I’ve been seeing a chiropractor for several weeks to ease acute lower back and neck pain aggravated by years of “managing” a deteriorating spinal condition.

“Managing” is my way of saying I’ve been coping with the pain on my own, thank you very much. Over the years, I’ve tried medications, bone-cracking chiropractic, physical therapy, injections and the list goes on, all with varying degrees of success. I’ve never considered a long-term, slow-action plan because, well, I’m an instant fix, fast-action kind of gal.

Until now.

In my opinion, my chiropractor is a holistic doctor; she doesn’t just adjust me, she listens – and even asks questions of my body – and works on me according to the answers she receives. She’s also an intuitive healer. She can often simply lay her hands on me and know if my internal body parts are misfiring – once she said my spleen was inflamed and then worked to relieve it!

I love what my doc is doing for me – even if it is at least a six-month, intensive project.

Emotional Realignment

Too bad she can’t adjust the emotional side of me and correct my mental misalignments while she works on correcting my spine.

I wish she could wave a magic wand over me and suddenly, poof!, my body and emotions would transform into a beautiful homeostatic tower of balance.

Or maybe she could at least hook me up with someone who could work in tandem with her efforts.

Does such a person even exist?

Oh yes . . . that person is ME!

Huh?

That’s right. If you take the first two letters of the word Emotion and reverse them, what do you have? Me! Not only am I exhibiting emotions all the time, but I have primary responsibility for taking care of them.

OMG, you’re probably saying to yourself, my back hurts, I’m late for work, I have no transportation because my car was destroyed in the last hail storm, and now you’re telling me I have to fix my emotions too?

Good News/Bad News

The bad news is, yes, that is what I’m telling you. But the good news is, once you practice dealing with your emotions, you’ll stop being a victim to all that outside stuff happening “to” you and realize that the stuff is simply happening.

Here’s my six-step process for bringing your emotions into balance.

1. Own the emotion. Stop blaming others. How you feel about situations, people or circumstances is no one’s fault.
2. Accept that the emotion is a feeling and that feelings are not facts. You’ve heard the term “emotional roller coaster?” When we’re not in charge of our feelings, they have a way of building speed and momentum until they reach a pinnacle and then plunge scarily downward.
3. Understand that emotions can be changed. I am the only person responsible for changing my emotions and feelings. Staying in victimhood is not only unhealthy, it is also unbearable!
4. Choose to change. Sometimes the simple act of drawing a column down a piece of paper and writing “what’s not working” on one side and “what is working” on the other is enough to help us see that we really need to do something about our emotional condition.
5. Make the change and don’t look back. Take a deep breath and make the plunge. Remember that the you prior to making the change is now a part of history!
6. Celebrate! Woo Hoo! You are an awesome and incredibly courageous person to take a stand and say that you’re sick and tired of being sick and tired!

Getting Out of Misalignment

A good chiropractor – like mine – detects, corrects and then prevents the recurrence of what practitioners call spinal subluxations. A subluxation is a misalignment – often caused by physical injury or chemical or emotional stresses – that causes a loss of movement in the spinal column.

This misalignment, or imbalance, affects everything in the body because it involves nerves and the cellular system.

Similarly, when I have a mental subluxation – often caused by physical injury or chemical or emotional stresses – I have a loss of healthy movement in my emotional column.

Emotional imbalance can also affect everything in my world.

When I had my first evaluation and consultation with my chiropractor, following x-rays and tests, she told me that now that we know what is wrong, we can work to fix the condition.

Recognizing emotional disturbances is important because once we know something is wrong, we can work to fix it.

Tools to Improve

Just as my chiropractor has tools at her disposal to work on my spinal condition, so too do I have tools to work on my emotional conditions.

Here is a sample of tools that work for me.

• Deep breathing. I’m constantly amazed at how often I hold my breath, as if that is helpful!
• Prayer and meditation. I ask for help and then listen for answers.
• Enlist a support group. More than anything, this tool is about asking others to hold me accountable.
• Reaching out to others. How often do I call someone and ask how they are doing?
• Journaling. This is my stand-by practice; often when I write something out, the answer magically appears on the page in front of me.
• Practice H.A.L.T. I evaluate whether I am too Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired and if I am, know that my chances of practicing good emotional care are severely diminished.
• Say no to drama. This is a new tool for me and a tough one! My limited experience shows me that if I stay out of the middle of drama, my emotional condition is more likely to stay fairly balanced.

Finally: MIND MY OWN BUSINESS! Need I say more?

There are many other tools that help keep our emotional column in balance; I’ve shared with you the ones that work for me. Please share others here and let us know what works for you.

The goal is to respect our emotional well-being as we honor our physical self-care. Relieving both of their respective subluxations creates a balanced synergy that makes us mighty forces.

The bottom line is this: We can have physical and emotional balance, but it will require work on our part. I promise you that the rewards are phenomenal!

Beth Wilson is the creator of B Here On Purpose, a solo-preneur company dedicated to mindful living, and writes a blog called B Here Today, about finding balance between our outer and inner worlds. Visit her at BHERETODAY.COM, where you can find her new e-book B Here On Purpose, or on Twitter (@bheretoday) and Facebook.

Photo credit: katie cowden

Three months ago I was blessed with the arrival of a beautiful, healthy baby girl.  She is my first child and the learning curve for a new parent is steep.

The world is filled with advice on how to get your baby into a routine, how to settle her, when and what to feed her, and how to wrap her properly in order to get her to sleep.

Over the years I’ve seen mothers drive themselves crazy trying to absorb and adopt the overwhelming amount of advice coming from midwives, doctors, grandparents, parenting websites, friends and other mothers.

As a new mum myself, trusting my instincts and watching and learning from my child have been the guiding principles which have served me best. 

Equally important has been my willingness to drop my stories.

What do I mean by dropping my stories?

I mean that throughout my life I’ve amassed innumerable ideas, notions and beliefs about what is right and wrong, good and bad, healthy and harmful.

Through this collation process we call ‘life’, I stumbled across an idea which I came to view to as patently true.  The idea was this; that people need approximately 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep each night in order to function well during the day.

During my pregnancy, I was encouraged by almost everyone I came across to add another ‘truth’ to this; parenthood = tiredness.

Indeed, I lost track of the number of times I was told some variation of this during the course of my pregnancy.  ‘Enjoy your sleep’ people told me with a smirk, or ‘I hope you’re getting sleep now’ they’d say.

And so a story tried to take hold in my consciousness. The story was this;

I need 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep each night in order to feel good.  As a parent I won’t get this.  I will likely feel tired every day of my child’s early life.  No matter what it takes, I must get my child to sleep through the night as soon as possible. 

I don’t think I was the only person to have this story thrust upon them.  Indeed, I have seen women deny their own mothering instincts as they construct their lives around it.

The only thing which kept me from the same fate was this; a few years ago I was given the opportunity to test the truthfulness of society’s views on sleep.

You see, I have always loved my sleep.  I’ve not always slept well, but there has been an almost devotional quality to my love for sleeping.  And so, for many years I told myself I needed at least 8 hours ‘to really feel good’.

