My psychologist had urged me to maintain more social contact, which is positive to my recovery from depression. Also, I liked that friend and wanted to spend more time with her.

On the other hand however, I was hoping to finish some writing for my blog, which was also therapy for me in a way. I had done some 2 hours of writing that day already but felt that I had fallen short of my goal to produce an article.

So I was tempted to carry on writing and forgo the chance to do some fun exercise with a friend for I thought I had not written enough…

But, when is enough, enough?

I sat for 20 minutes in this dilemma, trying to decide what to do, until I remembered something my psychologist had taught me during our cognitive behaviour therapy sessions. Indeed, I had previously written about “The Balance Model” on my blog and a psychology website.

The Balance Model is divided into 4 quadrants:

• on the X axis (horizontal), visualize “Self” and “Social” as opposing forces
• on the Y axis (vertical), visualize “Achievements” and “Fantasy” as opposing forces

The quadrants are as follows:

1. Self
   represents anything that relates to the individual and the individual alone, for example, health, diet, exercise, me-time, interests, sleep, hobbies…
2. Social
   represents anything to do with other people, such as dinner with friends, social clubs, events, seminars, romantic relationships…
3. Achievements
   represents anything that involves an increase in knowledge or the individual considers a goal or achievement, for instance, career promotions, language skills to help equip the individual for a job, examinations and professional qualifications…
4. Fantasy
   represents anything that has to do with dreams, daydreams, wishes, something that does not necessarily have to be attainable…

Part of my self-destruction was brought about by focusing too much in the Achievements quadrant in the last 20 odd years – indeed burnt out should not have been surprising given the time I spent accomplishing goals after goals I set for myself.

Consequently, I had neglected my “Self” and my health deteriorated into severe migraines, back pains and eventually major depression. I also had no time to spend with friends or cultivate relationships.

During my recovery, I rediscovered my passion for writing, and started blogging about my reflections on living with depression and self-awareness. However, this passion became yet another “Achievement” for me, and it wasn’t fun anymore.

Day after day I spent time mulling over SEOs, keywords, regularly posting articles, drafting articles, establishing a platform for eventually, and hopefully a book. Even in my misery, I was trying to accomplish something for the world to see instead of focusing on my own health.

I sat on my couch, and looked out the window, contemplating an otherwise easy to respond invitation.

Visualizing the Balance Model in my head, I placed “Writing” in the Achievements quadrant, whereas “bike riding” belonged to the Social quadrant. I was very skewed towards the Achievements quadrant and it was up to me to change that habit. Therefore, even though I could not quantify it, I decided today’s writing was enough.

It was enough for me, in my life, in my circumstance, at that particular moment in time.

The Social quadrant was what I needed to work on, and thus I went bike riding with my friend and had a wonderful time out in the open. What felt like idling away my time because I wasn’t “achieving” something turned out to be pleasurable and gave me new inspiration for my writing.

It might be a different scenario for you, but next time you are considering between choices, trying using the Balance Model to help you decide.

Balance does not mean equal quantity. It means the right amount at the right time.

What quadrant do you have to focus on today?

Noch Noch worked in banking as an international executive for the last 7 years and had to quit her job last year due to major depression and severe migraines, and now reflecting on different recovery methods and how to be true to herself at “Be Me. Be Natural.” .

Photo credit: Khánh Hmoong

April 15th is known in the US as Tax Day which sends shivers down everyone’s backs every year (this year it’s April 17th of course).

Those who are planning to watch Titanic 3D or are just huge history fans might know that April 15th is the day the Titanic actually slipped under the water forever.

For Orthodox Christians (the religion I grew up in) April 15th this year is Easter Sunday.

My grandmother knows and loves this date because it’s the birthday of her favorite Russian singer (okay, maybe there is one more reason why she loves this date )

April 15th is my Birthday. Yaaay! And I am going to celebrate it! This year I am turning 27 and I am not afraid to say it. Mostly, because I am still young enough not to have to hide my real age… Secondly, because I really don’t feel like 27 yet (more like 24)… And, finally, I just love to celebrate my birthday – it brings out the inner child in me at least for this one day.

So, if you would like to have a cake today – I think it would be a great idea! I even want to share my favorite recipe with you. It’s the most delicious moist and heavenly luscious dark chocolate cake you have ever tried. And, what’s even more important, it’s easy to make (I am a horrible baker so if I can make it – anyone else can make it too.)

But before we get to the sweet stuff I thought I’d give you something else to enjoy.

For three days only (that’s how long I’ll be celebrating my birthday this year) you can buy my ecourse Reclaim Your Life at a discounted price. Actually you will decide what the course is worth to you. The minimum price of the course is $22 (it’s a 40% discount from the original price) and you can go up from there. Think of it as a mutually beneficial gift: you are getting an awesome product that will help you rebalance your life.

I also prepared a special bonus for everyone who buys the ecourse April 15th through April 17th – the Bonus Life Balance Workbook. It contains 4 additional exercises (never mentioned before) that will help you discover your personal road towards life balance and create action steps that will get you to your destination.

How to get the Reclaim Your Life course at “pay-what-you-can” price

If you are seeing this page then the Birthday Sale is over. I am sorry that you missed it. Make sure to subscribe to the newsletter to receive all important updates and news right to your inbox.

You can still purchase the Reclaim Your Life course – click here and read how awesome it is.

4 Reasons why Reclaim Your Life is worth your attention:

1. The Reclaim Your Life course has already helped dozens of people build a stress-free balanced lifestyle while actually enjoying their life.
2. “I can’t believe you charge so little for the course. It has helped me transform my life, it’s worth way more than $37.95!”
3. This course has been selling well for the past 6 months and if you were looking for a perfect time to buy it then now might be just the right time.
4. Some of the comments of the Reclaim Your Life participants before they started the course
   “I am constantly behind on everything; I can never catch up with my life!”
   “I am running like a hamster on a hamster wheel 24/7. Can you help me?”
   “I have no idea how to find time for all my projects without sacrificing important parts of my life.”
   “I know what needs to be done (sometimes) but I keep procrastinating and can’t find motivation to make the right changes in my life.”
   Comments after they completed the course:
   “I finally have time to breathe and enjoy my life. It’s wonderful!”
   “Thank you so much for showing me how to balance my life with ease. Now I finally feel in control of my life.”
   “Thanks to your exercises I finally found time for my family – the most important people in my life – and found time for myself.”
   “Now I know how to beat procrastination before it starts taking over my life.”

Now let’s get to the sweet stuff. Yuuumm!!!

Best Ever Extra Dark Chocolate Cake

Ingredients
2 cups white sugar
2 cups all-purpose flour
½ cup butter
½ cup vegetable oil
1 cup water
¾ cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
½ cup fat-free buttermilk (or kefir)
2 eggs
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
Frosting:
¾ cup butter
2 cups confectioner’s sugar
1/3 cup milk
4 oz unsweetened chocolate baking bar (you can skip it but it really makes the frosting stand out for the ultimate dark chocolate experience)
3 tbs unsweetened cocoa powder
2 tsp vanilla extract

Directions:

1. Grease two round 8 inch cake pans (or use parchment paper). Preheat oven to 375 F (190 C.)
2. Combine 2 cups white sugar and 2 cups flour together; set aside.
3. In a saucepan combine ½ cup butter, oil, water and coca. Bring mixture to a boil, remove from heat and add to try ingredients.
4. In a different bowl dissolve baking soda in buttermilk, add beaten eggs, salt and vanilla.
5. Add the buttermilk mixture to the flour mixture; stir well.
6. Pour batter into two 8” round cake pans. Bake at 375 F or 25 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean.

