traditional Chinese wedding

I nearly choked on the tea I was drinking. Just because it’s tradition and therefore it should be done? I wasn’t too convinced.

As with many things in life, I find tradition slightly suffocating at times, and try always to break through, or innovate. Yet, not every new ritual is easily accepted. Every day we face a choice of following what has already been done, versus what we would like to do. Even in writing a blog post, do we follow guidelines established over the years, or weave sentences the way we want?

Just how do we find a balance between the old and the new?

Blatantly, I dismissed my friend’s remark with a shrug, silently murmuring to myself at how boxed up her thoughts are. I wore the gown for some pre-wedding photos with my fiancé. In fact, he had seen photos of the gown and “approved” of my purchase even when I was shopping for a gown, as he’s a man steeped in the fashion industry.

I was quite happy. But still my friend’s remark lingers at the back of my mind as we plan for our wedding in May.

Raised in Hong Kong, and having lived all over the world, I bring with me Chinese traditions and an understanding of international ones. My fiancé is from Australia, and obviously there are practices to be respected from down under. I wonder then, when do we follow traditions, and when do we not?

I’m not too sure. On one hand, if there were no creations and breakaway from tradition, the society would not advance. If we had kept the tradition of not bathing safe for once a month, we’d all have perished due to foul hygiene and ill health as a result. And if Picasso had painted as all other artists before him, we would not have Impressionism, or any other kind of creative arts for that matter.

However, long standing traditions and culture such as etiquette, chivalry, manners, must exist for a reason? Other practices such as firecrackers for Chinese New Year, or giving gifts at Christmas all have a reason behind them. I respect the lucky symbolism of red in China and sending Christmas greetings to friends and family as The Three Wise Men once did when they visited Jesus in the little manger in Bethlehem.

Yet, when one implements traditions for the sake that it’s simply a tradition, I beg to differ. It seems to me, a blind worship without understanding the reasons behind why we must perform certain actions.

I resorted to my google search for “wedding traditions,” and was largely overwhelmed. From the Western side, there were things like the garter, wearing something borrowed and blue, the bridal party, leaving the gown undone till the day and tossing the bouquet etc. From the Chinese side, the list is longer than Rapunzel’s hair! Tea ceremony, seeds to throw at the bride, the red umbrella, combing of hair at midnight, the dowry, the gifts, the cookies, the traditional red gown, the blankets to use on wedding night…

Some had reasonable explanations behind them; others were mere superstition, as was prohibiting the groom to see the wedding gown before the wedding day.

Going through our pre-wedding photos, I had a good think about this balance between the old and the new, not only for our wedding, but also for other aspects of life in general.

When faced with the question of following tradition or not, I suggest a decision making / thinking process as follows to find the balance:

1. Find the reason behind the tradition
   Behind every tradition there must be an origin and reason. Research it, even if quickly, and find out why so as not to blindly follow a practice.

   If you agree with the reason, by all means follow it. If not, then you can make a choice.

   Either way, an informed decision is better than being led by the blind.

2. Decide how you would like to diverge, if so
   No reason to be rebellious just for the sake of it either. If you don’t want to follow a particular way, ask yourself why, and how you want to be different.

   Have a clear idea on what alternatives you would like to substitute the tradition with.

3. Trust in your reasons
   People might doubt your judgment, question your actions, and even criticize you as a result. Ignore them.

   Do what you believe is right for you.

4. Explain to those affected
   Inevitably, people around you could be affected and might not feel entirely happy with your decisions. Keep calm. Explain to them your rationale behind and hope they will understand, and if they don’t, well, it’s not anybody’s fault.

   Maintain communication to facilitate understanding and exchange of ideas amicably.

5. Just do it

   Then of course, heed to your decision.

My fiancé and I reached a consensus to follow the Western tradition of walking down the aisle in a white gown, because we think it is important for us to say our vows in front of our family and friends and show our commitment to each other. We will also arrange a Tea Ceremony as per Chinese ways with our family and relatives, where we kneel and pour tea for our parents, as a gesture of gratitude and respect for having brought us up with love and kindness as we set about a new life of our own.

As for the rest, well, if on the day we want some fun tossing the bouquet, we might. And if we decide that we won’t give any speeches at the dinner banquet, we won’t.

There is value in both the old and the new

Every circumstance is different and depends how we apply these traditions. Perhaps a blend is how we innovate and create, whilst maintaining harmony between generations and different thoughts.

In every day life, we continue to juxtapose between the traditions and ground breaking thoughts. Today we do not send hand written letters, but rather type out an email, or I have taken to free text messages via apps on my phone. Nonetheless, I find it heartwarming when once in a while, I receive snail mail, signed and sealed with paper and ink. What we do in each situation is unique but what is crucial is that we make up our own minds.

Find your own equilibrium between following conventions and crafting a way of your own.

What do you think about traditions? Did you have to break some or are you protecting them?
Please share your thoughts in the comments below.

Keep the old and the new balanced!

Noch Noch worked in banking as an international executive for the last 7 years and had to quit her job last year due to major depression and severe migraines, and now reflecting on different recovery methods and how to be true to herself at “Be Me. Be Natural.” .

photo credit: amrufm

Do you ever feel sapped of energy while trying to catch up with life as it moves at 90 miles an hour? Do you feel like no matter what you do, you’re always burdened with tasks and feeling sleep deprived? Time and energy “leaks” in your life may be the culprit.

Energy (a.k.a. your “will power”) and time are intimately related. When you deplete your energy, you reduce your ability to focus and thus accomplish the tasks in your life effectively. On the other hand, when you run out of time, you expend energy inefficiently as you try to rush through the things you need to do.

The energy and time “leaks” in your life consume your ability to get things done and feel fulfilled. These leaks exist in mental, physical, and emotional forms and they must be identified and “plugged” in order to become more productive. I, for example, suffered the following leaks: Feeling sluggish from sitting at my desk all day, reading and responding to mundane emails as they constantly stream in numbed my mind, and feeling bad about an argument I had with a coworker has been consuming my mind.

Leaks can be plugged by replacing thoughts and habits that suck energy and time with ones that make you more productive. Expanding upon the examples above, I plugged the leaks as follows:

1. Interrupting myself from work every 45 minutes and doing stretches, walking around the block, and listening to empowering music to psych me out of boredom
2. Limiting email-checking to only 2 times in the day so I’m not constantly bombarded with boring notes in my inbox
3. Having a heart-to-heart conversation with my colleague to resolve the issue

Another form of leakage that deserves its own category due to its particularly insidious nature is multitasking. Multitasking has often been promoted as an indication of high efficiency, but both statistics and common sense would say otherwise. True multitasking is nearly impossible. What most people do is a variation of multitasking in which one switches quickly between tasks. It is estimated that multitasking can consume about 40% of your productive time (based on a study conducted in Psychology Today).

Let’s think about this from a common sense perspective: it takes time to switch between tasks, and furthermore, the constant switching means that you will never be able to fully focus on any one task. True efficiency comes from specificity. Think about how our bodies are designed- we have several organs that each serve a specific purpose. We don’t think with our large intestines or speak with our leg muscles!