Then l worked for a large seminar company, travelling regularly throughout Europe and North America.

In that job it was common to work 16-18 hour days for a week or so, fly home (often through numerous time zones), have a day and a half of rest and repeat the cycle over again.

In the first few months I struggled with such a regime.  I resisted the ‘demanding schedule’ as I conceived it, and I resented the people that required this of me.  My resistance didn’t take the form of out and out confrontation though, it was more of an inner resistance, a feeling of disquiet and unhappiness, and it expressed itself in side comments and causal remarks about tiredness and ‘having no time to rest properly’.

As a new mother, the schedule is even more relentless.  It’s 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  In such circumstances it’s incredibly easy to fall into a resistance pattern.  Your baby wakes every few hours (if you’re lucky) and even as you love your baby more than anything you’ve ever loved in your life, it’s easy to feel some level of resentment about the lack of sleep.  Sometimes the resentment is directed towards your husband who ‘never gets up in the night to help’, or it turns into a story of victimhood and tiredness is worn as a badge of honour.

The victim story plays itself out in conversation as the mother casually mentions her 4am wake up or her lack of sleep, often with a sense of quiet desperation, hoping that somehow by mentioning the problem she will be alleviated of its pain.

During my time at the seminar company, I looked for help.  I complained.  Quietly but persistently.  I attempted to change the schedule to provide more opportunities for everyone to rest.  I did little more than sleep and wash clothes on my days off so that I would be sufficiently revived for the next seminar.

After some time however, I realised that all of my techniques were having limited impact.  I knew something radical was needed and so I adopted an approach which, up to that point I had disregarded as unlikely to change anything.

I stopped telling myself I needed 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep a night in order to function. 

I decided that I had had enough and I was willing to drop the idea which I had come to call ‘true’ and to which I had been faithful for so long.

I changed the movie that was playing in my head.  A movie which had as its underscore, a phrase almost metronomic in its repetition; ‘not enough, not enough, not enough’.

As I did, two thoughts arose, both of which seem obvious but which were almost revolutionary when I really came to embrace them;

1. that I may never have needed as much sleep as I had previously thought, and
2. that if I felt tired in the middle of the day, I could allow myself the time to sleep (thereby dropping another story I had previously held; the ‘I’m too busy to sleep’ story).

Two things immediately followed this simple act of dropping my story;

1. when I woke in the morning I didn’t assume tiredness, based on the amount of hours I had slept (something I hadn’t even realised I was doing until I stopped).  I just went about the business of getting dressed and I stopped adding additional layers – energetic layers of consciousness, stories from the past, which weigh more heavily on one’s being than the thickest of winter coats.
2. if I found that my body was flagging during the day, I slept. Sometimes it was just for 10 minutes but as I no longer had a story about how much sleep would make me feel better, I found that it had the necessary restorative effect.

From that moment forward, my experience as an employee of the seminar company completely changed.  I no longer resisted and I no longer resented.  I simply was.

Certainly there were still times of tiredness in the body.  But I didn’t build this into something more than it was.  It was tiredness without a story and that is a radically lighter experience than tiredness which is attached to a story of ‘poor me’.

My experience at the seminar company has helped me immeasurably as a new mother.

As my daughter wakes in the night, I’m alert to my potential for creating stories about how tired I am or how awful it is not to have 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep.

I watch for such creations and if such a story arises, I drop it and return to the business of feeding my child, changing her nappy and helping her back to sleep.

Adopting such an approach ensures that irrespective of how my child sleeps, I don’t carry additional burdens.

*****

You may have realised by now that this is not a piece about getting your child to sleep 12 hours a night.

This is not a piece about how to manipulate or cajole or control your child’s behaviour.  This is a piece about you.

Because if you are a mum or dad who is having problems with getting ‘enough sleep’ (whatever you deem that to be), you might be like me; desperate enough to try something which you may have previously discounted.  You might be willing to reflect on your thoughts.

If you do, you might discover your own collection of stories about the importance of sleep to brain development, physical restoration, holding an intelligent conversation, having a sex life, and performing well at work.  The list goes on and the more value we attach to sleeping well, the more we resent the absence of it.

Buddhism teaches that all suffering is born from attachment.  I was deeply attached to sleep for most of my life.  I had formed many stories about what constituted ‘quality sleep’ and why it was so important.

I still love sleeping, but I’ve dropped all of those dearly held beliefs.  I dropped them because they stopped serving me and were starting to cause problems in my life.  When I dropped them I found that the sleep I was getting, was enough.  In the end that was all that was needed; a new underscore of ‘enough’, ‘enough’, ‘enough’.

As human beings the challenge is always to see beyond the paradigm in which we live.  Whether that be in relation to sleep, work, parenting or politics.  A place to start is to drop the story.  Drop the story and open to what might reveal itself.  Something radically different may present itself or things may look roughly as they did before.  Either way, you’re free of the boundaries set by the old paradigm.  You’re free of your attachment and new possibilities are able to reveal themselves in ways previously unavailable.  (In the same way we came to realise that the world wasn’t flat, so too may we come to see the necessity for 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep for what it is; an oft repeated story which we’ve collectively agreed to label as ‘truth’.)

I’m not saying you don’t need sleep.  I’m quite happy believing in the necessity for sleep (and still I remain open to dropping this story if it becomes problematic in my life).  What I am suggesting is that you consider the limitations you’ve put around what it should look and feel like in order to satisfy you.  As a new mother, these limitations are tested and the time is ripe to question them.

When I dropped those limitations, my experience changed.  Perhaps yours will too.  After all, it has been observed since at least the time of the Roman Empire that

Happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts
~Marcus Aurelius, 121-180 AD.

Samantha Nolan-Smith is a writer, yogini, spiritual mentor and founder of Dakini Grace; a business focused on supporting people to change from the inside, out. You can find her on facebook, twitter or follow her blog here.

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Photo credit: basvasilich

Do you remember yourself as a child? What was your favorite thing to do in spring and summer?

I loved playing outside and especially playing with dirt: making “yummy” mud pies, fixing weed soups and going on a fearless adventure through the jungle (which were just a couple of bushes in my Grandma’s yard.)

Today I look at my girls (who just turned 4) and see how they enjoy playing outside and doing the same things that I did as a kid. These are timeless joys that require no money or expensive vacations.

As adults we often forget about simple life joys that bring the most balance into our lives. A brand new car or a new dress won’t make you feel more balanced. But creating something, enjoying time with the family and spending time outside marveling at the beauty of creation will.

This year I want to challenge you to try gardening as your special life balance exercise. If you are already an avid gardener – please stick around and share your tips with the rest of us. If you always thought that gardening was not your thing (I am the first one to raise my hand here) then let’s try it together. I focus on vegetable gardens since they offer more benefits of all sorts but feel free to grow flowers if you like them better.

10 Benefits of Gardening for your Life Balance

1. Exercise. Gardening is considered a moderate form of exercise. I personally can call it a quite strenuous one especially when you are dragging big bags of potting soil across your garden or moving planters around because they just don’t look pretty enough in a particular location (I doubt that you can call this form exercise boring.)