Frosting:

7. Melt chocolate in a double boiler or microwave on high for 1 minute (add more time if needed.)
8. In a big mixing bowl beat butter until fluffy.
9. Gradually add sugar, cacao, milk and vanilla extract.
10. Finally add melted chocolate and mix until well combined.
11. Let the cake cool a little bit before taking it out of the pan. If the cake starts falling part –don’t worry. Just press it together and use frosting to “glue” it together. The cake will taste only better.
12. First frost the bottom layer. If you want, you can sprinkle crushed pecans, walnuts or chocolate chips before you put the second layer. Then frost the second layer and decorate it to your liking (I usually use shaved dark chocolate for decoration.)
13. The cake is ready! Enjoy!
14. Tip: Is the whole cake too much for you and your family? Cut it into serving-size pieces, put it on the baking tray and set it in the freezer. Once the frozen had hardened wrap each piece into serene wrap and aluminum foil and keep it in the freezer until you crave a decadent desert. Once frozen, it tastes just like chocolate ice-cream cake – delicious!

And of course you can leave a comment just to wish me Happy Birthday. It would most certainly make my day

Keep it balanced!

Achieving balance and simplicity is much easier said than done for most people. We forget to remind ourselves to step back, breathe, and appreciate the simple things when we’re constantly on auto-pilot, working ourselves to the bone, and falling victim to overwhelming stress and pressure.

For me, achieving balance and simplicity is all about making it a habit to do so. It is habitual for me to consider play to be just as necessary as work, make time for the things that matter most in my life, and cut myself some slack when I recognize that I’m putting too much pressure on myself.

I can easily turn into a reactive and overwhelmed basketcase if I get too anxious, emotional, or stressed out. My mental health and overall well-being is important to me – and making balance a priority in my life typically leads to that good mental health and overall well-being.

Asking yourself the following questions will help you get clear on your priorities, be honest with yourself, and hopefully, make steps towards a more balanced and simple life.

1. Am I taking care of myself? Sometimes we get so wrapped up in taking care of others that we forget to take care of ourselves. It can be so easy to leave ourselves behind.
   Identify any areas of your life where you may be neglecting your health or happiness. What steps can you take to make self-care more of a priority?
2. Do I have too much clutter? Drowning ourselves in too many material possessions can ultimately lead to stress. Get clear on what you absolutely need and what you can get rid of.
3. Do I take time out of my day purely for myself? We all need a little “me time.” Set aside some time every day to just relax and do something that you enjoy, whether that is reading, meditating, watching TV, cooking, spending quality time with your loved ones, etc.
4. Am I eating healthy? The types of foods we eat can greatly affect how we feel both physically and emotionally.

   Eating too much junk food can lead to crankiness and a relatively low energy level, whereas eating healthy foods can lead to better moods and a more positive energy level. Take a look at your own eating habits and see if there is a certain one that you can improve or eliminate altogether.

5. What are my core values? What is important to you as an individual? Is it family, health, spirituality, work, etc.?

   Make sure that you are living in alignment with what matters most to you.

6. Am I maintaining healthy relationships? Is there a relationship in your life that needs a little extra care and attention? Do you need to right a wrong with someone?

   Try to stay aware of how you’re treating the people in your life.

7. Am I working too hard? Taking time to re-charge and spend time on activities that make you happy is so important. Honor your desire to pull back from work or school pressure when needed and give yourself time to breathe, even if it’s only for a few minutes at a time.
8. Am I playing too hard? A lack of motivation to accomplish certain things can throw you off balance or make you feel stressed out and pressured later on. Taking breaks is very necessary, but if you take so many breaks that your productivity level drops, or you get into the habit of procrastinating too much, it might be time to balance out your schedule so that you will get a generous amount of things done and still have time for breaks and leisure.
9. Am I spending too much? Overspending can lead to stress, clutter, and financial complications. It can also turn into a nasty habit over time.

   Distinguish your wants from your needs and try to maintain a healthy balance between the two. Saving money is an excellent practice and you will more than likely be glad you did in case of an emergency.

10. Am I worrying about the future? Worrying about something that hasn’t even happened yet causes stress and anxiety. Focus on the moment in front of you and realize that it is all that exists.
11. Am I dwelling on the past? It is very tempting and almost involuntary to look back on the past and obsess over something we regret or something we miss. Learn to let go and only focus on what’s happening right now, and on the choices you will make today.
12. Is there something I am clinging to? We don’t always realize when we’re clinging to something harmful when it feels safe and familiar, whether it is an unfulfilling job, an unhealthy relationship, or a stagnant way of life. Recognize if you are clinging to something that isn’t serving you and work on taking small steps towards change and release.

Madison Sonnier has written for several online publications, including Tiny Buddha and Mind Body Green. She loves to express herself and you can read her personal life ramblings at Journey of a Soul Searcher.

Do you remember yourself as a child? What was your favorite thing to do in spring and summer?

I loved playing outside and especially playing with dirt: making “yummy” mud pies, fixing weed soups and going on a fearless adventure through the jungle (which were just a couple of bushes in my Grandma’s yard.)

Today I look at my girls (who just turned 4) and see how they enjoy playing outside and doing the same things that I did as a kid. These are timeless joys that require no money or expensive vacations.

As adults we often forget about simple life joys that bring the most balance into our lives. A brand new car or a new dress won’t make you feel more balanced. But creating something, enjoying time with the family and spending time outside marveling at the beauty of creation will.

This year I want to challenge you to try gardening as your special life balance exercise. If you are already an avid gardener – please stick around and share your tips with the rest of us. If you always thought that gardening was not your thing (I am the first one to raise my hand here) then let’s try it together. I focus on vegetable gardens since they offer more benefits of all sorts but feel free to grow flowers if you like them better.

10 Benefits of Gardening for your Life Balance

1. Exercise. Gardening is considered a moderate form of exercise. I personally can call it a quite strenuous one especially when you are dragging big bags of potting soil across your garden or moving planters around because they just don’t look pretty enough in a particular location (I doubt that you can call this form exercise boring.)

   Frankly speaking, it really doesn’t matter how you choose to garden. The very fact that you get up, squat down, bend down, pick up heavy objects and walk around is already so much better than sitting on a couch or behind a computer.

2. Vitamin D boost. Most people today suffer from vitamin D deficiency. This vitamin is essential for cancer protection, bone health, strong immunity and more. Our skin produces vitamin D when it is exposed to the sun (just 10 minutes a day is enough to “stock up” on this vitamin.) While scientists are still debating the safe amounts and types of vitamin D in supplements, we can all enjoy a little bit of time in the sun without spending any money or worrying about an overdose.
3. Mindful practice. Gardening is one of the best mindfulness practices. Every day you go out to look at your garden you see a new leaf or a new flower. Something is different, something wonderful is happening and you are helping it happen.
4. Stress relief therapy. Gardening is a very repetitive occupation. You need to stay disciplined and remember to water your plants, prune them or trim them, replant them, weed them etc. This simple flow of tasks takes your mind off your daily problems and helps you relief your stress.

   When you get home from work in the evening you might not be very keen on spending another 30 minutes outside, I understand that. But once you force yourself to go out and devote yourself to this simple practice you will feel rejuvenated and relaxed.

5. Family time. If you have little kids then gardening can be the best way to spend your family time. Your kids get to play outside but at the same time you teach them discipline and care. You might lose a few plants in the process, but who cares if you get to spend some great time with your family!
6. Creativity booster. Any activity that gets you out of the rut will boost your everyday creativity. You see nature’s beauty as it transforms daily and goes through the life cycle. This natural flow of things encourages the flow of creativity in your mind.

   Another way to boost your creativity is to use what you already have in your house for your garden. Instead of buying expensive pots use old buckets or wooden boxes that can be painted. Use old umbrellas as plant supports and make cups out of newspaper to start seedlings. I have a gardening rule: before I buy anything I look around and try to recycle what I already have. It keeps the house and planet clean and green.

7. Environmental protection. When you choose to grow your own vegetable garden you also choose how you will grow it. Most likely instead of using heavy chemicals and fertilizers that destroy the Earth you will choose eco-friendly gardening practices. You will benefit yourself and our planet.

   Also if you follow my tip above (about using what you have in the house for your gardening needs) you will be recycling your own trash. This year I also went to our local trash collection center and found several planters over there. Instead of letting them rot in the landfill they will serve a purpose of growing a garden.

   You will lower your carbon footprint since your produce won’t be transported on trucks and airplanes.