I often found myself multitasking by doing things that seemed rather innocent: reading while watching TV, typing while talking to my sister over the phone, texting someone while doing research on the web, and browsing multiple sites simultaneously with tabs in my web browser. How do YOU currently multitask? Once you’ve identified these “leaks,” stop and select the highest priority task to do now, while completing the others one by one.

Consider how the leaks in your life currently add to imbalance and lack of energy and time to do what really matters for you. Most people are unaware of how these leaks affect them and only see the results. Now that you know what can be consuming your time and energy, start plugging those leaks by replacing the counterproductive habits and thoughts with ones that serve you in a positive way.

Kristoph Matthewsis an entrepreneur and scientist, whose mission in life is to turn ideas into reality and inspire others to do the same. Find him on his blog UnSwampedLife.com: Become a Master of Your Time and Live a Life of Freedom and Purpose.

Photo credit: joshuaporter.co.ukHow to

Find the power within

We all have goals/dreams that we say “I really want to do this. This is THE THING for me.” However, whenever we think about these goals we always find a reason why it is not the right time to start working towards them. This goal can be as big as writing a bestseller , as trivial as starting a healthy lifestyle or as painful as getting over a nagging family conflict.

When I first opened BalanceInMe I really didn’t have a plan on how to run it or what to write about. The design was horrible. My writing was not much better and frankly speaking as I look back to those days I didn’t have many chances of surviving as a blogger and realizing my dream of touching the lives of thousands of people.
However, I was lucky because I chose a topic for the blog that helped me improve as well. My passion for balanced living empowered me to become a better writer, to get over my fears and to be grateful for the most bitter critique (one of the top bloggers reviewed my site back in those days and his reaction was “It’s horrible all over.”)

How do you fuel your goal or your motivation towards joyous and fulfilling living?

Self-empowerment is one of the most powerful tools that we have in our arsenal. Sometimes we don’t realize that we have this ammunition and it takes a while to get the hang of it but the results are always amazing.

• Who knows you better than you?
• Who understands your goals better than you?
• Who knows what you are going through better than you?
• Who knows what obstacles stand in your way better than you?

Nobody.

When you look at the lives of successful people they all have one trait in common: they can empower themselves to do whatever they set their minds to.

• Did anyone show Thomas Edison how to invent a light bulb? Or do you think that he had a coach standing behind his back and saying after each failed attempt “It’s okay, you’ll do better next time.”
• Did Gretchen Rubin create her Happiness Project based on someone else’s needs?
• Did Steve Jobs or Bill Gates have someone telling them “You are working on the future. Even if no one understands you right now you’ll be a billionaire one day, guaranteed.”

All of these people (and many more) know how to empower themselves to live their lives with meaning, passion and accomplishment. Here are the 5 most important lessons that anyone can use to empower their best self:

1. Grow in life

Be not afraid of growing slowly; be afraid only of standing still.
Chinese Proverb

Growth is a vital ingredient of balanced living but too often we find a comfortable spot in life and we refuse to take any more steps forward. Just because you are 25 or 65 doesn’t mean that you have to stop growing in life. Every day we make choices, every day we face challenges and obstacles and each one of them is an opportunity to improve and grow in life.

Self-empowered people take every chance they have to grow and they are not afraid of busting through a few ceilings while getting out of the ordinary spaces.

2. Stand your ground

What do you believe in in life? What foundation is your life built on?

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.
Eph. 6:13

We all have things that we whole-heartedly believe in and put at the top of our priority list. It is family for some, work and career for others, God for somebody else etc. Sometimes, however, we allow circumstances, excuses or fears to shake our grounds and beliefs.

The power to do something amazing in life comes from the confidence in yourself and in your beliefs. If I tell you that I am not sure that life balance is important then will you be empowered by any of my posts? Or will I be able to live a balanced life if I am not confident in its vital value for me.

Self empowered people know what they stand for and they prove with their life and each action the importance of their beliefs.

3. Focus on your future, learn from your past

One of the biggest dream and goal – killers in life are past mistakes. The longer you live and the more mistakes you (naturally) accumulate the more difficult it gets to go past them.

• A person who had several failed relationships will be very hesitant to start a new one because they are not sure they are the “relationship-type.”
• A person who was fired from his/her job would be more critical of his/her business ideas.
• Even a girl who had an unsuccessful weight loss experience will convince herself that she is just born to be overweight and unhealthy and nothing can change that.

Self-empowerment is what you need to get past obstacles in life. Whatever happened in the past doesn’t matter as long as you analyzed the situation and learned to use it for your future.

• If your former relationships didn’t work out then think if there is a particular trait in you that keeps you from finding your second half.
• If you had disagreements with your boss then think how you can use his comments to become better at your job or find a field that is more suitable for you.
• If you failed to lose weight then ask yourself if you chose the right strategy to do so.

Aaron Patzer, a creator of Mint.com – free personal finance management software – had trouble finding investors for his project.

Investors in [Silicon] Valley have seen hundreds or thousands of proposals from eager young entrepreneurs — so when they give a flat-out no, or worse, tell you your idea will never take off, it’s pretty disheartening. I continued to build what I knew was a good solution, and when I got really down I listened to Frank Sinatra’s “That’s Life” and got back in the game. Once I got my first yes, it was game on.

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.
Albert Einstein

Self-empowerment helps you build your future but you can’t be dwelling on your past at the same time.

4. Be yourself

Did you know that you have a super power? Your personality is the unique and enormously efficient super power that you can use to transform your life. Nobody else has the personality that you have. Nobody else has a unique combination of traits and thinking patterns that help you come up with ideas, make decisions and live an empowered and empowering life.

Tony Hsieh (CEO of Zappos) in his interview to Enterpreneur.com said:

A lot of people [act] different on the weekends versus the office. It’s like they leave a big part of themselves at home. We encourage our employees to be themselves. We want them to be the same person at home and the office.

Empowering employees helps Zappos to be a gold standard for customer service as well as company culture.

Self empowered people use their uniqueness at home and at work and leverage it to build their best life and make a difference in the world.

5. Learn

Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.
Mohandas Gandhi

Knowledge is the propeller of success and happiness. The minute you decide that you know it all you give room to arrogance and pride both of which force you to make stupid decisions in life.

Life doesn’t stop for a minute and knowledge that we can absorb does not end either. Only if you learn something new every day you can see new opportunities and embrace all possibilities.

Only if you learn you can use your past experiences to propel you into the future rather than drag you down into nostalgia and reminiscence.

Only if you learn you can empower yourself for bold actions and balanced living.

If you seek balance and empowerment in life then I want to encourage you to check out the Empowerment Pack. It is a perfect way for you to continue learning from the best coaches, motivational speakers and entrepreneurs who devoted their lives to empowering people like you for meaningful and successful living.

The Empowerment Pack consists of 25 self-improvement and personal growth products worth over $1000. For 3 days only (starting Jan 16th at 9.00 am EST) you will be able to get all of these empowering resources for only $97 (a 90% discount!)

Click here to check out all of the empowering resources included in the Empowerment Pack.

Keep it balanced!