   Frankly speaking, it really doesn’t matter how you choose to garden. The very fact that you get up, squat down, bend down, pick up heavy objects and walk around is already so much better than sitting on a couch or behind a computer.

2. Vitamin D boost. Most people today suffer from vitamin D deficiency. This vitamin is essential for cancer protection, bone health, strong immunity and more. Our skin produces vitamin D when it is exposed to the sun (just 10 minutes a day is enough to “stock up” on this vitamin.) While scientists are still debating the safe amounts and types of vitamin D in supplements, we can all enjoy a little bit of time in the sun without spending any money or worrying about an overdose.
3. Mindful practice. Gardening is one of the best mindfulness practices. Every day you go out to look at your garden you see a new leaf or a new flower. Something is different, something wonderful is happening and you are helping it happen.
4. Stress relief therapy. Gardening is a very repetitive occupation. You need to stay disciplined and remember to water your plants, prune them or trim them, replant them, weed them etc. This simple flow of tasks takes your mind off your daily problems and helps you relief your stress.

   When you get home from work in the evening you might not be very keen on spending another 30 minutes outside, I understand that. But once you force yourself to go out and devote yourself to this simple practice you will feel rejuvenated and relaxed.

5. Family time. If you have little kids then gardening can be the best way to spend your family time. Your kids get to play outside but at the same time you teach them discipline and care. You might lose a few plants in the process, but who cares if you get to spend some great time with your family!
6. Creativity booster. Any activity that gets you out of the rut will boost your everyday creativity. You see nature’s beauty as it transforms daily and goes through the life cycle. This natural flow of things encourages the flow of creativity in your mind.

   Another way to boost your creativity is to use what you already have in your house for your garden. Instead of buying expensive pots use old buckets or wooden boxes that can be painted. Use old umbrellas as plant supports and make cups out of newspaper to start seedlings. I have a gardening rule: before I buy anything I look around and try to recycle what I already have. It keeps the house and planet clean and green.

7. Environmental protection. When you choose to grow your own vegetable garden you also choose how you will grow it. Most likely instead of using heavy chemicals and fertilizers that destroy the Earth you will choose eco-friendly gardening practices. You will benefit yourself and our planet.

   Also if you follow my tip above (about using what you have in the house for your gardening needs) you will be recycling your own trash. This year I also went to our local trash collection center and found several planters over there. Instead of letting them rot in the landfill they will serve a purpose of growing a garden.

   You will lower your carbon footprint since your produce won’t be transported on trucks and airplanes.

8. Budget saver. If you attempt to plant even a small vegetable garden then you can save significantly on your grocery bills. Plant tomatoes in planters, some herbs, cucumbers, lettuce and you already have a simple dinner growing in your garden already. When you grow your own produce you can guarantee that it is organic (if you choose to grow it that way of course) and you don’t have to pay double price for it at the grocery store.
9. Health booster. To expend on the previous point, growing your own produce is healthy. There is no doubt that eating a fresh-from-the-garden tomato is much healthier than the one that’s been on a truck or in a warehouse for the past 2-3 weeks. Even if you choose to grow only sprouts (Alison Kerr created a free ebook that will help you get started) or herbs (that take pretty much no space and time) you will still benefit your health by adding them to salads or green juices.
10. Develop gratitude. Our life balance depends greatly on our attitude. When you start focusing on how blessed you are in life you will stop living in a world of negativity. Seeing your garden grow and bloom can’t leave you indifferent. You can see the Miracle of Life at work and you can be the one helping that miracle happen. Isn’t it something to be grateful for?

my modest garden

It is my third year of planting a garden. The first year was a complete disaster. The second one was a little better (I got some tomatoes, a good crop of cucumbers and a ton of hot peppers) before my garden got destroyed by bugs and some weird plant disease. I hope that this year will be more successful since every time I learn something new.

This year I am trying a container garden instead of the regular box. I am starting my own seeds and making a commitment to actually remember to water my garden before my plants wither down.

How about you, are you going to bring more balance into your life through gardening this year? I know that it might be frustrating at first and you might feel that you don’t have enough time for it. But even if you plant one small pot of basil on your windowsill it will be worth it, I promise.

Leave a comment below and let me know about your gardening experience. Let’s grow and learn with balance this year.

Keep it balanced!

You are awesome!

Today I want to take a moment to thank and greet every woman reading this article. (If you are a man reading this post, please keep reading to learn something important about the women in your life.)

March 8th is International Women’s Day and I would like to suggest that we all celebrate it this week.

I grew up in Ukraine and this holiday is widely observed over there.

It’s a day to celebrate all the women in the world, young and experienced, mothers and daughters, friends and sisters, aunts and nieces, friends and colleagues.

Every woman is a treasure but way too often we forget how precious they are. We get lost in daily chores and stinky diapers, in work deadlines and dirty dishes, in daily errands and occasional breakdowns.

I put together a list of 10 things that all women should remember in order to stay balanced, grounded and amazing as we are born to be.

1. You are beautiful

People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.

~ Elizabeth Kübler-Ross

Every woman deserves to shine in this world, inside and out. Don’t let anything or anyone let you doubt how beautiful you are because you are a gem like no other.

2. You are strong

The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.

~ Alice Walker

Life sometimes seems too hard and difficult to understand but no matter what obstacles are standing in your way right now you have the power to overcome them. Sometimes your strength lies in stubbornness and determination but even more often it is hidden in your ability to go around obstacles and learn from the previous mistakes. Be strong as a fire that crushes everything in its way and like water that finds a way around any obstacle with gentle determination and a peaceful flow.

3. You are THE BEST at being yourself

Often people attempt to live their lives backwards: they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want so they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse.
You must first be who you really are, then, do what you need to do in order to have what you want.

~ Margaret Young

You have unique gifts and talents that no one else in this world has. Sometimes we feel that we need to be someone else in order to fit in, be a better mother or wife, or portray an image that we believe everyone else will love. No matter how hard you try to be someone else you will never be good enough. You will do the best and be the happiest only if you stop living by someone else’s standards and start using your unique potential to shine like a light in this world.

There are two ways of spreading light : to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.
~ Edith Wharton

4. You deserve being taken care of and cherished

Remove those ‘I want you to like me’ stickers from your forehead and, instead, place them where they truly will do the most good – on your mirror!

~ Susan Jeffers

We spend a big part of our lives trying to make others like us. The truth is that no one will ever like you if you don’t start loving yourself first. Give your love to others like you do every day already but don’t forget to leave some for yourself. Spend some time reading your favorite book, exercising, giving yourself a manicure or enjoy a relaxing bubble bath. You are worth it!

5. You are rich

If you look at what you have in life,
You’ll always have more.
If you look at what you don’t have in life,
You’ll never have enough.

~ Oprah Winfrey

True wealth comes from within. Of course, money matters but so does the way you spend and treat it. If money is the only purpose of your life then you will never feel rich even if you become a millionaire. Treat money the way it was meant to – as means to existence rather than the ultimate source of happiness and joy. Right now write down 5 things that make you a rich person and keep this list where you will always see it.
I am rich because:

1. ____________________________________
2. ____________________________________
3. ____________________________________
4. ____________________________________
5. ____________________________________

6. You deserve pursuing your passion

Cut not the wings of your dreams, for they are the heartbeat and the freedom of your soul.

