragement

Some friends asked me “Why do you need to be depressed?”, “Snap out of it!” – if I have not de-friended these people by now I certainly have kept my distance.

When your mind is weak, the last thing you need is someone pushing you down further.

I felt so guilty as if I was committing a heinous crime being depressed. These people who questioned my depression only succeeded in making me feel worse about myself. Eventually I learned that I had to stop listening to these people because they were not constructive for me at that point in time. I had to protect my already fragile mind. So I blocked all contact with them for almost a year. I had to take care of myself first instead of answering to anyone else.

8. Be grateful for your depression

I never thought I’d say this, but “Thank you depression”. Depression forced me to slow down, to re think my life and decide to quit my corporate job. I have no idea what I will do after, but that does not matter. Right now, I’m just taking care of my health in mind and body.

There must be some new window depression has opened for you. Be grateful for it.

9. Know you are not alone

At this very moment, there are another 120 million people in this world suffering from depression.

Enough said.

10. Go through number 1-9 again

All the above is a habit that needs to be formed so keep repeating the steps over and over again until you feel your spirits lift.

It WILL take time, but it WILL happen.

These techniques are not substitute for appropriate medication and psychological therapy, and best if practiced in conjunction with other methods medical practitioners suggest, such as proper exercise and diet.

Noch Noch worked in banking as an international executive for the last 7 years and had to quit her job last year due to major depression and severe migraines, and now reflecting on different recovery methods and how to be true to herself at “Be Me. Be Natural.” .

Photo credit: NuageDeNuit

We strive for clarity and balance in our lives. We seek simplicity at home and at the office. We study seminars and read instructional books. This is a great path. We must however be aware that the beginning of any change and any new direction starts within. More accurately it starts with a thought. No matter what that new journey will be, no matter how far it will take us, that first step will quietly occur within the realms of our own mind.

Modern Age Distractions

Sadly, modern life overloads our senses with a barrage of sensations; information, sights, sounds and an array of choices. Just as an example, let’s take a look at how many different types of information devices most of us are exposed to. We have our computers at home and at the office, the TVs, the game consoles, the cellphones in our pockets and for some of us even the land line… Each device performs multiple functions that inform, entertain, update and connect. How much information do we really require?

Mental Noise

To a great extend, much of this can be classified as mental noise. We are forced to deal with it, blocking it out when we can, doing our best to filter out small pieces that are actually useful to us. We as humans were simply not designed to deal with this much information all at once. This noise keeps us at a disadvantage. It prevents us from focusing on our goals, focusing on what truly matters. It keeps us disconnected from the big picture and from each other.

Without the much needed mental clarity, no matter how many courses we may take, we are not prepared to recognize that which truly makes the difference in our lives, what brings us the lasting happiness that we seek. So how do we manage to protect ourselves from the plethora of the mental noise of our modern society?

Simple Breathing Meditation Technique

Having personally struggled to achieve clarity in myself, I turned to the Eastern practice of meditation. Here is a step by step guide to a simple breathing meditation technique that I personally use.

1. Find a quiet dark area where you will not be disturbed for a duration of your session. Assume a comfortable position sitting down, without leaning back. This is done so you don’t fall asleep!
2. With your eyes closed, take a couple of deep breaths to help you relax. Now, breath normally. Gently bring your attention to the air moving in and out of your nose. Feel the cool air entering your nostrils, rising up through the nose passages on inhale. Don’t hold your breath. Feel the warmer air moving through and out of your nose at exhale. You can keep your eyes focused at the point between your eyebrows if you like.
3. Continue with your attention on the breath. Never force your breathing but allow it to naturally flow in and out of your nose. Thoughts will come up in your mind. One by one acknowledge them and gently return your mind to the breath. Watch your breath, never forcing it, simply observing. The thoughts will come and go, but the breath will continue, calmly and peacefully. It may be helpful to mentally repeat “in” while breathing in and “out” when breathing out.
4. You may find that after a while, your breath will become more shallow. This is normal and you should just go along with it. Don’t force your breath. The key is simply to observe the air, become the air itself if you will. Let go of everything else, allow yourself to deeply merge with it. If your time is limited, you may want to set a gentle alarm in advance letting you know when the time is up. Slowly get out of the state of meditation but try to retain the calmness that you are experiencing. Bring this feeling of calmness with you when you’re done.

This simple practice will train your mind to focus on just one thing – in this case, your breathing. The effectiveness of this method comes from having a permanent point of attention. You may practice it as long as you’d like. I would recommend starting for just 5 to 10 minutes per day and growing your practice from there. Eventually, this meditation practice may be performed sitting at your office during a break, on the bus, whenever you have some down time or need to focus yourself.

The benefits of decluttering your mind are felt almost immediately. You will become more focused and prone to less distraction in general. All of your ideas will evolve more naturally. Your decisions will become more intuitive. Any task that you approach will be more manageable and easier to achieve. You will be ready to handle the new journeys or to improve your current ones. The answers will naturally come to you, just listen. This practice may also make you feel more peaceful and attuned to everything and everyone around you. You will realize that we all have the same desire for love, peace and appreciation that connects us all.

Vlad Rapoport shows people how to shed the non essential in order to discover their true purpose. Being a meditation instructor, he encourages them to embark on a journey of self discovery to determine what’s most important in their lives. Vlad writes on these subjects at Simpler Life Today.

Photo credit: Vito

As we say in Chinese, icebergs do not stand at 30ft in only one day’s cold. Everything accumulates, slowly, stealthily, silently and surreptitiously, especially when it comes to our health – and ending up in ill health. What good would our prioritization skills be if we were laying in the hospital on an IV drip? And how would we realize our passions if we were drugged by endless pills and medication?