P.S. If you were considering buying Reclaim Your Life course then now is the best time to do that. Reclaim Your Life is included in the Empowerment Pack so you can get it (with 1 month of free email coaching from me) as well as 24 other resources at a great discount. Don’t miss it!

Tess Marshall

Three years ago I moved to the US not quite comprehending that living here will depend on my ability to drive. I drove a few times in Ukraine (my native country) but I was never an independent driver. When the plane landed and my in-laws picked all of us up we drove down a huge 5-lane interstate with a 70mph speed limit in rush hour. I was terrified.

Thankfully my husband was very patient with me while teaching me how to drive. In Ukraine I drove a tiny VW Rabbit and in the US I had to get used to a ginormous Toyota 4Runner (at least that’s how it seemed to me back then.) I was terrified of getting out on the road in this huge tank that I felt I had no control of. And most importantly I was afraid of other cars on the road (every time a jacked up Ford F-350 flew by I felt my heart sink into my heels.) I couldn’t even imagine taking my girls (the most precious cargo) anywhere in the car by myself.

It took me two years to start driving independently. Some might call me a slow learner but it was the time I needed to overcome my fear and become comfortable behind the wheel of a car.

Do you have fears that you have to overcome?

Some of our fears are obvious (like mine) but others can disguise themselves as excuses, traditions, habits and many other things. If I hadn’t learned to drive a car then I obviously couldn’t have survived normally in the US (unless my husband and I struck oil and we could hire a private chauffeur to take me anywhere.) I had no choice but overcome this fear.

Overcoming some fears is not imperative to our survival though (like a fear of public speaking – the number 1 fear or a fear of starting your own business.) However living with those fears robs us of the possibilities that we are capable of, it robs of realizing our potential and living a bold and fulfilling life.

A friend of mine, Tess Marshall of The Bold Life, had her share of fears in life. As a personal coach and therapist she decided to put her knowledge and experience into one extensive e-course Take Your Fear and Shove It that could help anyone overcome their fears (no matter how obvious or hidden they are.) I wanted to invite her here, to Balance In Me, to share her most valuable advice about conquering fears and living a bold and bright life.

1. Tess, what was the biggest fear that you managed to overcome? How did you do it?

My dad had an 8th grade education and my mom a 6th grade. My nine siblings and I grew up on a farm. Going to college wasn’t discussed as a possibility, ever. I got married when I was 17 and pregnant, was the mom to 4 little girls by age 22.

The priest at our church saw something in me nobody else had before. He suggested that I attend the local college when the twins went to kindergarten. I was 27 by that time and I was so terrified that he went with me and helped me sign up for my first two classes, Speed Reading and How to Study.

It took me nine years to finish by taking a couple classes each semester while raising the girls! I then went on to get my master’s degree in counseling psychology and two years after graduation, as a therapist began building my private practice.

That one decision to overcome the fear of not being capable to attend college was beyond life-changing!

2. Why did you decide to create a course about Fear? Why do people need it?

Everyone is afraid, that’s normal. However due to our economic times, more people than ever, fear the future, fear losing a job or never finding one. The list goes on.
In order to change ourselves, believe in our future again, and make the world a better place – we have to get over our fears and use our talents and gifts. It’s imperative! Instead of asking, “When will things change?” we need to ask, “When will I change so I can become part of the solution?”

The first change we can make is learning to overcome fear!

3. A lot of people don’t think that they have fears in life. Do you have a quick method to identify “hidden” fears that sabotage happy and bold living?

I don’t know anyone who doesn’t have fear. They are either subconscious or they don’t want to admit or talk about them. We’re wired for fear, it’s genetic.

4. Tess, can you share your favorite technique of fighting fear in life?

When I fight my fear I don’t get anywhere. It’s like denying it. We become fearful by identifying with our negative thoughts. When you reexamine your beliefs to see where the thought is coming from it keeps you from staying stuck in action and fear.

I have two core beliefs and most of my fears fall under one or another. They both come from being the sixth child in a family of ten children. One is, “I’m going to be left behind” and the other is “There’s not enough for me.” Makes sense, doesn’t it?

As soon as I can identify which belief my fear is coming from, my fear has lost some of its power over me. I’m a creative person, my favorite technique is to write down my fear with my dominant hand and ask a question about it. Then I switch my pen in my non-dominant hand and answer the question with the first thing that comes to mind. (It’s sloppy looking, like that of a child’s). The answer is usually very powerful.

The exercise sounds simple enough but most people won’t do it. On some level it scares them, as if they fear the answer.

I have a morning routine that consists of many exercises. I describe each exercise I do in, Take Your Fear and Shove It!

The course has over 100 different techniques and action steps to overcome fear. If you don’t like one, you can try another. It’s set up so you can refer back to it again and again.

5. How can you keep fears from coming back into your life?

Once you work through a particular fear and it comes back again, you can identify it and remind yourself that you’ve already dealt with it. Then simply breathe through the fear.

On the other hand think of an iceberg. The ice you see above the water is your conscious mind. The ice you can’t see hidden under the water, is your subconscious fear. It runs deeper than you think. It means you have more work to do around that particular fear.

Helen Keller said,

“Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature…. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.”

None of us are ever safe. We create the concept of it and believe it in order to feel safe. Safety is a superstition or an illusion. What is real is uncertainty. What is real is the unknown.

We have no idea what the next minute, hour, day or year will bring. Somebody will get in an accident, get sick or die. Somebody will lose a job or a lover. Anything can happen. A superstition of safety allows us to function in our world.

Humans like to live in the pain of the past or the fear of the future. I like to live in the present moment as much as possible. Like Helen Keller, I would rather have my life be a daring adventure rather than nothing!

What fears are you trying to overcome? Ask your questions and Tess and I will be happy to answer them.

And don’t forget to find out more about Take Your Fear and Shove It! It’s a great course and I wish I had it when I was learning to drive a car Maybe it could have cut my learning period to normal two months instead of two years.

P.S. The BalanceInMe 2011 Survey is till on. Please click here to share your life balance experience in 2011 and download a free 10-minute Balance Workout.

Are you looking for life balance too?

For a second imagine that you are in a huge thick forest with birds chirping over your head, nice breeze running through your hair and warm sun rays playing on your hands and face. There is a huge oak tree in this forest and one day two acorns fell off of it.

One acorn hit the rock and ricocheted towards a nearby stream, went downstream and finally fell into fertile soil on a nice open clearing. The acorn sprouted roots and grew into a mighty oak tree even stronger than its “father.”

Another acorn fell on the ground and one day strong wind picked it up, dragged it across the forest until it reached a cliff. The acorn fell down but fortunately got stuck between two huge boulders in a little piece of dirt. It sprouted roots too and started growing slowly every day enduring harsh winds, ruthless sun and constant lack of nutrition. It grew into a crooked dwarfish tree that was weak. The bigger the tree grew the more nutrition and support it needed however there was not enough soil between those boulders to provide for its needs. The oak started withering down and losing its strength until one day a strong wind finally broke it.

If you look at both of the trees one would seem like a true masterpiece of nature: harmonious and balanced. The other one will look like a feat of survival doomed to lose its balance from the first days it started growing.