~ Flavia

Your passion is the integral part of you, the minute you lose it you will start losing yourself.

Did you ever feel that you hardly even remember the girl you were when you were 16? How could you be so happy and joyous all the time? What gave you that enthusiastic drive to pursue your goals and dreams?

No matter how many years passed since you were 16, that girl still lives inside of you. Even though today you have responsibilities, chores and THE schedule you still need to make room for your passion. Whether you devote 15 minutes or 15 hours to your passion, it will make you a balanced woman.

7. Your sensitivity is your biggest power

We need 4 hugs a day for survival.
We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance.
We need 12 hugs a day for growth.

~ Virginia Satir

You are delicate as a flower and you need love to survive. Don’t be afraid to show your weakness every once in a while and let your loved ones help you. Your power lies in multiplying the love and care that you receive and spreading it in the world around you.

8. You are courageous

Courage is like a muscle. We strengthen it with use.

~ Ruth Gordon

Living a full life means being bold and courageous in order to protect what you stand for and aspire for your biggest dreams. Every day we face choices and the course your life is taking depends greatly on how courageous you are when making decisions. Don’t settle for the easiest choice but rather use your courage to live a bold and full life.

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.

~ Anais Nin

9. You are perfect

A woman is the full circle.
Within her is the power to create, nurture and transform.

~ Diane Mariechild

I hope you don’t need any explanation here. You are the masterpiece of perfection as long as you let your inner light shine and know how invaluable you are.

10. You are … what you want to be

Our deepest wishes are whispers of our authentic selves.
We must learn to respect them.
We must learn to listen.

~ Sarah Ban Breathnach

What title do you want to give yourself? The nickname that I use to motivate, empower and remind myself about my values is the “Balance Queen” because balance is the cornerstone of my life.

Today ask yourself a question,
Who am I?

Right now please leave your comment and say what empowers you every day, what kind of a woman you are. Share you greetings or tell us about the beloved women in your life.

Please share this article with your friends so that more women know how valuable and important they are.

Keep it balanced!

Photo credit: Scarlett White

learn to see your waking dreams

You wake up, you eat breakfast, follow several hygiene rituals and then you start your day. You go to work or study; you take care of your kids or work on a passion project; you go from one project to the next one all day long. Are you making steps to build the life YOU desire every minute of your day?

Surprising as it may seem, each action during the day (regardless of how big or small it is) shapes your future and your life story. Every day we live according to our “Internal Blueprint”. That’s the term I’ve come to use to discuss the story we each maintain to account for our lives. Our Internal Blueprint is also a way of imagining what we would like to see our lives become.

As a psychologist, I learn all about each of my patient’s unique “Internal Blueprint.” I spend hours with patients unraveling how particular aspects of an Internal Blueprint came to guide their lives. When I’m writing, I often focus on how you can come to know your Internal Blueprint on your own.

I’ve discovered that it comes as a surprise to a lot of people that you actually can listen in on, and learn to “see,” your thoughts. These are powerful tools that psychologists have been learning to harness for a long time now. We’ve discovered that mastering these types of skills gives you a lot more influence over your experience of life.

For example, when you learn to hear and see your thoughts, you come to see that many of your thoughts repeat over and over–often on autopilot. Observing your patterns of thoughts over a period of time begins to reveal the outlines of your Internal Blueprint.

Learn to hear your Inner Dialogue

A first step to observing your thoughts is recognizing that you maintain an ongoing “inner dialogue.” Yep, we all talk to ourselves pretty much non-stop. We jump from one topic to another and back again, often without even noticing.

Regardless of whether you notice, your internal dialogue chugs along all day, every day. Then, instead of taking a break when you go to sleep, your inner conversation chugs along right through much of the night.

It’s just the way our brains operate.

Because your thoughts occur while you are awake and while you are asleep, I like to call our daytime inner dialogue our “Waking Dreams.” I like that name because it captures the idea that you can in fact come to “hear” and “see” your inner dialogue, just as you naturally can hear and see your sleeping dreams.

Once you learn a few techniques, and then practice them, most people I work with are able to hear and see their inner dialogue unfolding. When you do so for a while you’ll begin to see the outlines of your Internal Blueprint. Once you can do that it becomes a whole lot easier to shape your Internal Blueprint in ways you consciously desire.

How to use your Internal Blueprint

Think of your Internal Blueprint as being like a sketch of your life’s master plan. Each of our life plans is girded by a whole bunch of rules of living that we’ve stitched together over the course of our lives. Your rules are important because they exert real influence on the way you experience your life.

So, knowing your rules can often reveal the root of a frustration, or the reason for a particular emotion you may be feeling in any given moment. Once you can hear and see your inner dialogue, and so come to learn some of the major rules that you live by, you can often trace a current problem back to the rule that produced the problem in the first place.

By seeing your own rules, you’ll come to see that depending on the situation you are confronted with a particular rule may either increase the frustration in your inner world or soothe your inner experience. All that is just a way of describing why knowing the foundational rules of your own Internal Blueprint is extremely helpful if you want to address thought patterns, or cycles of your internal dialogue, that disturb you.

Even better, once you know how to access your Internal Blueprint you can begin to create your life with far increased precision and intention.

It takes some time and practice to master your inner world. Change doesn’t happen overnight. But particularly right now, the world needs us all to be accessing the best of ourselves. I truly believe that if we can all get a bit better at knowing ourselves, and then learn how to make the internal changes we aspire to live by, the results will be extraordinary.

Start seeing and hearing your Inner World

In support of this wish, I recorded an 11-minute exercise to give you an example of how you can learn to listen in on your own inner dialogue. It’s a great starting place for getting actual experience in hearing and seeing your inner world. Repeating this exercise each day for a couple weeks is a good way to begin to see your Waking Dreams and the outlines of your Internal Blueprint.

Regardless of the challenges you face, you can create the life of your dreams. Simply click on the audio file below and follow along…

Click here to listen to the exercise

(to save the file on your computer please right-click on the link above and choose “save link as”.)

Dr. Sean Sullivan is a San Francisco Therapist and performance psychologist who teaches how to clearly see the details of your “inner world” by creating your own Mind Map. He is the creator of The Mind Master’s Guided Journey, a 21-day online course that details step-by-step how to create a precise personal map of your “inner world” to follow to becoming an expert creating at whatever “outer life” you choose. “Once you can actually hear and see your “inner world” with clarity, you can’t help but to create and follow your own map that will lead you to the “outer life” you choose to live.” – Dr. Sean Sullivan

photo credit: zoethustra

Do you ever feel sapped of energy while trying to catch up with life as it moves at 90 miles an hour? Do you feel like no matter what you do, you’re always burdened with tasks and feeling sleep deprived? Time and energy “leaks” in your life may be the culprit.