8. Budget saver. If you attempt to plant even a small vegetable garden then you can save significantly on your grocery bills. Plant tomatoes in planters, some herbs, cucumbers, lettuce and you already have a simple dinner growing in your garden already. When you grow your own produce you can guarantee that it is organic (if you choose to grow it that way of course) and you don’t have to pay double price for it at the grocery store.
9. Health booster. To expend on the previous point, growing your own produce is healthy. There is no doubt that eating a fresh-from-the-garden tomato is much healthier than the one that’s been on a truck or in a warehouse for the past 2-3 weeks. Even if you choose to grow only sprouts (Alison Kerr created a free ebook that will help you get started) or herbs (that take pretty much no space and time) you will still benefit your health by adding them to salads or green juices.
10. Develop gratitude. Our life balance depends greatly on our attitude. When you start focusing on how blessed you are in life you will stop living in a world of negativity. Seeing your garden grow and bloom can’t leave you indifferent. You can see the Miracle of Life at work and you can be the one helping that miracle happen. Isn’t it something to be grateful for?

my modest garden

It is my third year of planting a garden. The first year was a complete disaster. The second one was a little better (I got some tomatoes, a good crop of cucumbers and a ton of hot peppers) before my garden got destroyed by bugs and some weird plant disease. I hope that this year will be more successful since every time I learn something new.

This year I am trying a container garden instead of the regular box. I am starting my own seeds and making a commitment to actually remember to water my garden before my plants wither down.

How about you, are you going to bring more balance into your life through gardening this year? I know that it might be frustrating at first and you might feel that you don’t have enough time for it. But even if you plant one small pot of basil on your windowsill it will be worth it, I promise.

Leave a comment below and let me know about your gardening experience. Let’s grow and learn with balance this year.

Keep it balanced!

Happy Women’s Day!

Today I want to greet and congratulate every woman who reads this blog. As a special “Thank You” and a tribute to the power of enormous creativity of ladies all over the world I have put together a list of the posts (written only by female authors) that will answer your biggest life balance questions, give you motivation and inspire to live a balanced life every day.

(Of course I am not saying that men are less talented than women are and I guess soon I’ll have to put together a post of 44 Most Inspiring Life Balance Posts written by Men to avoid any gender discrimination on this blog, but today let’s focus on women. Because every once in a while every woman needs to know how Awesome she is!)

For Women by Women
Choose Your Path
On Being Yourself
Get through tough times
Everyday Motivation
Work
Money
Living to the Fullest
Marriage/Relationships

For Women by Women

1. 75 Most Empowering, Inspirational Quotes for Sassy, Kickass Women by Tia, Your Life Your Way
   I decided to create a reminder for myself and all women, bringing together quotes that inspire, empower and remind us of how powerful we really are.
   ps: A smile is still the sexiest curve on your body. Ever.
   pps: If you know a special woman, let her know how phenomenal she is.




2. An ode to girlfriends everywhere. By Danielle LaPorte, White Hot Truth
   Girlfriend, i adore you. like, insanely, madly, infinitely, priceless diamond, cosmic shiny adore you. it’s crazy how much i adore you.




3. 45 Simple Actions to Start Losing Weight by Steph, Trading Pounds
   As of this past Sunday, I have lost 107.6 pounds. I can honestly say to you that it has not been difficult. I know it is because I have not felt deprived and I don’t deny myself whatever I want to have (it’s not just about eating salads!). How am I doing all of this? By making small shifts in my habits and small changes to my routine. The kind of things that will last a lifetime.




4. How to make lasting girlfriends by Stephanie Klein, StephanieKlein.com
   So to start: I’m pretty kick-ass, and I know it. I have a job which I use to pay for my travels and for my MFA […] So even though most of my life is great, I find myself not having any stable girls to really turn to when I need a drink, a shopping partner, or someone to hang out with when the hubby is burning the midnight oil. Advise me on how to make lasting girlfriends again.

Choose Your Path

5. A Simple Guide To Remembering Who You Are by Katie Tallo, Momentum Gathering
   Lit by the glow of a computer screen, my face is reflected in the glass doors leading outside. Out there a winter ready sky is etched with the spidery outlines of maples barely visible as night falls. Their leaves are gone. It’s just me and my reflection. No tweets, no pokes, no stats, no emails, no Facebook updates tumbling across my laptop.




6. 35 Ways I Don’t Fit In by Annabel Candy, Get in the Hot Spot
   Do you feel as if you don’t fit in? I do and last week I was told that everyone else feels the same way.
   What a relief. Instead of hiding our quirks we can share them and move on.




7. Scripting Your Sacred Story by Lisa Byrne, Well-grounded Life
   Yesterday on a walk, I had one of those moments of lightning bolt clarity. I saw the the process of moving from a disconnected, depleted place in life to a vital, creative, purposeful and fulfilled place in life as 7 clear steps along a journey.
8. Trusting Yourself to Choose a New Direction After a Lifetime of Mistakes by Jennifer Gresham, Everyday Bright
   You know, rationally, that everyone makes mistakes.
   But it hasn’t just been one mistake.
   It’s been one mistake after another. Doozies. Pursuing the wrong career, trusting the wrong person, buying a house at the wrong time, wasting time on the wrong opportunities.
9. 18 Guideposts for Your Personal Journey by Carolyn Rubenstein, A Beautiful Ripple Effect
   I am delighted to share with you a few tips or helpful lessons I’ve learned over the past 26 years. Many of these tips serve as guideposts for me as I continue to struggle and wonder through different phases of life. I hope that some resonate with you as you begin to navigate this magical new phase of your own life.




10. A Fresh Start by Kristi Hines, Kikolani
    Today is a wonderful day! For the first time, I made the commute to work from one room of my house to another. I am excited to announce that this Halloween marks the first day that I am no longer a part of the 9 to 5 workforce, but am instead a new member of the proudly self-employed!




11. Be Proud Of Yourself If You Have Enough Courage To Grow With A New Experience by Fran, High on Health
    My life here in Pisac, Peru is full of learning, growth, new experiences and new beginnings. Just living in the Sacred Valley and being immersed in the energy of the land in itself is enough to put anyone through a series of subtle little life lessons. But just like any other energetic hot spot in the world, the Sacred Valley tends to pull in a bunch of people that are ready to delve deep into their personal and spiritual path which makes for an interesting group dynamic of travelers and temporary residents.

On Being Yourself

12. Don’t wait for love: 10 ways to love yourself now by Dani, Positively Present
    It may seem cliche or even ironic, but I can only speak from a place of my experiences and my experiences have shown me that the quote above is 100%, shockingly, undeniably true. If you want other people to love you, you must love yourself.
    We all know this is generally much easier said than done. Of course we all want to love ourselves, but it’s not always that easy, is it? Sometimes it can be very, very difficult to believe that you are worth loving. Sometimes it can be damn near impossible to believe that you are valuable. But you are!




13. The Top 10 Signs Your Intuition is More Developed Than You Think by Angela Artemis, Powered by Intuition
    The fact is, most people are intuitive and — much more intuitive than they believe. There are common signs that appear throughout the life of intuitive individuals. Each of them is a “calling card” trying to get your attention.




14. Why Your Passions Infuse Your Life With Creativity and Peace by Fran Sorin, Awake Create
    I have just three things to teach: simplicity, patience, compassion. These are your greatest treasures. Simple in actions and in thoughts, you return to the Source of Being. Lao-Tzu
    Do you remember discovering things that you wanted to learn about? That you couldn’t get enough of? That you always made time for regardless of your schedule?
15. Remove Your 10 Blocks To Creativity by Evelyn Lim, Abundance Tapestry
    Most people, including yourself, may think about about creativity as doing well in art and music. So if you find that you are nowhere near producing great works in these areas, you may well declare that you are not creative. However, I would like to embrace a broader definition of what creativity is.