In life we can also maintain two types of balance: one balance is grounded, solid, peaceful and fulfilling. The other balance we maintain just to get by but any unfavorable circumstances can easily knock us down and send us over a cliff.

What type of balance are you living in right now?

Sometimes it’s very difficult to realize what type of balance you are living in right now but it is vital for your own sake and of the ones you love to discover if you are just maintaining a flimsy temporary equilibrium rather than solid balance.

The other night my husband and I stumbled across a TV show called Hoarders on A&E. I was shocked to see how some people can live in 3-5 feet of clutter, junk and old moldy trash distributed in an even layer across the entire house. There is no way to walk around the house, they sleep on piles of old clothes and boxes, their bathrooms looks so disgusting that it is unsanitary even to walk into them. And somehow these people think that they are living a normal life and are taken by surprise when someone reports their house to the authorities. Then of course they face eviction, loss of parenting rights and bankruptcy.

No matter how surprising this might seem these people live in their own type of reality, their own version of “balance.” Over time they get used to the look of their house, they choose not to communicate with other people (so that they don’t feel ashamed of their living conditions and lifestyle) and believe that it’s just a temporary mess in their house that they can clean up any time.

The only time when these people realize that they have a problem is when a major crisis occurs in their family. Somebody gets sick but the paramedics can’t get vitally important equipment to the patient in time. The house gets taken over by bed bugs and the entire family (including small kids) is forced to live in a tent outside because the exterminators can’t treat the house. Or they simply get a notice that the house is condemned and they will be evicted within 30 days unless they “dejunkify” their living space.

When you are living your life with the wrong type of balance a major crisis is the only thing that will show you the reality of your situation. But why take the matters so far if you can find the right type of balance right now?

Of course hoarding is not the only example of unhealthy balance. Consider the following situation:

1. Perfectionism – simple joys stop bringing pleasure into your life because you are so focused on the “perfect” that you can’t see past the not perfectly dusted furniture or having a clean car all the time. The “perfect” balance is all about going by the rules that you have created. If someone does something differently you get mad and frustrated. If you fall short of your own expectations (and it happens pretty often) then you feel depressed and upset at the entire world.

   Perfectionists often seek a “mathematical” balance. They believe that each area of their lives should be equally developed or should reach an “ideal” balance. This concept is impossible in real life and I have written several times already on why it is harmful to your well-being.

2. Work – workaholism is obviously the most common unbalanced approach to life but there are others.

   Some people complain that they are not treated right at work but at the same time they are the ones who have no ambitions and never try to be part of a team.

   Others complain that they are not satisfied with their job but when someone mentions to them to look for another job or start their own business they immediately find an excuse why it’s impossible for them (the most common one is “it’s just not for me.”)

   Unfortunately, the crisis that a lot of these “balanced” people face is losing their job. Why take the matters so far? Rethink your problems at work and find the real reason behind them.

3. Poor relationships. I’ve heard so many people say “It’s difficult for me to make friends because people don’t like me or they don’t want to be my friend.” As a result these people choose a secluded lifestyle with few to no friends and a very bitter attitude.

   If you want to make friends or be a better friend then you are the one who has to make the first step. If you move to a new neighborhood go ahead and introduce yourself to the neighbors, invite them over for a grill-out or a cup of coffee.

   My husband and I were talking once about not having enough young family activities at our church. But then it dawned on us, why do we expect someone else to organize an activity that we want? If we are really that anxious about meeting new people then we are the ones who have to make the first step by inviting them over or organizing a movie night (and since both my husband and I are introverts entertaining is not our thing, to say the least.) Once our approach was changed we met a lot of wonderful people who we are proud to call friends.

4. Dating/marriage problems. This one is a biggie. So many people choose to live in unbalanced relationships because they are afraid to be alone or they don’t have the courage to talk honestly with their partners. It’s so much easier to say “It’s my partner’s fault that our relationship is suffering so much” but do we always do 100%, 120% to preserve the love and romance? This frustration over time leads to a loss of trust, jealousy, anger and even gives room to addictions.

   Others have trouble finding the love of their life but they are not doing anything to be the person that can be loved. They hang out at bars and hope to meet the right person there. They don’t ask people that they like out on a date but rather live off the “hints”, “looks” and assumptions. They don’t take care of themselves but somehow want to date a supermodel. They can’t communicate without arguing or interrogating and then they complain that the other person doesn’t understand them.

5. Money. With the economy being so unstable these days a lot of people have reevaluated their finances. So many of us got used to living off credit that they consider it a norm. But once they lose their job, have an unexpected expense or realize that they simply can’t maintain their lifestyle any more they find themselves in a heap of trouble. A life that seemed so balanced and structured all of a sudden turns into a chase to pay off credit card bills. Life turns into a never-ending nightmare with many zeros behind it. They lose their freedom and they are forced to live in a rat race.
6. Health. Did you ever find an excuse to justify an unhealthy habit? I did, many times, unfortunately. When I smoked I thought that it was just normal because everyone else around me was doing it. When I refused to try running I was telling myself “It’s just not for me, it’s too boring.” When I tried crash diets and skipped breakfast continuously (both of which messed up my stomach) I was thinking “I’ll be fine. I’m different from everyone else, it will work for me.” (Of course it didn’t!)

   It’s easy to live a life of elusive balance and poor health but one day all the bad choices that you made in life will catch up with you. As a Pilates instructor I teach clients of different age and different fitness levels. The most amazing and inspiring part about being a Pilates instructor for me is seeing older people (in their 70s and 80s) doing Pilates faithfully week after week. A lot of them have arthritis, knee and hip replacements, fibromyalgia, osteoporosis and a hundred more conditions, and yet every morning they get up and make a decision to keep moving and doing everything they can to live healthy. If they can do it, then why can’t we?

No matter how balanced or unbalanced you feel your life is I am asking you to reevaluate your life today. Are you a strong oak tree or a stunted one that will be knocked down into the abyss with the next gust of wind?

The only way to live a truly balanced life is to keep challenging yourself and improving yourself. Take a look at what your life looks like and what you want it to look like. You are the only one responsible for your life, your achievements and failures. Your boss, partner, colleagues and family members have nothing to do with your life choices. Accept this fact today and start improving yourself to be a better parent, friend, partner, employee or business owner, neighbor, daughter or son, and person.

Benjamin Franklin at the age of 20 set his life-long goal of achieving moral perfection. He made a list of 13 virtues to live by daily. He always carried a little notebook with him that contained charts consisting of a column for each day of the week and a row corresponding to each virtue. At the end of each day he placed a dot next to each virtue that he violated. The goal was to minimize those dots thus indicating a “clean” life free of vices.

He kept this notebook until his last days however he never achieved perfection. One would think that it was a wasted attempt but here is how Benjamin Franklin put it himself:

Tho’ I never arrived at the perfection I had been so ambitious of obtaining, but fell far short of it, yet I was, by the endeavor, a better and a happier man than I otherwise should have been if I had not attempted it. ~Benjamin Franklin

A balanced life is one that you keep improving constantly no matter how easy or difficult it might be at times. If you live in balance that is not going anywhere and is not making you a better person every day then you are lost.

It is time to make 2012 the year of improvement, change, breaking out of stagnant zones and balance and I am here to help you in any way I can.