Energy (a.k.a. your “will power”) and time are intimately related. When you deplete your energy, you reduce your ability to focus and thus accomplish the tasks in your life effectively. On the other hand, when you run out of time, you expend energy inefficiently as you try to rush through the things you need to do.

The energy and time “leaks” in your life consume your ability to get things done and feel fulfilled. These leaks exist in mental, physical, and emotional forms and they must be identified and “plugged” in order to become more productive. I, for example, suffered the following leaks: Feeling sluggish from sitting at my desk all day, reading and responding to mundane emails as they constantly stream in numbed my mind, and feeling bad about an argument I had with a coworker has been consuming my mind.

Leaks can be plugged by replacing thoughts and habits that suck energy and time with ones that make you more productive. Expanding upon the examples above, I plugged the leaks as follows:

1. Interrupting myself from work every 45 minutes and doing stretches, walking around the block, and listening to empowering music to psych me out of boredom
2. Limiting email-checking to only 2 times in the day so I’m not constantly bombarded with boring notes in my inbox
3. Having a heart-to-heart conversation with my colleague to resolve the issue

Another form of leakage that deserves its own category due to its particularly insidious nature is multitasking. Multitasking has often been promoted as an indication of high efficiency, but both statistics and common sense would say otherwise. True multitasking is nearly impossible. What most people do is a variation of multitasking in which one switches quickly between tasks. It is estimated that multitasking can consume about 40% of your productive time (based on a study conducted in Psychology Today).

Let’s think about this from a common sense perspective: it takes time to switch between tasks, and furthermore, the constant switching means that you will never be able to fully focus on any one task. True efficiency comes from specificity. Think about how our bodies are designed- we have several organs that each serve a specific purpose. We don’t think with our large intestines or speak with our leg muscles!

I often found myself multitasking by doing things that seemed rather innocent: reading while watching TV, typing while talking to my sister over the phone, texting someone while doing research on the web, and browsing multiple sites simultaneously with tabs in my web browser. How do YOU currently multitask? Once you’ve identified these “leaks,” stop and select the highest priority task to do now, while completing the others one by one.

Consider how the leaks in your life currently add to imbalance and lack of energy and time to do what really matters for you. Most people are unaware of how these leaks affect them and only see the results. Now that you know what can be consuming your time and energy, start plugging those leaks by replacing the counterproductive habits and thoughts with ones that serve you in a positive way.

Kristoph Matthewsis an entrepreneur and scientist, whose mission in life is to turn ideas into reality and inspire others to do the same. Find him on his blog UnSwampedLife.com: Become a Master of Your Time and Live a Life of Freedom and Purpose.

Photo credit: joshuaporter.co.ukHow to

Are you looking for life balance too?

For a second imagine that you are in a huge thick forest with birds chirping over your head, nice breeze running through your hair and warm sun rays playing on your hands and face. There is a huge oak tree in this forest and one day two acorns fell off of it.

One acorn hit the rock and ricocheted towards a nearby stream, went downstream and finally fell into fertile soil on a nice open clearing. The acorn sprouted roots and grew into a mighty oak tree even stronger than its “father.”

Another acorn fell on the ground and one day strong wind picked it up, dragged it across the forest until it reached a cliff. The acorn fell down but fortunately got stuck between two huge boulders in a little piece of dirt. It sprouted roots too and started growing slowly every day enduring harsh winds, ruthless sun and constant lack of nutrition. It grew into a crooked dwarfish tree that was weak. The bigger the tree grew the more nutrition and support it needed however there was not enough soil between those boulders to provide for its needs. The oak started withering down and losing its strength until one day a strong wind finally broke it.

If you look at both of the trees one would seem like a true masterpiece of nature: harmonious and balanced. The other one will look like a feat of survival doomed to lose its balance from the first days it started growing.

In life we can also maintain two types of balance: one balance is grounded, solid, peaceful and fulfilling. The other balance we maintain just to get by but any unfavorable circumstances can easily knock us down and send us over a cliff.

What type of balance are you living in right now?

Sometimes it’s very difficult to realize what type of balance you are living in right now but it is vital for your own sake and of the ones you love to discover if you are just maintaining a flimsy temporary equilibrium rather than solid balance.

The other night my husband and I stumbled across a TV show called Hoarders on A&E. I was shocked to see how some people can live in 3-5 feet of clutter, junk and old moldy trash distributed in an even layer across the entire house. There is no way to walk around the house, they sleep on piles of old clothes and boxes, their bathrooms looks so disgusting that it is unsanitary even to walk into them. And somehow these people think that they are living a normal life and are taken by surprise when someone reports their house to the authorities. Then of course they face eviction, loss of parenting rights and bankruptcy.

No matter how surprising this might seem these people live in their own type of reality, their own version of “balance.” Over time they get used to the look of their house, they choose not to communicate with other people (so that they don’t feel ashamed of their living conditions and lifestyle) and believe that it’s just a temporary mess in their house that they can clean up any time.

The only time when these people realize that they have a problem is when a major crisis occurs in their family. Somebody gets sick but the paramedics can’t get vitally important equipment to the patient in time. The house gets taken over by bed bugs and the entire family (including small kids) is forced to live in a tent outside because the exterminators can’t treat the house. Or they simply get a notice that the house is condemned and they will be evicted within 30 days unless they “dejunkify” their living space.

When you are living your life with the wrong type of balance a major crisis is the only thing that will show you the reality of your situation. But why take the matters so far if you can find the right type of balance right now?

Of course hoarding is not the only example of unhealthy balance. Consider the following situation:

1. Perfectionism – simple joys stop bringing pleasure into your life because you are so focused on the “perfect” that you can’t see past the not perfectly dusted furniture or having a clean car all the time. The “perfect” balance is all about going by the rules that you have created. If someone does something differently you get mad and frustrated. If you fall short of your own expectations (and it happens pretty often) then you feel depressed and upset at the entire world.

   Perfectionists often seek a “mathematical” balance. They believe that each area of their lives should be equally developed or should reach an “ideal” balance. This concept is impossible in real life and I have written several times already on why it is harmful to your well-being.

2. Work – workaholism is obviously the most common unbalanced approach to life but there are others.

   Some people complain that they are not treated right at work but at the same time they are the ones who have no ambitions and never try to be part of a team.

   Others complain that they are not satisfied with their job but when someone mentions to them to look for another job or start their own business they immediately find an excuse why it’s impossible for them (the most common one is “it’s just not for me.”)

   Unfortunately, the crisis that a lot of these “balanced” people face is losing their job. Why take the matters so far? Rethink your problems at work and find the real reason behind them.

3. Poor relationships. I’ve heard so many people say “It’s difficult for me to make friends because people don’t like me or they don’t want to be my friend.” As a result these people choose a secluded lifestyle with few to no friends and a very bitter attitude.

   If you want to make friends or be a better friend then you are the one who has to make the first step. If you move to a new neighborhood go ahead and introduce yourself to the neighbors, invite them over for a grill-out or a cup of coffee.

   My husband and I were talking once about not having enough young family activities at our church. But then it dawned on us, why do we expect someone else to organize an activity that we want? If we are really that anxious about meeting new people then we are the ones who have to make the first step by inviting them over or organizing a movie night (and since both my husband and I are introverts entertaining is not our thing, to say the least.) Once our approach was changed we met a lot of wonderful people who we are proud to call friends.

