I was impressed by your article and I must say that I mostly agree to what you say. However, I believe that being able to act like a social chameleon is not always a bad thing, and will not per definition make you unhappy. I my opinion being able to adjust to any situation and engage in small talk with virtually any person can be an asset from time to time. No matter how different a person may seem from you, there is always some common ground you find to talk about. Moreover being able socially camouflage oneself can come in very handy when handling difficult/uncertain situations, for example blending in at your new job or a new city/country that you moved to. I personally never moved abroad, but I have travelled for half a year in Australia (which is rather different from Holland, where I’m from) and so I got a little taste of what it is like to be a foreigner. The funny thing is that being abroad for an extended period of time has only increased my sense of identity and confidence; I have never felt more Dutch (or European for that matter) in my life than when I was Down Under… Besides that I learned that being able in order to be more easily accepted as a foreigner it helps to keep an open mind and maybe not profile yourself too much as being YOU all the time. It’s actually a lot easier than one might expect, but once you get the hang of it you can be virtually anyone you want. For example I once tricked Aussie’s into believing I was Aussie or English, and made some Scots believe that I was in fact Scottish (whereas in reality English is not even my first language!) simply putting imitating their accent and by sort of becoming a mirror of themselves.

In short, I think you’ve got a good point, Anastasiya, that in order to find balance and happiness in life people should not continuously suppress their own identity, but do the opposite. However the skill of being able to blend in and be anyone you like (within the restrictions of age, gender, ethnicity etc) can be a true asset and very liberating…

I’m looking forward to reading your reaction.

Kind regards,
Paul

Thanks, great post!

I for one am happy to see you here. Diversity is to me the best offering we can experience and learn from. Thank you.

I love the topic! Being true to ourselves is almost a mantra for me. It started with my high school commencement speech, A Different Drummer (based on Thoreau and about marching to your own drumbeat “however measured or far away”). I looked back a few years ago and realized I have pretty much lived my speech.

There are times, though, in unfamiliar situations where I can feel slightly disoriented. As you point out, going to a different country or just placing oneself in unfamiliar surroundings, can bring up for me a mild sense of discomfort if I don’t get the warm responses I am accustomed to in familiar surroundings.

Yet, this is what I value about placing myself in these situations (fortunately I don’t tend to be high anxiety in new circumstances). It provides an opportunity, as you point out so well, to be ourselves.

Part of what pushes the envelope for me is entering situations where I have no clue what I’m doing and the other participants are great at it. Why? I like being good at what I do! Yet, I realize that is about image and I don’t want that to rule my life. So, I jump in anyway!

Example: I love going to dance jams, freestyle dancing, yet I am not a dancer. So, I am not as suave as the professionals there. Hoola hooping is BIG and I don’t know a damn thing about it, but I LOVE it. So, silly as I look compared to the experts, I join in anyway! Why? Because it is FUN and life is short. I’m here for the ride!

Good for you to be yourself. I can honestly say I don’t know of much that is more important. If we are not true to who we are, we leave this life unlived. I don’t plan to do that and it doesn’t sound as if you do either!

Great article!