Keep it balanced!

P.S. It is time for the annual Life Balance Survey. Please click here to answer 6 simple questions that will make BalanceInMe more targeted to your needs. When you fill out the survey you will be able to download a free 10-minute Balance Workout that will improve your coordination, challenge your balance and tone your body. Thank you for being part of our balanced community!

Photo credit: FLASHFLOOD, alexbip, Rob Watling

Did you ever have to think of a last-minute present? It’s stressful!

Maybe you got really busy at work and completely forgot to order the gift.

Maybe your gift can’t be delivered on time (it happened to me before.)

Or maybe the gift that you carefully picked out is simply not available at the stores right now (I wanted to give my husband a pair of running shoes one year and of course none of the nearby stores carries his size.)

And maybe sometimes you just want to give something extra special to a person you love but no matter how many sleepless nights you spend thinking about the present you still can’t come up with anything even remotely close to the perfect gift.

If you are in this situation this year then I have several very interesting and balanced gift ideas that I would like to share with you. Even if you got all presents under the tree already you can still keep reading to see if there is something that you want to give yourself this season (after all, taking care of yourself is a vitally important part of living a life of balance.)

1. The gift of farm-fresh produce. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to get a bushel of farm fresh produce every week? You know that tomatoes that you get were on the vine just a few hours ago versus a few weeks ago. The fruit that you get is ripe and has just been picked versus being sprayed with chemicals to keep it looking pretty and fresh for weeks in a row. CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) is a wonderful gift that will keep your loved ones healthy all year long. Go to Local Harvest (US), Making Local Foods Work (UK) or Food Connect (Australia) to find a farm new you. Call the farm today or order an online gift certificate that you can print and display under or on the Christmas tree.
2. National park membership. What can be better than spending time in nature? In my opinion nothing can bring you more balance than just a few minutes outside. A lot of national parks, refuges and botanical gardens offer annual passes that will let you (or your loved ones) enjoy peaceful minutes in nature any time of the day or year.

   How wonderful will it be to go camping with your family during the weekend?

   Do you feel stressed out after a long day at work? – Just get in your car and go for a relaxing walk under century old trees … Peace and serenity…

   Check online if your state offers park memberships (South Carolina – the state where I live – offers an annual family membership for just $50.)

3. Digital subscription. Do you want to help your loved ones transform their lives or try something new? Pick one (or several) magazines that you think they will appreciate and give them a digital subscription. This gift will be green, eco-friendly (no trees were harmed to deliver that magazine to their inbox) and useful. If your loved already owns an iPad or Kindle Fire then they will be able to read the magazine absolutely anywhere.
4. Mind and Body Program. Gym memberships are becoming too boring and impersonal. Even more, most people who get gym memberships go to the gym only for the first month or two and after that they revert back to their old lifestyle. I personally haven’t set my foot in the gym for over two years and I LOVE exercise.

   If you want to give your loved ones a gift of a balanced body that they will actually appreciate then how about trying something new?

   • A gift card to a local Pilates or Yoga studio. If the person you are giving this gift to is a total fitness beginner then I would recommend purchasing several private sessions (most good studios will actually insist on teaching at least 1-3 private sessions before allowing you to join a group class.) If you (or the person receiving this gift) has already tried Yoga or Pilates on DVD or in a regular gym and wasn’t too impressed then I am asking you to give it another try. The only common thing between gym/DVD Yoga and Pilates and a studio session is the name. Even most men enjoy these sessions after they try them and realize that Mind & Body exercise is not a Female Only thing (I got my husband into Pilates and have several male clients at the studio who love their workouts.)
   • An online Pilates video program. If a person you are preparing this gift for doesn’t have time to go to the studio or gym then an online program is the best fit for them. A blogging friend of mine Robin Long is launching her Pilates Body program on January 2. It’s a 6-week virtual Pilates and nutrition program. The registration is open right now.
   • If you are ready to try (or give) an online Yoga program then I would recommend 30 Days of Yoga. I took Marianne’s Yoga program this fall and it was amazing. I am not a Yoga person but I thoroughly enjoyed this class. She has Yoga for everyone: beginners, busy people, curvy yoga and of course everyone else.
5. A well-grounded gift for women. If you are looking for a gift for a busy mom who wants to have more energy and have a healthier lifestyle then Designed for Wellness is something I would recommend. Lisa Byrne created this course for moms who need more healthy balance in their lives and have little time to achieve it. The best thing is that if you purchase this course by January 2nd then you also get to enroll for free yourself.
6. An apology. Sometimes the best gift that you can give someone is not the one that you can buy. Do you feel that you weren’t appreciative enough of the people who love you? Did you offend someone this year? Did you say something you regret? Let your loved ones know how much you really love them by apologizing to them this Christmas if an unfortunate incident has occurred during the year. Write a long letter where you tell exactly you love this person and how sorry you are for not showing it more often. You know the words that you have to say, and now is the best time to say them.
7. Healthy cooking lessons. Another ingredient of balanced living is healthy cooking. When you try to juggle healthy ingredients, simple recipes that don’t take half of the day and tasty cooking can quickly become overwhelming. Jules Clancy of StoneSoup.com has created a Virtual Cookery School that will teach anything from reclaiming a waistline to cooking like a chef. Jules also has several eCookbooks and video cookbooks that are wonderful gift ideas for anyone.
8. New hobby. An important part of living a balanced life is enjoying leisure time. The life that is only about work, family and other necessities can put us into a rut very fast. Our lives often get so busy that we completely forget about devoting time to our leisure and even have no idea what hobby we might enjoy. Let your loved ones try one (or several) new hobbies. Take a look at this list of the most popular hobbies. Which ones do you think will be fun? Schedule a class that will teach the basics of the hobby, buy the first kit or the necessary accessories and make sure that you can give your loved one the time to try this hobby out.
9. Balanced Life. Do you feel that your loved ones will benefit from a more balanced lifestyle? Do they seem to be overwhelmed and overworked most of the time? Do you feel that the person you love has changed recently and lost connection to his/her authentic self? Give them the gift of the Reclaim Your Life course and take one copy for yourself (I told you that you deserve a gift this season too.) Presenting an ecourse can be difficult (after all you can’t put an email with a download link under the Christmas tree.) Here are a few suggestions:
   • buy a pretty flash drive and upload the course on it;
   • print out the course and put it in a personalized binder (the course comes with several motivational posters -you can print them on high-quality paper and frame them.)
   • send the download link for the ebook via email to a person who won’t be spending holidays with you this year.

Giving and receiving gifts is a wonderful tradition but it is not what this holiday season is about. Spend time with your family celebrating the real reason of Christmas, enjoy your time together and don’t worry about little things like presents. People you love will remember the time spent with you and not what gift you gave them this year.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

P.S. You can receive an unexpected holiday gift and win a free hard-cover copy of the book Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions. Click here to see how.

P.P.S. Some of the links in this article are affiliate links. However, I endorse these items only because I love them and believe in them. I hope you will enjoy them as much as I do.

Keep it balanced!

