How to Make the Most out of Your Valentine’s Day Whether You Are Single or Not

Posted in Balanced Relationships | February 9, 2010 |

Valentine's Day advice

Image by Caro Wallis

Valentine’s Day is the most controversial holiday of the year in my opinion. It brings happiness, warmth and love to some people and at the same time it brings sadness and feelings of loneliness to the others. It is THAT time of the year when the entire world splits into three different groups. I am pretty sure that each of us has been a member of one of these three groups at a certain point in life. Each group deserves its own plan for Valentine’s Day and I am going to show you how to make the most out of your V day. Just pick the group that you belong to and see what I have in the box for you this holiday :-)

The first group is people who are happy with their partners. Their biggest problem now is how to come up with the most romantic plan for V Day or how to buy the best present. It is even more likely that they do not even have this problem because they match each other so perfectly that they have already planned the most amazing day of the year. They love each other and they do not need any artificial and material signs that will prove their feelings for each other. They are happy in their present state and they are drunk with the fumes of love and passion.

This first group does not need any advice or help so I will just let them enjoy each other and won’t take any of their precious time together away. Have a great holiday and treasure every minute together!

The second group is couples who have lost the spark. Valentine’s Day for them is the day that brings a lot of headaches. They are together but at the same time they are not really together. They have lost the initial spark that brought them together and now they are just two people living with each other. V Day is an occasion for them to apologize or to try to patch up their relationship. A lot of times this day brings only more misunderstandings because he forgot to buy flowers, she has a headache and is not in the mood for that (you know what I mean), he didn’t make reservations and all the restaurants have at least a 2-hour wait now. These couples need some help and creativity to make their Valentine’s Day a happy day.

Here are my suggestions for the couples who have lost their spark but still want to be together.

  1. Before you start planning your Valentine’s Day take some time to read The Happy Couple Cheat Sheet. Do you think that you can improve in any of these areas?
  2. Remember the old days. In order to have the best ever Valentine’s day you need to be in the mood for it. You already know what it feels like to be in love and burn with passion; just get these feelings out of the dark closet of your memories, dust them off a little bit and enjoy!
  3. Change yourself. We all know that sometimes our significant other wants to see some changes in us. Why not try it for a day or a week? Be the person he/she wants you to be and see if you like it or not.
  4. Really mean your apologies. If you are one of the people looking for a I-am-so-sorry-that-I-did-not- …- type Valentine card then add some actions to this card. One card or a dozen of roses will not substitute for all the hours not spent during the year, for the support and help not given and for the words not heard. Make a real commitment to change something in your relationship and notify your partner about your plans. Do not wait until Valentine’s Day to start your plan, start right now.
  5. Make a real effort to ignite passion between the two of you. I won’t give you any advice on this one because you are the one who knows what turns you and your loved one on. Plan something amazing, prepare for it and have the best time together!
  6. Kill the routine. Routine is the worst thing that can happen to a couple so just go crazy and do something unexpected. Go out to a nice restaurant for breakfast, sleep in and be irresponsible, do not cook and wear your pajamas all day long (I would suggest that you do this only if you stay at home for the entire day :-))
  7. Rent romantic comedies and dramas and watch those all day long. Before you do this please make sure that your partner likes these type movies or you’ll end up having a very lonely Valentine’s Day.
  8. Make an effort to be happy together. Do not argue, talk only about positive things, do not nag each other and concentrate on the present moment of your relationship.
  9. Write a love letter (or a love paragraph). Writing down your feelings and presenting them to your partner can be the most romantic thing that you can do this Valentine’s Day. If you do not know how to start then here are a few examples that can inspire you: How to Write the Perfect Love Letter and Love Letters (this is actually a short story but it is so touching!)
  10. Be grateful. A lot of misunderstandings in a relationship arise when partners take each other for granted. They notice the tiniest things that went wrong (he didn’t take the trash out again, she forgot to buy beer at the store) but they are completely ignorant to the good things. I am talking about the situations when she fixes a wonderful supper (even though she does it every evening) and he does not mention it. He makes a bed because she likes when the bedroom looks nice but she pays attention to the pair of socks lying in the bathroom. He buys her flowers but she says that she does not like this kind. This day and this week be grateful and mention to your partner every little thing that he/she does for you. And thank him/her generously.
  11. Watch Fireproof. This movie was a big hit last year and it is one of my favorite movies now. It is a Christian movie so if you do not feel comfortable with it then you can skip this tip. The movie gives the best advice on how to save your relationship and to bring passion, love and care back into it. Watch the movie Fireproof and read the book The Love Dare in order to rediscover your love and passion for each other.

The third group is the singles. Single people usually have two reactions to V Day. The first one is “What is all the hype about? It is just a day that is not even a real holiday.” The second reaction is “I am so miserable and lonely. Nobody loves me and never will.” Even singles can have a great time on Valentine’s Day and they do not need to be sad this day.