16. 10 Life-Changing Facts to Heal the Inner Critic by Gail Brenner, A Flourishing Life
    Let’s tell the truth. If you feel held back in any area of your life and have the sense that there must be something more, your inner critic is alive and well. There is nothing helpful about the way the inner critic guides you. Who finds it supportive to be incessantly doubted, devalued, and deflated?
17. 7 Ways You Can Use To Stop Doubting Yourself by Karen Ruby, A Meaningful Existence
    It may seem like we are all alone when we are full of doubt about ourselves and our abilities. We look at other people and it looks like everyone else has it all figured out. Look at them, enjoying success after success. It looks so effortless for everyone else, but not for us. Why are we the only one’s struggling? We ask ourselves: Why can’t I seem to make any good decisions in my life? Am I the only one who seems to be screwing up all the time?




18. Are You a Perfectionist? by Lori, Life for Instance
    For most of my life I thought I might be a Type A personality, but then, I didn’t really know what that meant. I do now. It means I have to do everything perfectly; I have to be perfect, which of course is impossible. It means something inside of me is always shooting for perfection, missing and then beating up on myself for the failure. Well I have just one thing to say about this Type A stuff.

Get through tough times

19. From Fear to Motivation in 22 Radical Thoughts by Farnoosh, Prolific Living
    My motivation is insanely out of control lately. If I don’t calm down soon, this excitement is going to kill my productivity and my focus! That’s how motivated I feel lately.
    No fear. Not anymore. Not one ounce. I am done being scared. I am done making decisions with fear. I am finished half-committing to my goals. I am done fooling around with my dreams.
20. 12 Easy Ways to Get in a Good Mood On a Bad Day by Nea, Self Improvement Saga
    Oh how wonderful it would be to wake up in a good mood every single day and to remain in that mood no matter what curve balls life throws your way. As much as I’d love to master that, the truth is that we sometimes have to work at it.




21. How to Deal Effectively With Difficult People (and Some Other Secrets) by Paige Burkes, Simple Mindfulness
    It’s inevitable. At some point in your week you’ll run into one of them. Those people who seem to turn a wonderful day into a dark one. But it doesn’t have to be that way for you.




22. How You Can Put An End to the Negative Thinking That is Holding You Back by Sibyl Chavis, Possibility of Today
    Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up. Ann Bradford
    Isn’t that quote so hilarious … and just so true? There really is a “negative committee” that is having continual meetings in our minds. It’s conducting business of its own and of course leading the charge when it comes to stirring up all of our doubts.




23. 7 Reasons to Be Happy Even if Things Aren’t Perfect Now by Lori Deschene, Tiny Buddha
    Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections. – Unknown
    My life doesn’t always look exactly like I want it to. I spend many days writing alone in my living room, when I’d rather work from a beachside office space I share with friends. I drive a beat-up old Toyota, when I’d far prefer something that doesn’t have roll-up windows or a cassette player.




24. 10 things not to say to a depressed person (and please don’t ever say to me either) by Noch Noch, Be Me, Be Natural
    I cringed at these things my friends said to me these few years. For those of you who don’t really get us, I’ve decided to let you know 10 things not to say to a depressed person from my own experience. And be forewarned, for if you ever dare to even start uttering the below to me, I will hang you by your legs upside down, skin you alive and then deep fry you before publicly disowning you and denying your pitiful existence.




25. 10 Ways to Boldly Bloom Through Life Transitions by Barrie Davenport, Live Bold and Bloom
    As predictably as there are changing seasons, life transitions for each of us are inevitable. Maybe you are in one right now. If not, hold on to your hat. One is right around the corner.
    I have found there are two types of transition that we encounter several times during our lifetimes: the slow growers and the surprise attackers.
26. 5 Signs It’s Time To Let Go by Aileen, Kaizen Vision
    I’ve not yet met a single person who hasn’t had a dream in their heart at one time or another. I haven’t met anyone who hasn’t held on to a desire. I have seen some achieve their dreams and desires, I’ve seen some let go and I’ve seen some hold on when they should have let ago a long time ago. I’ve also been in each one of those realities.
27. 9 Ways to Overcome Frustration and Discouragement by Stacy, Grow with Stacy
    Overcoming frustration, discouragement and overwhelm can be very challenging because we are starting from a place of negativity and or despair. It may feel impossible to get to a better place and it certainly can seem like it may last forever. We have all been there.

Everyday Motivation

28. 7 Simple Ways to Boost Your Mood, Right Now by Ali Luke for Pick the Brain
    We all feel a bit down at times. Perhaps you’ve had a stressful day at work, or you’re juggling a lot of different tasks at home. Maybe your plans haven’t gone as smoothly as you’d hoped, or you’re struggling to find your path in a complex world.
    When you’re feeling low, it’s easy to let your mood get on top of you: by snapping at your partner or kids, or procrastinating on your work, or even turning to drugs or alcohol. There are plenty of simple ways to boost your mood, though – so next time you feel bad, try one of these.
29. Ode to Joy (or how to take better care of yourself) by Sandi Amorim, Deva Coaching
    I know I don’t always take the best care of myself, distracted by business, commitments to others and yes, I admit it – sometimes laziness.
    What? A life coach admitting to laziness? Not too common I know, but hey I’m human and I’ve got my challenges just like you do!




30. Finding Sanity through Awareness and Action by Robin Easton, Naked in Eden
    I’ve sometimes felt overwhelmed by the changes that need to occur on a global scale to ensure a healthy future for our children, and for all beings. At times, when I first came out of the Australian rainforest I felt hopeless and helpless. I didn’t know where to start. But rather than focus on feeling overwhelmed or what I couldn’t control, I decided to focus on what I can do to bring about positive change in my own life and in the world. There are many things we can do in our lives to feel more positive and sane about both the present and the future.




31. Are You The Master Of Your Day Or Are You Too Busy To Notice? by Natalie Sisson, The Suitcase Entrepreneur
    After continually working for hours on end, in the early morning, late at night and on one too many weekends, I realized the error in my ways. As much as I like to think I’m organized, productive, creative and focused, I have not been managing the processes in my life.
    I was making more but not working less. I was flying through my day, managing minor issues as they came up and reacting to everything as quickly as I could, instead of getting perspective and prioritizing what was important and what wasn’t.

Work

32. 25 Secrets to Live and Work Intelligently from the Heart by Liz Strauss, Successful Blog
    We can think and plan life. We can think and plan a business. We can build brilliant business strategy and savvy life design. We can make sure we’re on budget, we manage our time, and delivering high ROI that sees to the needs of work, friends, and family. But savvy and brilliant only go so far. If we want build a lasting business inside a meaningful life we need our head hardwired to our heart.




33. 5 Steps to Discovering Your Business Sweet Spot! by Janine and Jo, Love Your Small Business
    Our research tells us that women entrepreneurs start out in business because they want to make a great living doing what they are good at. However, it seems that this on its own is no longer enough.
    Our research also tells us that despite the best of intentions, lots of women are struggling to get the balance quite right – too much work to do, too little time, not enough money; plenty of money but a lack of fulfillment, a struggle to have the impact or reach you desire – the list goes on.
34. How to Love Your Sucky Job by Melody Fletcher, Deliberate Blog
    I was talking to someone the other day, who was complaining to me about how much she hated her job. She worked in an office – one of those cubicle farms, which allow companies to herd employees into big, windowless rooms like cattle under the guise of fostering “open communication” and the like. She truly believed that working there every day was stealing her soul, but she felt trapped. Finding another job in this economy seemed like impossibility. And because she wasn’t a senior manager, she didn’t think that she had any influence on the working environment itself. There was nothing she could do but grit her teeth, nurse her ulcer, and accept the fact that things were never going to change.




35. 3 Things No One Tells You About Finding Your Life’s Work, by Therese, The Unlost
    For the entirety of my adult life, I’ve wanted to find that passion—that thing that drives me. It was never a question of existence—with everything inside of me, I’ve always known that there was something I wanted to do with all my soul, something that was inseparable from my sense of purpose, of aliveness, my sense of self. Yes, I’ve always known that this thing existed. The maddening part, though, was that I hadn’t a clue what it was.