Going back to school for a graduate program is exciting and stressful. The excitement of learning and new opportunities meshes with the stress of project deadlines, studying, obligations at home and job responsibilities. Whether in an online masters degree or a PhD program, graduate studies can be incredibly stressful and cause your life to get out of balance. To avoid negative complications, it is vital to take action and find balance to avoid stress and maintain a place of balance and harmony.

#1 Balance Disruptor during Graduate School

Stress is the main factor than can throw the mind and body off balance during graduate school. Numerous problems for mental and physical health are associated with high stress levels. According to the Mayo Clinic, long term stress leads to physical health problems like chronic skin conditions, insomnia, slowed metabolism, obesity and heart disease. The Mayo Clinic also points out that stress might cause negative effects to mental health like depression and memory loss. These health problems can create a downward spiral in worsening health as they often lead to stress cycles.

Reducing Stress

Though stress causes a wide range of mental and physical health issues when it builds up, causing concern among graduate students who are under a great deal of pressure and stress, it is possible to reduce the levels of stress that come from your studies and find balance while in graduate school.

• According to the Health Services Office at the University of California at Berkeley, reducing stress requires taking time to prioritize yourself. This means taking time for personal enjoyment, relaxation and fun activities. The University suggests trying to work in at least a few minutes for fun activities throughout the week as possible according to an individual schedule.
• Another way to reduce stress levels in graduate school is getting involved with other students across the university. This helps build a social network and provides friends who understand the stress and are able to provide support through tough situations in your department. Friends and family support as a social network provides something to feel grateful for even when everything else seems complicated and stressful. If you can, try to make friends with people outside of your program and in your community. Non-graduate friends can also keep you balanced and grounded, because they will be able to remind you that there is more to life than school.
• It is also a good idea to get advisement from faculty and staff who understand your stress levels. The University of Michigan encourages its faculty to become involved in graduate student stress management needs and this is an excellent way to help reduce stress levels and get back in balance. Talking to your committee on studies, a professor, or office staff person you trust in your department or another department on campus can be very helpful for keeping balance, and can also help you make professional contacts.

How to Maintain a School/Life Balance

While it is important to make sure you you stay healthy and happy in graduate school by maintaining an active social life, making time to concentrate on your studies in is equally important. One of the biggest problems many students face is using time efficiently.

For instance, when some students sit down to hit the books, they first check Facebook, grab a snack, watch a couple of TV episodes on Hulu and then check Facebook again before actually starting on their homework. As a result, graduate students often feel crunched for time and end up staying up until the wee hours of the morning getting all of their work done.

The trick is to not allow yourself to procrastinate. Keep yourself in check by reminding yourself if you work hard now, you will have more time to spend with your friends later. You can also stay motivated by studying with a friend, but make sure this person will encourage you to keep working and is not someone who will distract you.

However the key to staying on track with your studies, is being realistic about your time. Create a schedule that allows you to see all your commitments at a glance so you know what you have to prepare for each week. Additionally, make sure you allocate yourself the actual amount of time you need to complete a paper or study for a test. While you may like to think you can get a paper done in two hours, if you are a slower writer three or four might be more realistic. By managing your time appropriately, not only will you be able to keep your grades up, but life will also be a lot less stressful.

Meditation

If, despite your best efforts, you feel overwhelmed, meditation is one stress reduction method that helps bring graduate school back into perspective. Mindfulness practices, such as deep breathing and taking a moment to really enjoy the moment you are in, will allow you to feel your body, and nurture it better. It can be all too easy to become a “brain” in graduate school, and lose touch with what your body is doing, but being mindful will help you really take care of yourself in the way you deserve.

This is when the body and mind comes back into balance and stress falls to the side.

The body and mind must work together to find balance. When the body goes through rote routines and the mind is constantly worrying, everything is out of balance and students will end up feeling unhealthy. Instead, turning that mental focus on gratitude and actively thinking about what the body is doing will result in a strong mental and physical balance despite the stressful environment.

Reducing stress through meditation, mindfulness, gratitude and focusing on one priority at a time creates a natural balance. Graduate school is stressful, but managing time, finding a support group, and nurturing yourself with mindfulness practices will not only keep you balanced and healthy, but will also help you make the most of your studies as your mind and body work as a team.

Anthony recently completed his graduate degree in English Literature. A New Mexico native, he currently resides and writes in Seattle, Washington. He writes primarily about education, travel, literature, and American culture.

Photo credit: kcolwell

How many times do we get frustrated over something that has gone wrong, even if just a little? We end up agitated and upset, and our day is ruined. We dwell in the inadequacies and beat ourselves up over them. However, these shortfalls are not worth sweating for; rather we need to take a step back, allow some distance, and look at the big picture.

Many times, things don’t seem to go go according to plan – perhaps the proposal arrived a day late at client’s doorsteps, or we weren’t able to run the full 30 minutes at the gym as we planned?

We get annoyed at ourselves. We zoom in on the small things gone wrong and become angry and disappointed – and we cannot fully focus on the next course of actions we were supposed to take.

In the end, we mess up the whole project, or give up, because of that one little hiccup. Or perhaps we have to start all over again, yet already we feel deflated. We wanted everything to be perfect and went to meticulous lengths to so ensure, and now it’s all crumbled down.

Sounds familiar?

However, have we ever thought that in the grand scheme of things these little glitches actually do not matter?

In the course of the last 18 months, as I struggled with severe migraines and major depression, I started practicing Chinese calligraphy. It’s been an interest I’ve always had, and never had the time to pursue. Now that I live in Beijing, I thought what better place to start? And now with the luxury of time, albeit not as much energy due to my illness, I decided to find myself a teacher.

After a few trial and errors, I found the Teacher with whom I practice calligraphy and taichi martial arts. One day, as I was writing during the class, he asked me to stop in mid-stroke.

He asked me how I was feeling. I was taken aback and didn’t really understand the question. But he just insisted I answer him.

So I stopped and tried to come to senses with my emotions. I realized that I was irritated.

Teacher asked me why. “Well,” I said, “that stroke is too wobbly and the next one was too fat.”

He asked me why that was the case. I thought, what a silly question, I just needed more practice!

Yet again, he wouldn’t let me pick up my brush again till I gave him an answer beyond a meager “practice makes perfect” philosophy.

After a few drills like this, I came to a revelation – I worried too much about how the whole character would turn out. In my head, I had an ideal way of how it was supposed to look, so I was trying to express it in ink.

The problem with this mentality was, like many things in my life, I was too concerned with the end goal and wasn’t enjoying, or focusing on the process and the steps that would lead me to my end destination.

I just wanted to write the character perfectly. Hence, when one stroke went haywire, I immediately got agitated that the whole character wouldn’t turn out the way I wanted it to. And so, the strokes following all ended up lopsided because I was too caught up on the stroke that “went wrong” before.

In the end, the whole character looked like squiggles I painted in kindergarten and nothing like I visualized.

So, my Teacher said, now that I’m aware of what was going through my head and my associated emotions, I need to take a different road. I just need to trust that I know what I was writing. However good or bad a particular stroke turned out does not matter. What is more important is that I could reorient and calm my mind for every individual stroke, and think only of writing that one.

One stroke at a time. One little step at a time.