4. Dating/marriage problems. This one is a biggie. So many people choose to live in unbalanced relationships because they are afraid to be alone or they don’t have the courage to talk honestly with their partners. It’s so much easier to say “It’s my partner’s fault that our relationship is suffering so much” but do we always do 100%, 120% to preserve the love and romance? This frustration over time leads to a loss of trust, jealousy, anger and even gives room to addictions.

   Others have trouble finding the love of their life but they are not doing anything to be the person that can be loved. They hang out at bars and hope to meet the right person there. They don’t ask people that they like out on a date but rather live off the “hints”, “looks” and assumptions. They don’t take care of themselves but somehow want to date a supermodel. They can’t communicate without arguing or interrogating and then they complain that the other person doesn’t understand them.

5. Money. With the economy being so unstable these days a lot of people have reevaluated their finances. So many of us got used to living off credit that they consider it a norm. But once they lose their job, have an unexpected expense or realize that they simply can’t maintain their lifestyle any more they find themselves in a heap of trouble. A life that seemed so balanced and structured all of a sudden turns into a chase to pay off credit card bills. Life turns into a never-ending nightmare with many zeros behind it. They lose their freedom and they are forced to live in a rat race.
6. Health. Did you ever find an excuse to justify an unhealthy habit? I did, many times, unfortunately. When I smoked I thought that it was just normal because everyone else around me was doing it. When I refused to try running I was telling myself “It’s just not for me, it’s too boring.” When I tried crash diets and skipped breakfast continuously (both of which messed up my stomach) I was thinking “I’ll be fine. I’m different from everyone else, it will work for me.” (Of course it didn’t!)

   It’s easy to live a life of elusive balance and poor health but one day all the bad choices that you made in life will catch up with you. As a Pilates instructor I teach clients of different age and different fitness levels. The most amazing and inspiring part about being a Pilates instructor for me is seeing older people (in their 70s and 80s) doing Pilates faithfully week after week. A lot of them have arthritis, knee and hip replacements, fibromyalgia, osteoporosis and a hundred more conditions, and yet every morning they get up and make a decision to keep moving and doing everything they can to live healthy. If they can do it, then why can’t we?

No matter how balanced or unbalanced you feel your life is I am asking you to reevaluate your life today. Are you a strong oak tree or a stunted one that will be knocked down into the abyss with the next gust of wind?

The only way to live a truly balanced life is to keep challenging yourself and improving yourself. Take a look at what your life looks like and what you want it to look like. You are the only one responsible for your life, your achievements and failures. Your boss, partner, colleagues and family members have nothing to do with your life choices. Accept this fact today and start improving yourself to be a better parent, friend, partner, employee or business owner, neighbor, daughter or son, and person.

Benjamin Franklin at the age of 20 set his life-long goal of achieving moral perfection. He made a list of 13 virtues to live by daily. He always carried a little notebook with him that contained charts consisting of a column for each day of the week and a row corresponding to each virtue. At the end of each day he placed a dot next to each virtue that he violated. The goal was to minimize those dots thus indicating a “clean” life free of vices.

He kept this notebook until his last days however he never achieved perfection. One would think that it was a wasted attempt but here is how Benjamin Franklin put it himself:

Tho’ I never arrived at the perfection I had been so ambitious of obtaining, but fell far short of it, yet I was, by the endeavor, a better and a happier man than I otherwise should have been if I had not attempted it. ~Benjamin Franklin

A balanced life is one that you keep improving constantly no matter how easy or difficult it might be at times. If you live in balance that is not going anywhere and is not making you a better person every day then you are lost.

It is time to make 2012 the year of improvement, change, breaking out of stagnant zones and balance and I am here to help you in any way I can.

Keep it balanced!

P.S. It is time for the annual Life Balance Survey. Please click here to answer 6 simple questions that will make BalanceInMe more targeted to your needs. When you fill out the survey you will be able to download a free 10-minute Balance Workout that will improve your coordination, challenge your balance and tone your body. Thank you for being part of our balanced community!

Photo credit: FLASHFLOOD, alexbip, Rob Watling

Did you ever ask yourself a hard question? Something beyond “What am I going to have for supper?” or “How can I get a promotion at work?”

I’ve been in a situation before when a long-term relationship wasn’t working out and the only question on my mind was “Why are relationships so hard?”

Another time my plans were ruined and I felt completely helpless. My question then was “Does everything happen for a reason? Because I definitely don’t see any reason for THIS.”

And sometimes I read news headlines or simply hear a heart-breaking story that makes me wonder “Why is there suffering in the world?”

Did you ever ask yourself questions like that?

About a month ago I got an email from Lori Deschene from Tiny Buddha asking if I would like to review her book Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions. I am usually very picky about the books that I agree to review but this one was a no-brainer. I’ve been following Tiny Buddha for about 2 years now and my posts were featured there twice (click here and here to read them.) Of course I was excited about reading Lori’s book and actually finding answers to the questions mentioned above.

The book exceeded all my expectations. From the first sentences you get completely absorbed into smooth flow of Lori’s writing and it only gets better as you travel from one page to the next one. The book is interwoven with personal experiences from Lori’s life, age-old wisdom, tweets from Lori’s followers and practical tips (and you know that I am all about practical advice.) I simply loved it!

I asked Lori to answer several questions about life balance and her book. Read the interview and find out how you can win a free copy of Lori’s book.

1. In your book you share universal wisdom and your personal life experiences when answering life’s hardest questions. What was the most difficult answer for you to learn personally?

The most challenging question for me has always been how to let go of pain. The exact question in my book is, “Why is there suffering in the world?” However, that section explores all aspects of pain—why we resist it, how that can create even more pain, why we sometimes feel ashamed of it, and how accepting and learning from it can make a positive difference in the world.

I’ve had some incredibly low lows in my lifetime. For years I exacerbated my pain by clinging to negative stories and expecting the worst in everyone and everything. I let my pain define me for most of my teens and twenties, and for a while, I felt hesitant to change. That identity became comforting to me.

I don’t know why there’s suffering in the world, but I do know that a lot of good can come from pain if we’re willing to learn, grow, recycle our hurts to help other people, and in doing so, find a sense of peace and empowerment in the present moment.

That doesn’t mean every moment will feel peaceful and empowering. I still hurt at times, as we all will all through our lives. But I have a different perspective now, and as a result, I’m less frequently the cause of my pain.

2. How do you think people can use advice from your book to improve their lives?

The book explores the universal challenges that are relevant to all of us. It includes questions about letting go of pain, finding meaning in life, choosing happiness, creating positive change, maintaining healthy relationships, living life to the fullest, and accepting uncertainty.

Because I shaped Tiny Buddha around a wide range of responses to these questions (from Twitter followers who tweeted their answers) it offers a broad exploration of these topics and provides various empowering perspectives.

Tiny Buddha also includes practical, concrete action steps relevant to the different themes to help readers create meaning, happiness, fulfillment, and peace in their relationships, one moment at a time.