Money

36. Let’s Talk Money by Tsh Oxenreider, Simple Mom
    Almost two years ago, I first shared some newly-found emotional benefits to being debt-free. We just sent in our last payment to finish off my school loans from college, and were emotionally high from the eurphoria of not owing a thing to anyone.
    Two years later, and we’re still shaking in our boots in gratitude for being debt-free.
37. 10 Ways You Can Have Enough Money and Stuff by Courtney Carver, Be More with Less
    As a society, we are eating too much, drinking too much, working too much and spending too much. We take more drugs for anxiety and depression than ever before. Our debt is climbing and our savings are dwindling.
    It’s time to start asking the tough questions, because it’s very likely that you are not living the life you desire. You are depriving yourself of real happiness because you think you need more. More money, and more stuff.

Living to the Fullest

38. 101 Ways To Live Your Life To The Fullest by Celestine Chua, Personal Excellence
    How do you feel about your life today? Are you living every day in exuberance? Do you love what you’re doing? Are you excited every single moment? Are you looking forward to what’s coming up next? Are you living your best life?
    If your answer to any of the above is a no, maybe or not sure, that means you’re not living your life to the fullest.
39. 13 Ways to Live a Dynamic Life by Shannon Ables, The Simply Luxurious Life
    “Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change.” –Jim Rohn
    The protagonist of any well-written novel is a character that undergoes a significant change by the end of the story, and if written well, it is a character the readers become attached to because they may see the same possibility for change in their own lives.




40. 100 Unmaterialistic Joys for A Bold Life by Tess Marshall, The Bold Life
    “Enjoy life, this is no dress rehearsal.” -Unkown
    In no particular order:
    1. Expressed love
    2. Being creative
    3. Feeling grateful
41. 6 Positively Powerful tips to Re-ignite Your Excitement about Life by Zeenat, Positive Provocations
    If you’re not as excited about your life as you want to be, take comfort in knowing that increasing the joy in your life is something that you can actually take control of. Becoming motivated, happy, inspired, energized, and fully engaged in your life is definitely possible! When I talk about gaining excitement, it isn’t so much about working to “fix” yourself as it is learning new skills of acceptance, emotional flow, and focusing your efforts on activities that have personal meaning.
42. Living a Life of Integrity by Courtney, Faithful Bloggers
    Integrity. We hear this word mentioned a lot, especially as Christians. But, exactly, what is it and how do we live with integrity?
    As I looked for a clear definition, I realized that it is not an easy word to explain. I didn’t like the definitions I found, so I thought I would give it a
    try myself.

Marriage/Relationships

43. 25 Tips To Make Your Marriage Rock! by Preeti Bhatt, Happy Heart and Mind
    Zenguy and I are friends first and seemed to be married for zillion years or so. While we have mutual love and care for each other, we still need to work on our marriage and relationship often time. Here are a few ways, you can do that with your spouse. While this tips are for happier marriage, it can be applied to other relationships as well as such boyfriend or girl friend, a friend, parent, siblings etc.




44. The Two Sneakiest Marriage Problems To Watch Out For by Amy Waterman, Save My Marriage Today
    Among the many couples who’ve consulted with us, we’ve come across two common problems that they fight about the most. To the passing eye, these everyday problems aren’t threatening – but any couple should know better than to ignore them.

How would you like to greet women today?

If you know any inspiring female bloggers that I didn’t mention above please mention them in the comments below (don’t be shy, you can mention yourself too ). Or tell us what women inspire you to live a balanced and fulfilling life.

Keep it balanced!

Photo credit

traditional Chinese wedding

I nearly choked on the tea I was drinking. Just because it’s tradition and therefore it should be done? I wasn’t too convinced.

As with many things in life, I find tradition slightly suffocating at times, and try always to break through, or innovate. Yet, not every new ritual is easily accepted. Every day we face a choice of following what has already been done, versus what we would like to do. Even in writing a blog post, do we follow guidelines established over the years, or weave sentences the way we want?

Just how do we find a balance between the old and the new?

Blatantly, I dismissed my friend’s remark with a shrug, silently murmuring to myself at how boxed up her thoughts are. I wore the gown for some pre-wedding photos with my fiancé. In fact, he had seen photos of the gown and “approved” of my purchase even when I was shopping for a gown, as he’s a man steeped in the fashion industry.

I was quite happy. But still my friend’s remark lingers at the back of my mind as we plan for our wedding in May.

Raised in Hong Kong, and having lived all over the world, I bring with me Chinese traditions and an understanding of international ones. My fiancé is from Australia, and obviously there are practices to be respected from down under. I wonder then, when do we follow traditions, and when do we not?

I’m not too sure. On one hand, if there were no creations and breakaway from tradition, the society would not advance. If we had kept the tradition of not bathing safe for once a month, we’d all have perished due to foul hygiene and ill health as a result. And if Picasso had painted as all other artists before him, we would not have Impressionism, or any other kind of creative arts for that matter.

However, long standing traditions and culture such as etiquette, chivalry, manners, must exist for a reason? Other practices such as firecrackers for Chinese New Year, or giving gifts at Christmas all have a reason behind them. I respect the lucky symbolism of red in China and sending Christmas greetings to friends and family as The Three Wise Men once did when they visited Jesus in the little manger in Bethlehem.

Yet, when one implements traditions for the sake that it’s simply a tradition, I beg to differ. It seems to me, a blind worship without understanding the reasons behind why we must perform certain actions.

I resorted to my google search for “wedding traditions,” and was largely overwhelmed. From the Western side, there were things like the garter, wearing something borrowed and blue, the bridal party, leaving the gown undone till the day and tossing the bouquet etc. From the Chinese side, the list is longer than Rapunzel’s hair! Tea ceremony, seeds to throw at the bride, the red umbrella, combing of hair at midnight, the dowry, the gifts, the cookies, the traditional red gown, the blankets to use on wedding night…

Some had reasonable explanations behind them; others were mere superstition, as was prohibiting the groom to see the wedding gown before the wedding day.

Going through our pre-wedding photos, I had a good think about this balance between the old and the new, not only for our wedding, but also for other aspects of life in general.

When faced with the question of following tradition or not, I suggest a decision making / thinking process as follows to find the balance:

1. Find the reason behind the tradition
   Behind every tradition there must be an origin and reason. Research it, even if quickly, and find out why so as not to blindly follow a practice.

   If you agree with the reason, by all means follow it. If not, then you can make a choice.

   Either way, an informed decision is better than being led by the blind.

2. Decide how you would like to diverge, if so
   No reason to be rebellious just for the sake of it either. If you don’t want to follow a particular way, ask yourself why, and how you want to be different.

   Have a clear idea on what alternatives you would like to substitute the tradition with.

3. Trust in your reasons
   People might doubt your judgment, question your actions, and even criticize you as a result. Ignore them.

   Do what you believe is right for you.

4. Explain to those affected
   Inevitably, people around you could be affected and might not feel entirely happy with your decisions. Keep calm. Explain to them your rationale behind and hope they will understand, and if they don’t, well, it’s not anybody’s fault.

   Maintain communication to facilitate understanding and exchange of ideas amicably.

5. Just do it

   Then of course, heed to your decision.

My fiancé and I reached a consensus to follow the Western tradition of walking down the aisle in a white gown, because we think it is important for us to say our vows in front of our family and friends and show our commitment to each other. We will also arrange a Tea Ceremony as per Chinese ways with our family and relatives, where we kneel and pour tea for our parents, as a gesture of gratitude and respect for having brought us up with love and kindness as we set about a new life of our own.

As for the rest, well, if on the day we want some fun tossing the bouquet, we might. And if we decide that we won’t give any speeches at the dinner banquet, we won’t.

There is value in both the old and the new

Every circumstance is different and depends how we apply these traditions. Perhaps a blend is how we innovate and create, whilst maintaining harmony between generations and different thoughts.

In every day life, we continue to juxtapose between the traditions and ground breaking thoughts. Today we do not send hand written letters, but rather type out an email, or I have taken to free text messages via apps on my phone. Nonetheless, I find it heartwarming when once in a while, I receive snail mail, signed and sealed with paper and ink. What we do in each situation is unique but what is crucial is that we make up our own minds.

Find your own equilibrium between following conventions and crafting a way of your own.