Here is how single people can make the most out of their Valentine’s Day:

  1. Be your own Valentine. Valentine’s Day is all about love so this year you can share some love for yourself. Do something that you’ve been dreaming about for a long time, have a mini retreat or go on a mini vacation, pamper and take care of yourself as much as possible.
  2. Enjoy being single. A friend of mine Amit Sodha wrote a great article on why it is great to be single. Read it here – How to Be Single and Enjoy Every Second.
  3. Become a special person. If you are still feeling miserable because you are single then maybe it is time for you to change something about yourself. Another blogging friend of mine Arvind Devalia wrote a great guide on how to do this – Be Special to Find the Special One.
  4. Spread love and positivity on people around you. If you cannot share love with your second half then you can share this love with regular people around you. Be generous this day, help somebody, smile to people you meet and generally be a lovable person.
  5. Have the best ever singles party. Get together with other single friends of yours and have fun. There are things that women can do only with women (go shopping, drink wine or coffee with chocolates and spend two hours talking about shoes and new trends in haircuts while watching the entire collection of Sex and the City) and men can do only with men (watch football or a race, play video games and go out to the speed park ) so enjoy your chance of doing it.
  6. Cook an amazing dinner for one. Being single can be a great way to do and eat what YOU love. You can have an entire bucket of ice cream topped with pickles (okay, I admit, I love to eat ice cream with pickles at the same time. It’s weird but sooooo good) or you can cook your favorite meal that your ex-boyfriends/girlfriend hated. Here is a great way to get excited about cooking for one.
  7. Forget about it. Valentine’s Day is a commercial holiday that has been popularized to a gigantic size just to make us spend money on flowers, cards, presents, trips to the restaurant etc. Just ignore all the hustle and bustle at the stores and on TV and enjoy your normal life. Think about how much money you are saving this year.

What group do you belong to this year! Do you have any creative ideas or tips that you would like to share? Comments are open for a discussion. Have a great Valentine’s Day!

Keep it balanced!

P.S. After reading this article my husband got a little bit scared because I came up with so many ideas for the couples who lost their spark. I just wanted to say that I happily belong to the first group and I am planning to stay there happily ever after.

Smart Thoughts (13)

  1. Baker says:

    Hey Anastasia,
    I really enjoyed this post. There were a lot of key points that you made here. One that I found to be rather intriguing was the idea of having a Valentines Day when you are single.

    I think that self love is very important. Regardless if you are single or not during this time, because if you love yourself 100% regardless if you have a mate or not, you still are coming from your true self, thus keeping that balance you mention. In other words, if you are in a great relationship you still have to honor yourself 100% because that person you are in a relationship with is a reflection of the best parts of who you are inside. So even if one is in a wonderful relationship during valentines day one has to love themselves 100%.

    • Anastasiya says:

      Loving yourself first is the best present that you can give yourself on Valentine’s Day and every day. If you cannot love yourself then how do you expect others to love you?
      Thank you Baker for joining the discussion. Your advice is very welcome here :-)

  2. Kaushik says:

    “Forget about it.” That’s excellent advice, thanks.

  3. Sharon says:

    Being one of the first group, I applaud the ideas in your suggestions for the second and third groups. But here’s an idea: Make every day Valentine’s Day. Love is for everybody, every day.

    • Anastasiya says:

      Congratulations on being in the first group. It’s great to be here :-)
      Valentine’s Day is just a commercial holiday and you are absolutely right that every day should be an expression of love towards your partner. It is still nice yo have special dates like Valentine’s every once in a while though :-) These days break the routine of everyday living.

  4. Mark says:

    Excellent article and sage advice for all people who are impacted by this Hallmark holiday.

  5. I am so hungry now after looking at the picture for this post Anastasiya:) I am going to be my own Valentine this year and truly going to enjoy it. Headed to check out Arvind’s post on being special. Thank you for such a great read!

  6. HI Anastasiya,
    I happily belong to the first group too..but am regularly counseling people who belong the group 2 and 3. Your suggestions are awesome! I will surely use them in my next session…:)
    As for what i am doing on valentines day….my hubby and i have been off the gift giving wagon for a long time. We prefer giving each other things that dont cost money..but are truly priceless :) …like undivided attention, a coupon for a cozy night under the sheets…;) things like that…
    Your hubby is a lucky guy to have a gal like you….but let him rack his brains a bit…its fun to watch sometimes 😉
    Much love,
    p.s. love the concept of your blog :)

    • Anastasiya says:

      Hi Zeenat, I am glad that you are in the first group too. This year my husband and I are not giving each other presents either. We already had an early Valentine’s Day when my in-laws came into town and offered to babysit for us. We finally could spend some time together without being constantly interrupted by dirty diapers, biting, fighting or whining. It was a perfect day for us!

  7. Hi Anastasiya, I’m in the first group right now but have been in the other groups in the past and can really imagine that these suggestions would have been helpful to me. I especially like the reminder to be grateful for the second group, and to spread love and positivity in the third. There are so many kinds of love out there. While I think it’s wonderful to celebrate your partner, celebrating yourself and your friends and just enjoying the love in your life (whatever forms it takes) is so important to living a happy life.

    • Anastasiya says:

      Hi Teckla, congratulations on your happy relationship too. Valentine’s Day is just a reminder for us of how great love is. No matter what love you are experiencing (love for yourself, love for others, love for your parents or children, love for your significant other) it is a magical feeling that must be treasured every day.
      Thanks for stopping by!