It’s not a book of concrete answers; it’s a book of possibilities, often supported by scientific, psychological, and sociological research. I also shared my own experiences in learning to answer these questions for myself, in hopes of helping readers do the same thing: identify and utilize the answers that make sense to them individually.

3. One of the great things about your book (in my opinion) is that you used tweets from your Twitter followers to broaden each and every answer in your book. In real life though social media can be quite distracting and can keep us from being present. How do you balance social media with your everyday meaningful life?

When I first got on Twitter, I often tweeted all through the day from my personal account, while frequently updating my Facebook page and engaging with other people on theirs. That quickly felt overwhelming, as I felt a constant need to monitor the stream and stay involved.

Over time, I’ve become far less immersed in social media. I updated the Tiny Buddha accounts 2–4 times each week day, and I tweet from my personal account every few days. I’m on my personal Facebook page a little more often, but I don’t feel tied to social media, as I once did.

One thing that helps me is that I don’t update my accounts from my phone. Though I now have Internet access on there (I held out for a while!) it’s not a smart phone, which makes it a pretty slow connection. Because it’s not as convenient, I just don’t do it, and I know that contributes to my overall well-being.

Since I work from home on my computer, I would far prefer to simply disconnect when I’m out. That’s not to say I think everyone should do this. I think we all need to identify what level of engagement and disconnection contributes to our overall well-being, and then honor what we know to be true.

4. I would love to ask you one more Hard Life Question. How do you live your life in balance?

That is a hard one! I think what makes it hard is that it’s so much easier to recognize what balance looks like than it is to honor that with consistency.

So the first part of my answer is what balance looks like for me. It’s a lot like that essay Everything I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten. I need to “learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.”

Essentially, I need to be sure I don’t get too wrapped up in any one part of my life—as if my work defines me, or my relationships defines me, or my hobbies define me—and I need to remember that self-care is a priority, not a luxury.

The second part is how I honor those things with consistency, and the answer is: I don’t always do that. There are times when I do get a little caught up in one part of my life, and then I start to feel off-balance. Where I feel I’ve made massive improvements is that I now do this far less often than I used to.

I think accepting that we’ll stumble occasionally but knowing we’re improving over time is the key to emotional balance. And ultimately, that’s what helps us get back on track when we’ve lost our way.

Thank you Lori!

Two readers of BalanceInMe can win a free hard-cover copy of the book Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions.

Just leave a comment here saying What Life’s Hard Question you are trying to answer. I will announce the winner on Tuesday, Dec 27th.

Keep it balanced!

Winners of the book Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions are comment #11 – Sara L and comment #20 – Marta. (The winners were picked using a random number generator.) Congratulations!

Thanks to everyone who shared their questions and thoughts on this post. Since now I know your questions I will try my best to find answers for them and share those answers on Balance In Me. Thank you for being part of this balanced community!

BTW, comments are now closed on this post.

How many times do we get frustrated over something that has gone wrong, even if just a little? We end up agitated and upset, and our day is ruined. We dwell in the inadequacies and beat ourselves up over them. However, these shortfalls are not worth sweating for; rather we need to take a step back, allow some distance, and look at the big picture.

Many times, things don’t seem to go go according to plan – perhaps the proposal arrived a day late at client’s doorsteps, or we weren’t able to run the full 30 minutes at the gym as we planned?

We get annoyed at ourselves. We zoom in on the small things gone wrong and become angry and disappointed – and we cannot fully focus on the next course of actions we were supposed to take.

In the end, we mess up the whole project, or give up, because of that one little hiccup. Or perhaps we have to start all over again, yet already we feel deflated. We wanted everything to be perfect and went to meticulous lengths to so ensure, and now it’s all crumbled down.

Sounds familiar?

However, have we ever thought that in the grand scheme of things these little glitches actually do not matter?

In the course of the last 18 months, as I struggled with severe migraines and major depression, I started practicing Chinese calligraphy. It’s been an interest I’ve always had, and never had the time to pursue. Now that I live in Beijing, I thought what better place to start? And now with the luxury of time, albeit not as much energy due to my illness, I decided to find myself a teacher.

After a few trial and errors, I found the Teacher with whom I practice calligraphy and taichi martial arts. One day, as I was writing during the class, he asked me to stop in mid-stroke.

He asked me how I was feeling. I was taken aback and didn’t really understand the question. But he just insisted I answer him.

So I stopped and tried to come to senses with my emotions. I realized that I was irritated.

Teacher asked me why. “Well,” I said, “that stroke is too wobbly and the next one was too fat.”

He asked me why that was the case. I thought, what a silly question, I just needed more practice!

Yet again, he wouldn’t let me pick up my brush again till I gave him an answer beyond a meager “practice makes perfect” philosophy.

After a few drills like this, I came to a revelation – I worried too much about how the whole character would turn out. In my head, I had an ideal way of how it was supposed to look, so I was trying to express it in ink.

The problem with this mentality was, like many things in my life, I was too concerned with the end goal and wasn’t enjoying, or focusing on the process and the steps that would lead me to my end destination.

I just wanted to write the character perfectly. Hence, when one stroke went haywire, I immediately got agitated that the whole character wouldn’t turn out the way I wanted it to. And so, the strokes following all ended up lopsided because I was too caught up on the stroke that “went wrong” before.

In the end, the whole character looked like squiggles I painted in kindergarten and nothing like I visualized.

So, my Teacher said, now that I’m aware of what was going through my head and my associated emotions, I need to take a different road. I just need to trust that I know what I was writing. However good or bad a particular stroke turned out does not matter. What is more important is that I could reorient and calm my mind for every individual stroke, and think only of writing that one.

One stroke at a time. One little step at a time.

Strangely, but perhaps unsurprisingly, my characters started to take proper form and shape. Yes, perhaps the vertical stroke could have been straighter, but the fact that it wasn’t perfect didn’t affect the character as a whole at all! It was legible, and artistic, and I was happy with the result.

One small wobble in the grand scheme of things, does not actually destroy the whole destination as we sometimes feel when in the midst of it.

As I strive to recover from my depression, here are a few enlightened thoughts I gleaned through my calligraphy practice to not sweat the small stuff

1. The overall goal, end destination is there to give me direction.

We already know what we want to achieve. There is no need to obsess about it. Have the big picture in your mind and trust in yourself.

2. We will mess up somehow along the way

Life is not perfect. We are not perfect. So eventually, something will go wrong or not as planned

Once we accept this truth, we can stop pressuring ourselves to perfection and cause ourselves anxiety.

Moreover, a “mess up” is only one if we define it as such. Rather, the same incident could simple be an experience through which we learn to do things a different way the next time.

3. There will be times that my expectations are not met.

But, does that really matter in the big picture? Ask yourself that before you go into a frenzy because of one small hiccup.

Perhaps the traffic jam and the detour you had to take today, led you to discover a new bakery shop, even if you had to arrive hope a bit later than expected.

4. Even if I mess up a little, it will all end up just fine.

In fact, it could end up better! So allow for messes, and let it take you on its course.