What do you think about traditions? Did you have to break some or are you protecting them?
Please share your thoughts in the comments below.

Keep the old and the new balanced!

Noch Noch worked in banking as an international executive for the last 7 years and had to quit her job last year due to major depression and severe migraines, and now reflecting on different recovery methods and how to be true to herself at “Be Me. Be Natural.” .

photo credit: amrufm

Do you ever feel sapped of energy while trying to catch up with life as it moves at 90 miles an hour? Do you feel like no matter what you do, you’re always burdened with tasks and feeling sleep deprived? Time and energy “leaks” in your life may be the culprit.

Energy (a.k.a. your “will power”) and time are intimately related. When you deplete your energy, you reduce your ability to focus and thus accomplish the tasks in your life effectively. On the other hand, when you run out of time, you expend energy inefficiently as you try to rush through the things you need to do.

The energy and time “leaks” in your life consume your ability to get things done and feel fulfilled. These leaks exist in mental, physical, and emotional forms and they must be identified and “plugged” in order to become more productive. I, for example, suffered the following leaks: Feeling sluggish from sitting at my desk all day, reading and responding to mundane emails as they constantly stream in numbed my mind, and feeling bad about an argument I had with a coworker has been consuming my mind.

Leaks can be plugged by replacing thoughts and habits that suck energy and time with ones that make you more productive. Expanding upon the examples above, I plugged the leaks as follows:

1. Interrupting myself from work every 45 minutes and doing stretches, walking around the block, and listening to empowering music to psych me out of boredom
2. Limiting email-checking to only 2 times in the day so I’m not constantly bombarded with boring notes in my inbox
3. Having a heart-to-heart conversation with my colleague to resolve the issue

Another form of leakage that deserves its own category due to its particularly insidious nature is multitasking. Multitasking has often been promoted as an indication of high efficiency, but both statistics and common sense would say otherwise. True multitasking is nearly impossible. What most people do is a variation of multitasking in which one switches quickly between tasks. It is estimated that multitasking can consume about 40% of your productive time (based on a study conducted in Psychology Today).

Let’s think about this from a common sense perspective: it takes time to switch between tasks, and furthermore, the constant switching means that you will never be able to fully focus on any one task. True efficiency comes from specificity. Think about how our bodies are designed- we have several organs that each serve a specific purpose. We don’t think with our large intestines or speak with our leg muscles!

I often found myself multitasking by doing things that seemed rather innocent: reading while watching TV, typing while talking to my sister over the phone, texting someone while doing research on the web, and browsing multiple sites simultaneously with tabs in my web browser. How do YOU currently multitask? Once you’ve identified these “leaks,” stop and select the highest priority task to do now, while completing the others one by one.

Consider how the leaks in your life currently add to imbalance and lack of energy and time to do what really matters for you. Most people are unaware of how these leaks affect them and only see the results. Now that you know what can be consuming your time and energy, start plugging those leaks by replacing the counterproductive habits and thoughts with ones that serve you in a positive way.

Kristoph Matthewsis an entrepreneur and scientist, whose mission in life is to turn ideas into reality and inspire others to do the same. Find him on his blog UnSwampedLife.com: Become a Master of Your Time and Live a Life of Freedom and Purpose.

Photo credit: joshuaporter.co.ukHow to

Find the power within

We all have goals/dreams that we say “I really want to do this. This is THE THING for me.” However, whenever we think about these goals we always find a reason why it is not the right time to start working towards them. This goal can be as big as writing a bestseller , as trivial as starting a healthy lifestyle or as painful as getting over a nagging family conflict.

When I first opened BalanceInMe I really didn’t have a plan on how to run it or what to write about. The design was horrible. My writing was not much better and frankly speaking as I look back to those days I didn’t have many chances of surviving as a blogger and realizing my dream of touching the lives of thousands of people.
However, I was lucky because I chose a topic for the blog that helped me improve as well. My passion for balanced living empowered me to become a better writer, to get over my fears and to be grateful for the most bitter critique (one of the top bloggers reviewed my site back in those days and his reaction was “It’s horrible all over.”)

How do you fuel your goal or your motivation towards joyous and fulfilling living?

Self-empowerment is one of the most powerful tools that we have in our arsenal. Sometimes we don’t realize that we have this ammunition and it takes a while to get the hang of it but the results are always amazing.

• Who knows you better than you?
• Who understands your goals better than you?
• Who knows what you are going through better than you?
• Who knows what obstacles stand in your way better than you?

Nobody.

When you look at the lives of successful people they all have one trait in common: they can empower themselves to do whatever they set their minds to.

• Did anyone show Thomas Edison how to invent a light bulb? Or do you think that he had a coach standing behind his back and saying after each failed attempt “It’s okay, you’ll do better next time.”
• Did Gretchen Rubin create her Happiness Project based on someone else’s needs?
• Did Steve Jobs or Bill Gates have someone telling them “You are working on the future. Even if no one understands you right now you’ll be a billionaire one day, guaranteed.”

All of these people (and many more) know how to empower themselves to live their lives with meaning, passion and accomplishment. Here are the 5 most important lessons that anyone can use to empower their best self:

1. Grow in life

Be not afraid of growing slowly; be afraid only of standing still.
Chinese Proverb

Growth is a vital ingredient of balanced living but too often we find a comfortable spot in life and we refuse to take any more steps forward. Just because you are 25 or 65 doesn’t mean that you have to stop growing in life. Every day we make choices, every day we face challenges and obstacles and each one of them is an opportunity to improve and grow in life.

Self-empowered people take every chance they have to grow and they are not afraid of busting through a few ceilings while getting out of the ordinary spaces.

2. Stand your ground

What do you believe in in life? What foundation is your life built on?

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.
Eph. 6:13

We all have things that we whole-heartedly believe in and put at the top of our priority list. It is family for some, work and career for others, God for somebody else etc. Sometimes, however, we allow circumstances, excuses or fears to shake our grounds and beliefs.

The power to do something amazing in life comes from the confidence in yourself and in your beliefs. If I tell you that I am not sure that life balance is important then will you be empowered by any of my posts? Or will I be able to live a balanced life if I am not confident in its vital value for me.

Self empowered people know what they stand for and they prove with their life and each action the importance of their beliefs.

3. Focus on your future, learn from your past

One of the biggest dream and goal – killers in life are past mistakes. The longer you live and the more mistakes you (naturally) accumulate the more difficult it gets to go past them.

• A person who had several failed relationships will be very hesitant to start a new one because they are not sure they are the “relationship-type.”
• A person who was fired from his/her job would be more critical of his/her business ideas.
• Even a girl who had an unsuccessful weight loss experience will convince herself that she is just born to be overweight and unhealthy and nothing can change that.

Self-empowerment is what you need to get past obstacles in life. Whatever happened in the past doesn’t matter as long as you analyzed the situation and learned to use it for your future.

• If your former relationships didn’t work out then think if there is a particular trait in you that keeps you from finding your second half.
• If you had disagreements with your boss then think how you can use his comments to become better at your job or find a field that is more suitable for you.
• If you failed to lose weight then ask yourself if you chose the right strategy to do so.

Aaron Patzer, a creator of Mint.com – free personal finance management software – had trouble finding investors for his project.

Investors in [Silicon] Valley have seen hundreds or thousands of proposals from eager young entrepreneurs — so when they give a flat-out no, or worse, tell you your idea will never take off, it’s pretty disheartening. I continued to build what I knew was a good solution, and when I got really down I listened to Frank Sinatra’s “That’s Life” and got back in the game. Once I got my first yes, it was game on.

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.
Albert Einstein

Self-empowerment helps you build your future but you can’t be dwelling on your past at the same time.

4. Be yourself

Did you know that you have a super power? Your personality is the unique and enormously efficient super power that you can use to transform your life. Nobody else has the personality that you have. Nobody else has a unique combination of traits and thinking patterns that help you come up with ideas, make decisions and live an empowered and empowering life.