One crucial element in finding our balance in life is to first listen to our body.

Two years ago, I started to suffer from severe migraines, not a little headache that would go away with some sleep, but jackhammer pounding migraines. I was completely debilitated, I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t watch TV, and I couldn’t focus during meetings at work. So many times I’ve had to force myself to ignore the pain whilst discussing a contract with a client, and yet to excuse myself suddenly so I could run off to the bathroom and throw up.

Panadol and paracetamol (Tylenol) stopped working on me, and the doctor kept prescribing stronger painkillers. I had X-rays and MRI scans done but all seemed normal, and yet the migraines kept coming. I would get dizzy spells and feel nauseous; locking myself up in a dark, eerie quiet room didn’t do much to help. The only relief I found was banging my head on the floor so that the pain of impact could crowd out the throbbing of the migraines.

Eventually, the doctor forced me to take medical leave from work for my own sanity. They said my migraines were caused by stress.

As I sat at home every day, with no energy to even pick up my glass of water from the coffee table, I tried to work out when, and how this all started, for it seemed so sudden since I’ve never had a migraine before that fateful day.

Yet, was it really so sudden? In fact, there had been so many forewarnings in even just the previous year, which I systematically ignored. Career was my first priority then and I was on the way up the corporate ladder, so I chose – perhaps unconsciously – to shove away the symptoms that my body had reached boiling point and that it could not handle another late night.

In the course of pursuing our goals, many of us tend to get distracted from taking care of ourselves.

These were simple tell tale signs, and yet so easy to overlook and dismiss.

I used to get stomach aches everyday in the afternoon for a few months continuously, just a slight cramp but enough to make me wince in pain. What did I do? I went on filling in the excel spreadsheets – we had a deadline of 12pm, after all. The economy was crumbling down. I was responsible and I needed to do my job, and do it well.

At one point, I averaged a cold or minor viral flu every 3-4 weeks, my GP probably didn’t even need to see me to know what to prescribe each time I slouched in, tired and exhausted, but just eager to grab my medicine from the counter and go back to the office.

Unbeknownst to me, these were all warning signals from my body that I was stressed, and I needed rest – not the spa trips or gym work outs that I believed were part of coping with stress, but a complete step back from what I was doing for I had too much on my plate.

Even as my assistant once whispered in my ear, ” maybe you should put some make up on before seeing the client, you look very tired and pale…” I still stubbornly insisted I was invincible. It paid off – I got good performance ratings at the end of the year – but that was about it. The little “1” on my scorecard was not very helpful when I was rushed to ER from fainting yet again due to dehydration from vomiting too much as a result of the excruciating migraines.

My immune system was breaking down as a result of stress, and eventually I collapsed, physically and mentally.

We are all trying to find some sort of balance that works for us in our life, in our time and space. But sometimes we can get so caught up in achieving the goal of “balance”, that we actually forget to take care of our most basic self – the body and its health.

So before you get to my juncture, take a few minutes for introspection. Is your body trying to tell you something?

Here are a few steps I suggest you take:

1. Review your physical health for the past year

In a notebook (or OK, on an excel spreadsheet if you must), record all the times you were ill, even a little sneeze, or pain in your thumb (oh blackberry addicts!), and try to document the time, the severity, the duration, and what you did about it. Leave it for a day or two and come back to it and try to write more down as your memory is jolted.

It will surprise you how much you actually remember if you put your conscious thought into it, and perhaps it would surprise you also, that you had more days of back pains than you remember.

2. Review your physical condition everyday

In the same notebook but in a new section, start reviewing your physical condition everyday. You can start reviewing weekly then gradually more frequently.

Create a system for yourself to record your energy level and also your moods:

• Were you tired that day, more than usual? Why?
• Were you generally happy? Sad? Frustrated? Why?

Also take note if you recognize pain in any part of your body, and document fatigue or trouble areas – the neck, the spine, lower waist, feet etc? Do you get headaches around the same time every day?

After two weeks, see if you start noticing trends. Compare it with your record from the previous year. Has anything changed? Do you notice patterns?

3. Stop if you need to

Once you notice physical patterns, ask yourself, what do you think caused them? Were there any particular activities that could lead to this kind of pain? Identify these actions and stop the behavior.

If your eyes are tired from staring at the computer screen for too many hours a day, stop reading this blog post right now and come back later.

Every little discomfort counts, and must be stopped.

4. Change habits

This is when the prioritization and time management skills you have read about on this blog come into handy. Plan your ideal situation and think about how you can eliminate this pain – are you exercising enough? Are you working too many hours? Is sleep your problem? Make plans to change undesirable behavior using the skills you’ve already learned.

Unless you identify the issues, there would not be solutions or improvements. So listen to what your body is telling you, every little pain or wince matters and is a message to which you should pay attention.

Today, I review my body condition every evening before going to bed. I have a log of when my migraines occur and when I feel more bubbly and energetic. My log also consists of how my body reacted after I started practicing meditation through Chinese calligraphy and taichi martial arts.

Baby step improvements and adjustments, and every week I take a look at my own physical condition to see what needs to be tweaked.

Everyone has to find the optimum way and balance for themselves. I urge you to listen to your body in the process.

Are there warning signals you have been snoozing too?

Noch Noch worked in banking as an international executive for the last 7 years and had to quit her job last year due to major depression and severe migraines, and now reflecting on different recovery methods and how to be true to herself at “Be Me. Be Natural.” .

Photo credit: Only Sequel