There is no need to sweat the small stuff; it just makes the process more interesting. If we get annoyed, step away, take a deep breath and come back to it later.

Noch Noch worked in banking as an international executive for the last 7 years and had to quit her job last year due to major depression and severe migraines, and now reflecting on different recovery methods and how to be true to herself at “Be Me. Be Natural.” .

Photo by noch: “A Calm Mind” – written in Bamboo Slab Style of the Tang Dynasty

How do you balance your life? Where do you start?

The most difficult step of any task or project is the first one. You look at the big picture and maybe you even know what you want to get in the end but you have no idea where to start.

It is especially true for life balance. I’ve been there. If you are feeling exhausted after work, you can’t stick to a healthy lifestyle and you constantly feel guilty because you don’t spend enough time with your loved ones, what is the first step towards that balance? All changes seem overwhelming and you just can’t take on anything else because you simply don’t have time or energy for it.

When I first started simplifying and balancing my life I wished I had a little step-by-step guide to life balance. Today (about 5 years later) I feel that my life is in balance and I have decided to create a step-by-step life balance guide for YOU. I have put together the most useful and practical tips that you can do TODAY to get one step closer to your inner harmony and peace.

(BTW, keep reading to see how you can download my new FREE ebook and win a copy of the Reclaim Your Life in 15 Days ecourse.)

1. Listen and be aware.
   You have conversations all day long, but how often do you really hear what’s being said? Most of the time your mind is wandering – to a work project, plans for dinner, for example – or you are crafting your next response. But the key to having a productive talk as well as a balanced relationship is speaking less and listening more.

   Today when you are talking to your family members or friends see how long you can go without letting your thoughts roam. You’ll have a better idea of what this person is saying and how you can use this information to keep your relationship more balanced. Besides, by listening attentively you’ll show your loved ones that you appreciate them and will make them more eager to hear what you are saying.

2. Laugh and smile together.
   According to a recent research published by CNN people who smile a lot have lower rates of divorce. If you are married or if you are in a serious relationship then smiling and having fun together is a bullet-proof method to keep your fire burning. Researchers are not quite sure about the connection between smiling and happy marriages but having great time together and laughing a lot will help you become more positive about your relationship and life in general.

   Today watch a comedy together and try to smile at your partner and your family members more than usual. I can guarantee that you will have a more positive and balanced day.

3. Question yourself.
   How often do we find something sitting on a shelf or get ready to throw something in the trash that only 6 months ago we just had to have?

   Today before you buy anything at all in your life, ask yourself one very important question: “Where will this item or thing be one year from now?” If you are not 100% sure that you will be using the item or if the probability is high that it will be in a yard sale or in the trash a year from now then do not buy it. You will be amazed at how much money you will save by asking yourself this one simple question.

4. Make this Christmas the one to remember. Really?
   How many times have we heard that from commercials and advertisements that we see during the Christmas season? The idea is that we should all go out and spend a ton on money trying to make this particular day of the year a “one to remember”. Now ask yourself, what did you get for Christmas 3 years ago? How about 2 years or ago or even last year? Chances are that you might remember a few things from last year but beyond that is very difficult.

   Today keep Christmas gifts (as well as other gifts) simple and don’t spend a ton of money trying to please others. If someone is not happy that you didn’t take out a second mortgage on your home to give them the gift of their dream for Christmas then they are probably not the type of individual that you need to be around to begin with.

5. Try “reverse” time management.
   Every day you probably focus on accomplishing certain tasks that you planned. At the beginning of the day you look or think about everything that has to be done and your brain almost freezes in silent panic. All day long you try to catch up on everything but something constantly interrupts you, you lose your focus and at the end of the day your list of tasks looks only longer.

   Today focus on how much time you can spend working. Plan 1-2 hour work blocks when you are 100% focused and nothing can get in your way. Work as a mad man or woman during those blocks but then let yourself rest. At the end of the day focus on how many productive work blocks you have had instead of how many tasks you have marked off your to do list.

   This little change in your thoughts will help you avoid procrastination, prevent “brain freeze” and let you have some time for the unexpected things that will come up during the day.

6. Protect your “non-work” time.
   Your free time is an asset that you should protect at all costs. When we think about work we usually have certain hours that we have to spend working. We do not even think about other activities at that time.
   For some reason when it comes to free time we forget how important it is. Yes, it won’t bring you any extra income and won’t get you a promotion at work but it will make you a happy and balanced person.

   Today turn off your cell phone after work. If you work from home then it is vitally important to have a designated office area that you should not enter during your “off” hours. When talking to your family members and friends spend a little bit of time sharing your work issues and then refocus to a more pleasurable topic.
   I’ll probably sound like an elementary school teacher, but still remember “All work and no play makes Johnny a dull (and unhappy!) boy.”

7. Nurture emotionally intimate relationships.
   Keeping up with a thousand friends on Facebook won’t make you any happier (if anything, it can make you only more depressed.) Create deep relationships with a few friends, family members or your spouse to increase your happiness level. We all need a few confidants who hear us on a deeper level, allow us to share experiences and become involved in our lives.

   Today (and every day) spend some time with a close person. Talk to your partner and spend time with him/her. Call your friend or a close family member. Plan monthly events with your close friends.

8. Express your gratitude.
   Does it feel good to hear somebody thank you for something? Be the person who always thanks for the favors that you get and help. Also be the one who appreciates his/her friends instead of taking them for granted.

   Today find a way to tell your friends why you value them so much.

9. Accomplish something that has value to you.
   True happiness stems from achieving something meaningful to you. It can be anything like painting, raising kids, helping others, growing a house, writing a blog or organizing your house. It doesn’t matter how spectacular or how famous it makes you – what you do just has to be intrinsically motivated. Ignoring what matters to you sets you up for unhappiness now and regret later in life.

   Today figure out what is meaningful to you in life and devote at least 15 minutes to your meaningful activity. Make sure that you do your meaningful work every day no matter how busy or tired you are.

10. Let yourself relax.
    Being in the “always-ready” condition is very stressful. Let somebody else take care of the kids, order a take-out (not more than twice a month, though), take a day off at work (if possible) and let yourself completely relax. It’s as important to let yourself relax all the way as it is to be insanely productive.

    Today add some R&R into your day. It’s best to have one day of total rest (no errands, no tasks) but even 15-30 minutes of quietude and serenity daily are a welcome change for the better.

“Okay, I see only 10 tips, where is the other 90?” you are asking me right now.

Posting them in one article would be overwhelming (to say the least.) You can download the 100 Ways to Live a More Balanced Life Today for FREE here. (if you are subscribed to my newsletter then I have already send you the download link for this FREE ebook.)

I would love to know how you keep (or would like to keep) your life balanced. Please share your thoughts in the comments.

You can win a free copy of my ecourse Reclaim Your Life in 15 days by posting your comment below. On Dec 5th I will pick the winner with the best comment.

The winner of the free Reclaim Your Life ecourse is Jody Stage (comment #6.)
I want to thank everyone who took part in this discussion and shared their ways of staying balanced and happy. I appreciate your involvement and your voice.

Keep it balanced!