Tony Hsieh (CEO of Zappos) in his interview to Enterpreneur.com said:

A lot of people [act] different on the weekends versus the office. It’s like they leave a big part of themselves at home. We encourage our employees to be themselves. We want them to be the same person at home and the office.

Empowering employees helps Zappos to be a gold standard for customer service as well as company culture.

Self empowered people use their uniqueness at home and at work and leverage it to build their best life and make a difference in the world.

5. Learn

Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.
Mohandas Gandhi

Knowledge is the propeller of success and happiness. The minute you decide that you know it all you give room to arrogance and pride both of which force you to make stupid decisions in life.

Life doesn’t stop for a minute and knowledge that we can absorb does not end either. Only if you learn something new every day you can see new opportunities and embrace all possibilities.

Only if you learn you can use your past experiences to propel you into the future rather than drag you down into nostalgia and reminiscence.

Only if you learn you can empower yourself for bold actions and balanced living.

If you seek balance and empowerment in life then I want to encourage you to check out the Empowerment Pack. It is a perfect way for you to continue learning from the best coaches, motivational speakers and entrepreneurs who devoted their lives to empowering people like you for meaningful and successful living.

The Empowerment Pack consists of 25 self-improvement and personal growth products worth over $1000. For 3 days only (starting Jan 16th at 9.00 am EST) you will be able to get all of these empowering resources for only $97 (a 90% discount!)

Click here to check out all of the empowering resources included in the Empowerment Pack.

Keep it balanced!

P.S. If you were considering buying Reclaim Your Life course then now is the best time to do that. Reclaim Your Life is included in the Empowerment Pack so you can get it (with 1 month of free email coaching from me) as well as 24 other resources at a great discount. Don’t miss it!

Tess Marshall

Three years ago I moved to the US not quite comprehending that living here will depend on my ability to drive. I drove a few times in Ukraine (my native country) but I was never an independent driver. When the plane landed and my in-laws picked all of us up we drove down a huge 5-lane interstate with a 70mph speed limit in rush hour. I was terrified.

Thankfully my husband was very patient with me while teaching me how to drive. In Ukraine I drove a tiny VW Rabbit and in the US I had to get used to a ginormous Toyota 4Runner (at least that’s how it seemed to me back then.) I was terrified of getting out on the road in this huge tank that I felt I had no control of. And most importantly I was afraid of other cars on the road (every time a jacked up Ford F-350 flew by I felt my heart sink into my heels.) I couldn’t even imagine taking my girls (the most precious cargo) anywhere in the car by myself.

It took me two years to start driving independently. Some might call me a slow learner but it was the time I needed to overcome my fear and become comfortable behind the wheel of a car.

Do you have fears that you have to overcome?

Some of our fears are obvious (like mine) but others can disguise themselves as excuses, traditions, habits and many other things. If I hadn’t learned to drive a car then I obviously couldn’t have survived normally in the US (unless my husband and I struck oil and we could hire a private chauffeur to take me anywhere.) I had no choice but overcome this fear.

Overcoming some fears is not imperative to our survival though (like a fear of public speaking – the number 1 fear or a fear of starting your own business.) However living with those fears robs us of the possibilities that we are capable of, it robs of realizing our potential and living a bold and fulfilling life.

A friend of mine, Tess Marshall of The Bold Life, had her share of fears in life. As a personal coach and therapist she decided to put her knowledge and experience into one extensive e-course Take Your Fear and Shove It that could help anyone overcome their fears (no matter how obvious or hidden they are.) I wanted to invite her here, to Balance In Me, to share her most valuable advice about conquering fears and living a bold and bright life.

1. Tess, what was the biggest fear that you managed to overcome? How did you do it?

My dad had an 8th grade education and my mom a 6th grade. My nine siblings and I grew up on a farm. Going to college wasn’t discussed as a possibility, ever. I got married when I was 17 and pregnant, was the mom to 4 little girls by age 22.

The priest at our church saw something in me nobody else had before. He suggested that I attend the local college when the twins went to kindergarten. I was 27 by that time and I was so terrified that he went with me and helped me sign up for my first two classes, Speed Reading and How to Study.

It took me nine years to finish by taking a couple classes each semester while raising the girls! I then went on to get my master’s degree in counseling psychology and two years after graduation, as a therapist began building my private practice.

That one decision to overcome the fear of not being capable to attend college was beyond life-changing!

2. Why did you decide to create a course about Fear? Why do people need it?

Everyone is afraid, that’s normal. However due to our economic times, more people than ever, fear the future, fear losing a job or never finding one. The list goes on.
In order to change ourselves, believe in our future again, and make the world a better place – we have to get over our fears and use our talents and gifts. It’s imperative! Instead of asking, “When will things change?” we need to ask, “When will I change so I can become part of the solution?”

The first change we can make is learning to overcome fear!

3. A lot of people don’t think that they have fears in life. Do you have a quick method to identify “hidden” fears that sabotage happy and bold living?

I don’t know anyone who doesn’t have fear. They are either subconscious or they don’t want to admit or talk about them. We’re wired for fear, it’s genetic.

4. Tess, can you share your favorite technique of fighting fear in life?

When I fight my fear I don’t get anywhere. It’s like denying it. We become fearful by identifying with our negative thoughts. When you reexamine your beliefs to see where the thought is coming from it keeps you from staying stuck in action and fear.

I have two core beliefs and most of my fears fall under one or another. They both come from being the sixth child in a family of ten children. One is, “I’m going to be left behind” and the other is “There’s not enough for me.” Makes sense, doesn’t it?

As soon as I can identify which belief my fear is coming from, my fear has lost some of its power over me. I’m a creative person, my favorite technique is to write down my fear with my dominant hand and ask a question about it. Then I switch my pen in my non-dominant hand and answer the question with the first thing that comes to mind. (It’s sloppy looking, like that of a child’s). The answer is usually very powerful.

The exercise sounds simple enough but most people won’t do it. On some level it scares them, as if they fear the answer.

I have a morning routine that consists of many exercises. I describe each exercise I do in, Take Your Fear and Shove It!

The course has over 100 different techniques and action steps to overcome fear. If you don’t like one, you can try another. It’s set up so you can refer back to it again and again.

5. How can you keep fears from coming back into your life?

Once you work through a particular fear and it comes back again, you can identify it and remind yourself that you’ve already dealt with it. Then simply breathe through the fear.

On the other hand think of an iceberg. The ice you see above the water is your conscious mind. The ice you can’t see hidden under the water, is your subconscious fear. It runs deeper than you think. It means you have more work to do around that particular fear.

Helen Keller said,

“Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature…. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.”

None of us are ever safe. We create the concept of it and believe it in order to feel safe. Safety is a superstition or an illusion. What is real is uncertainty. What is real is the unknown.

We have no idea what the next minute, hour, day or year will bring. Somebody will get in an accident, get sick or die. Somebody will lose a job or a lover. Anything can happen. A superstition of safety allows us to function in our world.

Humans like to live in the pain of the past or the fear of the future. I like to live in the present moment as much as possible. Like Helen Keller, I would rather have my life be a daring adventure rather than nothing!

What fears are you trying to overcome? Ask your questions and Tess and I will be happy to answer them.

And don’t forget to find out more about Take Your Fear and Shove It! It’s a great course and I wish I had it when I was learning to drive a car Maybe it could have cut my learning period to normal two months instead of two years.

P.S. The BalanceInMe 2011 Survey is till on. Please click here to share your life balance experience in 2011 and download a free 10-minute Balance Workout.

Are you looking for life balance too?

For a second imagine that you are in a huge thick forest with birds chirping over your head, nice breeze running through your hair and warm sun rays playing on your hands and face. There is a huge oak tree in this forest and one day two acorns fell off of it.

One acorn hit the rock and ricocheted towards a nearby stream, went downstream and finally fell into fertile soil on a nice open clearing. The acorn sprouted roots and grew into a mighty oak tree even stronger than its “father.”