Strangely, but perhaps unsurprisingly, my characters started to take proper form and shape. Yes, perhaps the vertical stroke could have been straighter, but the fact that it wasn’t perfect didn’t affect the character as a whole at all! It was legible, and artistic, and I was happy with the result.

One small wobble in the grand scheme of things, does not actually destroy the whole destination as we sometimes feel when in the midst of it.

As I strive to recover from my depression, here are a few enlightened thoughts I gleaned through my calligraphy practice to not sweat the small stuff

1. The overall goal, end destination is there to give me direction.

We already know what we want to achieve. There is no need to obsess about it. Have the big picture in your mind and trust in yourself.

2. We will mess up somehow along the way

Life is not perfect. We are not perfect. So eventually, something will go wrong or not as planned

Once we accept this truth, we can stop pressuring ourselves to perfection and cause ourselves anxiety.

Moreover, a “mess up” is only one if we define it as such. Rather, the same incident could simple be an experience through which we learn to do things a different way the next time.

3. There will be times that my expectations are not met.

But, does that really matter in the big picture? Ask yourself that before you go into a frenzy because of one small hiccup.

Perhaps the traffic jam and the detour you had to take today, led you to discover a new bakery shop, even if you had to arrive hope a bit later than expected.

4. Even if I mess up a little, it will all end up just fine.

In fact, it could end up better! So allow for messes, and let it take you on its course.

There is no need to sweat the small stuff; it just makes the process more interesting. If we get annoyed, step away, take a deep breath and come back to it later.

Noch Noch worked in banking as an international executive for the last 7 years and had to quit her job last year due to major depression and severe migraines, and now reflecting on different recovery methods and how to be true to herself at “Be Me. Be Natural.” .

Photo by noch: “A Calm Mind” – written in Bamboo Slab Style of the Tang Dynasty

Do you go to the movies?

I’ve been staying away from the movie theater lately because movies were keeping me away from my balance and happiness. Okay, that might be a little too fast, let me get to the point slowly and with lots of valuable details.

Let me ask you a question, did you ever watch a movie with no ending? I mean the type of the movie that keeps you engaged and excited and all of a sudden after 2 and a half hours of intense suspense the screen goes black, the main character is left unhappy and still searching (for whatever) and you have more questions then you did before you started the movie. Of course, now we have to wait another year for part two to see what’s going to happen. I call this type of ending the “drop off” ending.

Movies with drop-off ending make us feel cheated.

For several months before the movie is released we are teased with the trailers and previews. Sometimes we get to read or watch funny production stories, hear interviews with the actors from the movie and why it was “THE” best movie they ever made.

Basically, we bite the bait and go see the movie. We are excited because we are anticipating a relief. We can finally watch the thing that we’ve heard so much about and enjoy it as much as we have expected.

All of a sudden the movie doesn’t deliver. Either the plot stinks (the only interesting moments were the ones you already watched in the trailer 6 months ago) or you are left with that “drop-off” ending, or both. We all know why the producers do that. Those endings let them film another part if they feel that it will be profitable enough. Of course they don’t care how you or I feel after we leave the theatre. They are being mean but it is just part of their marketing plan.

We feel cheated.

We have just spent money on a movie ticket (and no one offers us a money-back guarantee if we don’t like the movie.)

But most importantly we have just spent our most valuable resource – our time – on something that’s absolutely not worth it.

Here is where life balance comes in. Instead of spending this time and money on something that you enjoy and can benefit from you just lost two hours of your life and about $15 to $20 of your budget.

I don’t live in the Stone Age and I do watch new movies however I wait for them to appear on Netflix or in Red Box. In that case at least I can turn it off when I feel that the movie is not worth my time and I don’t waste money on a movie ticket.

The end of the runt and the Reason I was telling you all this

I was giving you this huge rant about movies just to show how little things can affect our balance: financial, mental, emotional and scheduling one. Instead of being a sneaky producer who builds up anticipation for a product that is not worth your time or your money I would love to show you what I have created specifically for you.

For the past 5 years I was passionately looking for life balance and I must say that I learned a lot along the way. For the past 6 months I’ve been organizing all my knowledge, practical advice, real life examples and a little bit of humor into an easy-to-follow guide that can take anyone from “no balance” to “perfect balance.” The result of all this work is the Reclaim Your Life ecourse that is available for you today.

I know that it’s difficult to trust that a personal development product is something that will REALLY help you. That is why I am giving an exclusive preview of what the ecourse is about.

Click here and you can download the Table of Contents, One Full Chapter (my favorite one) and several exercises from the ecourse absolutely free (no opt-in required.)

If you’ve been enjoying articles here on BalanceInMe then I am sure that you will enjoy and benefit from this home-study course.

Reclaim Your Life (click the link to learn more) is a 15-day home-study course that will teach you

• The ONLY scientifically proven method to beat procrastination;
• The “not-your-average-and-boring” way of living out your priorities;
• How to never lose motivation to finish a project or bring your marvelous idea to life;
• How to break your bad habits once and for all;
• How to become more positive without the “think-happy-thoughts” nonsense;
• Practical ways to exercise your “no” muscle and take control of your time;
• Polite and yet effective ways to deal with difficult people and negative situations;
• How to find time for things you REALLY want and are meant to do (and if you don’t know what those things are – how to discover them);
• How to stop overextending yourself and start living in balance.

You can purchase this course and take it at your own time. I also offer one month of free email support so that you can ask me any questions about life balance. If you feel that the course wasn’t helpful to you then I will refund your money within 30 days of purchase.

To make this course even more useful to you I have included the following bonus items that you will get if you order the course by Dec 5th.

1. Breaking Out of the Stuck Zone by Susan Johnstone, The Heart’s Voice – an audio download to help you break out of your own stuck places and transform your resistance more quickly than ever before.
2. The Lifestyle Makeover Guide by Melanie Thomassian, Dietriffic – a guide to unbridled energy, better health, and enjoying the life you deserve!
3. Flying by the Seat of My Soul by Tess Marshall, The Bold Life – an inspiring guide live more passionately and pursue your heart’s desire with more conviction.
4. The Real Food Cleansing by Lisa Byrne, Wellgrounded Life – ebook and tele-workshop that will help you design your own personal real food cleanse and detox plan for any season.
5. Stop Complaining and Start Living by Sibyl Chavis, – an awesome guide to instantly improve your life, your career, your relationships and ability to succeed.
6. 10-Minute Do-It-Anywhere Workout by Anastasiya Goers (me), Balance In Me – a video download that you can use to squeeze in a workout no matter how little time you have or where you are.

The total value of the bonus items is over $160 but you will get them absolutely FREE when you order the course.

The price of all the goodness is just $37.95 (it’s cheaper than a regular meal at an average restaurant for four.) I wanted to make Reclaim Your Life affordable for everyone because your life balance is my passion.

I know how valuable your time is and I want to show you how you can make the best use of it. Reclaim Your Life will show you

• how to avoid common time traps,
• gain up to 3 extra hours during your day and
• make the best use of your time so that you can enjoy your life of balance and happiness.

Click here to learn more about the course or use the Buy button below to order it right away.

If you have any questions – please ask them in the comments below.