Another acorn fell on the ground and one day strong wind picked it up, dragged it across the forest until it reached a cliff. The acorn fell down but fortunately got stuck between two huge boulders in a little piece of dirt. It sprouted roots too and started growing slowly every day enduring harsh winds, ruthless sun and constant lack of nutrition. It grew into a crooked dwarfish tree that was weak. The bigger the tree grew the more nutrition and support it needed however there was not enough soil between those boulders to provide for its needs. The oak started withering down and losing its strength until one day a strong wind finally broke it.

If you look at both of the trees one would seem like a true masterpiece of nature: harmonious and balanced. The other one will look like a feat of survival doomed to lose its balance from the first days it started growing.

In life we can also maintain two types of balance: one balance is grounded, solid, peaceful and fulfilling. The other balance we maintain just to get by but any unfavorable circumstances can easily knock us down and send us over a cliff.

What type of balance are you living in right now?

Sometimes it’s very difficult to realize what type of balance you are living in right now but it is vital for your own sake and of the ones you love to discover if you are just maintaining a flimsy temporary equilibrium rather than solid balance.

The other night my husband and I stumbled across a TV show called Hoarders on A&E. I was shocked to see how some people can live in 3-5 feet of clutter, junk and old moldy trash distributed in an even layer across the entire house. There is no way to walk around the house, they sleep on piles of old clothes and boxes, their bathrooms looks so disgusting that it is unsanitary even to walk into them. And somehow these people think that they are living a normal life and are taken by surprise when someone reports their house to the authorities. Then of course they face eviction, loss of parenting rights and bankruptcy.

No matter how surprising this might seem these people live in their own type of reality, their own version of “balance.” Over time they get used to the look of their house, they choose not to communicate with other people (so that they don’t feel ashamed of their living conditions and lifestyle) and believe that it’s just a temporary mess in their house that they can clean up any time.

The only time when these people realize that they have a problem is when a major crisis occurs in their family. Somebody gets sick but the paramedics can’t get vitally important equipment to the patient in time. The house gets taken over by bed bugs and the entire family (including small kids) is forced to live in a tent outside because the exterminators can’t treat the house. Or they simply get a notice that the house is condemned and they will be evicted within 30 days unless they “dejunkify” their living space.

When you are living your life with the wrong type of balance a major crisis is the only thing that will show you the reality of your situation. But why take the matters so far if you can find the right type of balance right now?

Of course hoarding is not the only example of unhealthy balance. Consider the following situation:

1. Perfectionism – simple joys stop bringing pleasure into your life because you are so focused on the “perfect” that you can’t see past the not perfectly dusted furniture or having a clean car all the time. The “perfect” balance is all about going by the rules that you have created. If someone does something differently you get mad and frustrated. If you fall short of your own expectations (and it happens pretty often) then you feel depressed and upset at the entire world.

   Perfectionists often seek a “mathematical” balance. They believe that each area of their lives should be equally developed or should reach an “ideal” balance. This concept is impossible in real life and I have written several times already on why it is harmful to your well-being.

2. Work – workaholism is obviously the most common unbalanced approach to life but there are others.

   Some people complain that they are not treated right at work but at the same time they are the ones who have no ambitions and never try to be part of a team.

   Others complain that they are not satisfied with their job but when someone mentions to them to look for another job or start their own business they immediately find an excuse why it’s impossible for them (the most common one is “it’s just not for me.”)

   Unfortunately, the crisis that a lot of these “balanced” people face is losing their job. Why take the matters so far? Rethink your problems at work and find the real reason behind them.

3. Poor relationships. I’ve heard so many people say “It’s difficult for me to make friends because people don’t like me or they don’t want to be my friend.” As a result these people choose a secluded lifestyle with few to no friends and a very bitter attitude.

   If you want to make friends or be a better friend then you are the one who has to make the first step. If you move to a new neighborhood go ahead and introduce yourself to the neighbors, invite them over for a grill-out or a cup of coffee.

   My husband and I were talking once about not having enough young family activities at our church. But then it dawned on us, why do we expect someone else to organize an activity that we want? If we are really that anxious about meeting new people then we are the ones who have to make the first step by inviting them over or organizing a movie night (and since both my husband and I are introverts entertaining is not our thing, to say the least.) Once our approach was changed we met a lot of wonderful people who we are proud to call friends.

4. Dating/marriage problems. This one is a biggie. So many people choose to live in unbalanced relationships because they are afraid to be alone or they don’t have the courage to talk honestly with their partners. It’s so much easier to say “It’s my partner’s fault that our relationship is suffering so much” but do we always do 100%, 120% to preserve the love and romance? This frustration over time leads to a loss of trust, jealousy, anger and even gives room to addictions.

   Others have trouble finding the love of their life but they are not doing anything to be the person that can be loved. They hang out at bars and hope to meet the right person there. They don’t ask people that they like out on a date but rather live off the “hints”, “looks” and assumptions. They don’t take care of themselves but somehow want to date a supermodel. They can’t communicate without arguing or interrogating and then they complain that the other person doesn’t understand them.

5. Money. With the economy being so unstable these days a lot of people have reevaluated their finances. So many of us got used to living off credit that they consider it a norm. But once they lose their job, have an unexpected expense or realize that they simply can’t maintain their lifestyle any more they find themselves in a heap of trouble. A life that seemed so balanced and structured all of a sudden turns into a chase to pay off credit card bills. Life turns into a never-ending nightmare with many zeros behind it. They lose their freedom and they are forced to live in a rat race.
6. Health. Did you ever find an excuse to justify an unhealthy habit? I did, many times, unfortunately. When I smoked I thought that it was just normal because everyone else around me was doing it. When I refused to try running I was telling myself “It’s just not for me, it’s too boring.” When I tried crash diets and skipped breakfast continuously (both of which messed up my stomach) I was thinking “I’ll be fine. I’m different from everyone else, it will work for me.” (Of course it didn’t!)

   It’s easy to live a life of elusive balance and poor health but one day all the bad choices that you made in life will catch up with you. As a Pilates instructor I teach clients of different age and different fitness levels. The most amazing and inspiring part about being a Pilates instructor for me is seeing older people (in their 70s and 80s) doing Pilates faithfully week after week. A lot of them have arthritis, knee and hip replacements, fibromyalgia, osteoporosis and a hundred more conditions, and yet every morning they get up and make a decision to keep moving and doing everything they can to live healthy. If they can do it, then why can’t we?

No matter how balanced or unbalanced you feel your life is I am asking you to reevaluate your life today. Are you a strong oak tree or a stunted one that will be knocked down into the abyss with the next gust of wind?

The only way to live a truly balanced life is to keep challenging yourself and improving yourself. Take a look at what your life looks like and what you want it to look like. You are the only one responsible for your life, your achievements and failures. Your boss, partner, colleagues and family members have nothing to do with your life choices. Accept this fact today and start improving yourself to be a better parent, friend, partner, employee or business owner, neighbor, daughter or son, and person.

Benjamin Franklin at the age of 20 set his life-long goal of achieving moral perfection. He made a list of 13 virtues to live by daily. He always carried a little notebook with him that contained charts consisting of a column for each day of the week and a row corresponding to each virtue. At the end of each day he placed a dot next to each virtue that he violated. The goal was to minimize those dots thus indicating a “clean” life free of vices.

He kept this notebook until his last days however he never achieved perfection. One would think that it was a wasted attempt but here is how Benjamin Franklin put it himself:

Tho’ I never arrived at the perfection I had been so ambitious of obtaining, but fell far short of it, yet I was, by the endeavor, a better and a happier man than I otherwise should have been if I had not attempted it. ~Benjamin Franklin

A balanced life is one that you keep improving constantly no matter how easy or difficult it might be at times. If you live in balance that is not going anywhere and is not making you a better person every day then you are lost.

It is time to make 2012 the year of improvement, change, breaking out of stagnant zones and balance and I am here to help you in any way I can.

Keep it balanced!

P.S. It is time for the annual Life Balance Survey. Please click here to answer 6 simple questions that will make BalanceInMe more targeted to your needs. When you fill out the survey you will be able to download a free 10-minute Balance Workout that will improve your coordination, challenge your balance and tone your body. Thank you for being part of our balanced community!

Photo credit: FLASHFLOOD, alexbip, Rob Watling