Keep it balanced!

P.S. If you skimmed through the article here is a quick recap. I showed how sneaky producers cheat you out of the pleasure of seeing a great movie that you were expecting and rob you of your time. I was talking about the movies to show how little things in life can cause a big life balance wobble.
In order to help you regain your balance you can download a free chapter of my new ecourse Reclaim Your Life and learn more about it by clicking here. No sneaky producers around here, on Balance In Me, only crystal clear people who care about you and your best life

How do you balance your life? Where do you start?

The most difficult step of any task or project is the first one. You look at the big picture and maybe you even know what you want to get in the end but you have no idea where to start.

It is especially true for life balance. I’ve been there. If you are feeling exhausted after work, you can’t stick to a healthy lifestyle and you constantly feel guilty because you don’t spend enough time with your loved ones, what is the first step towards that balance? All changes seem overwhelming and you just can’t take on anything else because you simply don’t have time or energy for it.

When I first started simplifying and balancing my life I wished I had a little step-by-step guide to life balance. Today (about 5 years later) I feel that my life is in balance and I have decided to create a step-by-step life balance guide for YOU. I have put together the most useful and practical tips that you can do TODAY to get one step closer to your inner harmony and peace.

(BTW, keep reading to see how you can download my new FREE ebook and win a copy of the Reclaim Your Life in 15 Days ecourse.)

1. Listen and be aware.
   You have conversations all day long, but how often do you really hear what’s being said? Most of the time your mind is wandering – to a work project, plans for dinner, for example – or you are crafting your next response. But the key to having a productive talk as well as a balanced relationship is speaking less and listening more.

   Today when you are talking to your family members or friends see how long you can go without letting your thoughts roam. You’ll have a better idea of what this person is saying and how you can use this information to keep your relationship more balanced. Besides, by listening attentively you’ll show your loved ones that you appreciate them and will make them more eager to hear what you are saying.

2. Laugh and smile together.
   According to a recent research published by CNN people who smile a lot have lower rates of divorce. If you are married or if you are in a serious relationship then smiling and having fun together is a bullet-proof method to keep your fire burning. Researchers are not quite sure about the connection between smiling and happy marriages but having great time together and laughing a lot will help you become more positive about your relationship and life in general.

   Today watch a comedy together and try to smile at your partner and your family members more than usual. I can guarantee that you will have a more positive and balanced day.

3. Question yourself.
   How often do we find something sitting on a shelf or get ready to throw something in the trash that only 6 months ago we just had to have?

   Today before you buy anything at all in your life, ask yourself one very important question: “Where will this item or thing be one year from now?” If you are not 100% sure that you will be using the item or if the probability is high that it will be in a yard sale or in the trash a year from now then do not buy it. You will be amazed at how much money you will save by asking yourself this one simple question.

4. Make this Christmas the one to remember. Really?
   How many times have we heard that from commercials and advertisements that we see during the Christmas season? The idea is that we should all go out and spend a ton on money trying to make this particular day of the year a “one to remember”. Now ask yourself, what did you get for Christmas 3 years ago? How about 2 years or ago or even last year? Chances are that you might remember a few things from last year but beyond that is very difficult.

   Today keep Christmas gifts (as well as other gifts) simple and don’t spend a ton of money trying to please others. If someone is not happy that you didn’t take out a second mortgage on your home to give them the gift of their dream for Christmas then they are probably not the type of individual that you need to be around to begin with.

5. Try “reverse” time management.
   Every day you probably focus on accomplishing certain tasks that you planned. At the beginning of the day you look or think about everything that has to be done and your brain almost freezes in silent panic. All day long you try to catch up on everything but something constantly interrupts you, you lose your focus and at the end of the day your list of tasks looks only longer.

   Today focus on how much time you can spend working. Plan 1-2 hour work blocks when you are 100% focused and nothing can get in your way. Work as a mad man or woman during those blocks but then let yourself rest. At the end of the day focus on how many productive work blocks you have had instead of how many tasks you have marked off your to do list.

   This little change in your thoughts will help you avoid procrastination, prevent “brain freeze” and let you have some time for the unexpected things that will come up during the day.

6. Protect your “non-work” time.
   Your free time is an asset that you should protect at all costs. When we think about work we usually have certain hours that we have to spend working. We do not even think about other activities at that time.
   For some reason when it comes to free time we forget how important it is. Yes, it won’t bring you any extra income and won’t get you a promotion at work but it will make you a happy and balanced person.

   Today turn off your cell phone after work. If you work from home then it is vitally important to have a designated office area that you should not enter during your “off” hours. When talking to your family members and friends spend a little bit of time sharing your work issues and then refocus to a more pleasurable topic.
   I’ll probably sound like an elementary school teacher, but still remember “All work and no play makes Johnny a dull (and unhappy!) boy.”

7. Nurture emotionally intimate relationships.
   Keeping up with a thousand friends on Facebook won’t make you any happier (if anything, it can make you only more depressed.) Create deep relationships with a few friends, family members or your spouse to increase your happiness level. We all need a few confidants who hear us on a deeper level, allow us to share experiences and become involved in our lives.

   Today (and every day) spend some time with a close person. Talk to your partner and spend time with him/her. Call your friend or a close family member. Plan monthly events with your close friends.

8. Express your gratitude.
   Does it feel good to hear somebody thank you for something? Be the person who always thanks for the favors that you get and help. Also be the one who appreciates his/her friends instead of taking them for granted.

   Today find a way to tell your friends why you value them so much.

9. Accomplish something that has value to you.
   True happiness stems from achieving something meaningful to you. It can be anything like painting, raising kids, helping others, growing a house, writing a blog or organizing your house. It doesn’t matter how spectacular or how famous it makes you – what you do just has to be intrinsically motivated. Ignoring what matters to you sets you up for unhappiness now and regret later in life.

   Today figure out what is meaningful to you in life and devote at least 15 minutes to your meaningful activity. Make sure that you do your meaningful work every day no matter how busy or tired you are.

10. Let yourself relax.
    Being in the “always-ready” condition is very stressful. Let somebody else take care of the kids, order a take-out (not more than twice a month, though), take a day off at work (if possible) and let yourself completely relax. It’s as important to let yourself relax all the way as it is to be insanely productive.

    Today add some R&R into your day. It’s best to have one day of total rest (no errands, no tasks) but even 15-30 minutes of quietude and serenity daily are a welcome change for the better.

“Okay, I see only 10 tips, where is the other 90?” you are asking me right now.

Posting them in one article would be overwhelming (to say the least.) You can download the 100 Ways to Live a More Balanced Life Today for FREE here. (if you are subscribed to my newsletter then I have already send you the download link for this FREE ebook.)

I would love to know how you keep (or would like to keep) your life balanced. Please share your thoughts in the comments.

You can win a free copy of my ecourse Reclaim Your Life in 15 days by posting your comment below. On Dec 5th I will pick the winner with the best comment.

The winner of the free Reclaim Your Life ecourse is Jody Stage (comment #6.)
I want to thank everyone who took part in this discussion and shared their ways of staying balanced and happy. I appreciate your involvement and your voice.

Keep it balanced!